Do you sometimes wish you weren't gay?

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I know this might sound like a weird question, but it's something I think about sometimes. I'm gay and have no trouble admitting that, I know I am sexually attracted to men and have no sexual attraction to women. Now while I know in my heart there is nothing wrong with being homosexual, sometimes I think my life would be better if I were born hetrosexual. One of the reasons being that I would love to get married and have children to start my own family because I think I could make up for the mistake my horrible family turned out to be, and I realize that for homosexual couples marriage and natural-born children (not adobted) are very unlikely especially here in the US.

I know I could find a partner that I loved very much and could move in with him, but to me it would never be the same as having a true blood-related family. If I were hetrosexual or even born a female it might be easier for me create my own family, but as a gay aspergers diagnosed male it doesn't seem like I'll really have much of a chance in life to raise a family with my morals and values, and maybe teach them to never turn to drugs or crime like the rest of my family has.

I just want to know if other homosexuals ever feel this way too? There's nothing wrong with being gay, but sometimes if you're a person who desires to raise your own offspring like me it makes homosexuality seem a little bit like a curse.

Hi Greysun! I'm 37, male and gay. I've been "out" since I was 16 years old. I distinctly remember several times during my 20's that I felt the same way that you do. My concerns were would I ever find a partner, and yeah, what about kids?

Well, I'm very happy to say that I have had very successful relationships, longest one lasting 10 years. I don't have kids, but through my brother, step-brother, and friends, I can see all the kids I want to. It's not the same as having your own, but, not having 'em has many up sides to it as well! (more money for you, easy travel, can choose where to devote your time, etc...) I certainly enjoy being the "cool, bachelor uncle", it's great for the ego!

Concern yourself with being the real you. In my experiences, when we're trucking along, living our lives, that's when a partner will come along. You may eventually find that you don't really want kids, or if you do, maybe giving an orphan a loving home may be your option.

Sounds cliche, but remember that you will always get what you NEED in this life!

Peace, Namaste

I think it's sad that you think that non-blood related families are somehow lesser. It's not true at all, and considering the world's gross overpopulation it's what we really need :\

I do kind of wish I could have kids of my own, although I agree that there are too many people in this world already so adoption is a more moral course to take. But it would be nice to be able to see how my kids are like me or my partner. The marriage bit doesn't bother me because I live in Canada and can get married (unless our illustrious Prime Minister follows through with his party's platform on that--but I doubt he'd be that stupid). What I more wish is that I lived in a society where one does not immediately assume you are straight. It's especially awkward when my grandparents ask if I've seen any nice looking girls (I haven't come out to them yet). And that more people would be gay. There are several people I know that I feel I'd be interested in having a relationship with but those that aren't definitely straight probably are based on probability alone. What irritates me most though is the subtle homophobia you see. Like when people call their friends "fag" as a synonym for "idiot" or "loser." And these are good nice people. So I don't so much wish I wasn't gay as I wish this was a more enlightened society. Of course, living in Canada I have nothing to complain about compared to most places in the world.

Most places in the US don't allow gay marriage which I think is pretty unfair, so homosexual couples don't get all the benfits that married hetrosexual couples do like insurance.

I didn't think about the fact that the world is over populated, so I guess not having children does kind of help with that (not that I think it makes much of a difference because there will always be people getting knocked up). However there's just something about having a child who is blood-related that makes them seem more special. You could love a child regardless if they were related to you or not, but a blood child has all the things that makes them officially yours like your DNA and facial traits. I know what it's like for my Mom who is so proud of the fact that my little sister looks just like her, and that's something I don't think you can really get with adobted children.

I certainly went through my "what if" and "if only" phases.

But let's be clear: life is never as perfect as we want it to be. It doesn't matter whether we are gay, lesbian, straight, purple, rich, poor, autistic, NT, left handed, female, transexual or just plain ambiguous. There will always be some aspect of our individual lives that is not living up to our individual expectations. If only I had a little bit more money. If only I could find a boyfriend. If only I had a child. If only I hadn't had children. If only...

At one point in my life, my sexuality was the key issue of stress for me. At this point in my life, the stress is different. And in the future, the stress will be different, yet again. That is part of the human condition.

To be honest, I don't think I've ever truly wished to be straight. More often, I'd wish for our society to be more tolerant and accepting. I just like being different.

Nope. I've always been glad I'm gay. I'm 54 and have known I'm attracted to guys since I was a little kid.

It's not really that I'm ashamed of being gay, it's that I think it would so much easier to have a natural family of my own if I were straight. Is that understandable?

I certainly understand it--but I think you are looking with a pretty heavy set of filters.

Conception might be easier in a heterosexual relationship--but most heterosexual relationships do not begin with an assessment of fertility. There are countless heterosexual couples seeking fertility treatment because of difficulties with conception. Opposite sex marriage is no guarantee of conception.

It seems to me, too, that you seem to have a bias in favour of so-called "natural" children. (As if adopted children were somehow unnatural...) I think you are foreclosing yourself from an important option--not just adoption, but also adoption of older children. If you truly want to "make up for the mistakes" of your family, what better way than by creating a loving, supportive home for a young child who does not have one? While infants are adopted in record time, many, many children remain in foster care or other unacceptable situations, and they become increasingly unattractive as potential adoptees.

If your desire to parent is genuine, then why not share it with a child who needs it, rather than lamenting the fact that you are unlikely to conceive a child of your own?

Well, people cannot make an infant using two sperm. Technically, there is enough genetic information to create a person (just like there is enough information for two eggs to create a person) but they aren't actually made to fertilize each other.

A lot of people want a genetic child at first. Then they decide to adopt. Most of the time, their outlook changed after adoption. They consider their kid theirs.

There is some research however, which might one day make it possible for gay couples to have children that are biologically their own. I remember reading just a few days ago that there has been a way to turn rhino skin cells (or maybe it was adult stem cells--I can't remember) into sperm and egg cells. If there were a surrogate available then, conceivably, by using this technology, 2 gay men or 2 lesbians could have a child that is biologically their own. Of course, as visagrunt and others point out, adoption is in many ways a morally superior option.

I agree that it's very sad that so many children become orphans and have no families, but adobting a child is not as easy as people think. You may be willing to love the child, but you can't force the child to love you and accept you if they don't want to. That's part of the reason people don't want to adobt children in their teens, if they feel resentment towards you because you're not their real parents then you have no way of changing that.

I really think it's easier to make your natural born love you more, you have the chance to bond with them from the moment life is given to them. That is probably the main reason why so many people like myself rather have children who are biologically theirs. That's also why it's easier to adobt infants than it is grown children

I never wanted kids because, hey I can hardly handle myself in this life let alone some one else to depend on me!
Also, I'd be worried that I would pass on my bad traits! (Anger/patience issues_not being an Aspie, that would be cool with me~!)

I agree that there are way too many kids in foster care that want/need families. Part of that is the discriminatory laws prohibiting single parents or same-sex parents from adopting. The other part of it is that too many childless US couples are so intent of adopting a "baby" that they'll actually go to foreign countries to adopt their babies, completely ignoring the toddlers/preschoolers/school-aged children in this country that need a home. It's so selfish to me. Like once a baby turns 15months, .... Yuck... ewww,,,, I don't want that thing (sarcasm).

The New York channel 4 news highlights one child a week that needs to be adopted, usually over the age of 6. It's so sad knowing that there are thousands of parents out there who want a child, but wouldn't even consider an older child.

So those of you looking to adopt, look into an older child. By the time a kid is older than 4/5, most learning issues/sensory issues make themselves known. In other words, you know what you're getting with an older kid.