AS relate better w/ other AS?

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Do HFA and AS people relate better with others on the spectrum? My son doesn't seem to have interests in common with other aspies so they don't connect. Well, one guy we think on the spectrum scares my son b/c he seems to be a better chess player. We've searched long and hard to find a kid who would challenge him in chess. We find one and my son refuses to play with him.

Back on the theory, if aspies are on the wrong planet, is there a right planet where people are similarly wired? Or is each aspie wanting his own planet?

As far as i can say there are huge differences between aspies. Some are extremely social people and want to connect with others, engage in family matters, and groups. Or at least they aim to do so and suffer from their problems relating thereto.

On the other end are people like me, loners by nature who don't miss personal interactions at all.

So yes, personally i would want my own planet, as long as my cats can accompany me and there's internet connection.

I'm not sure. I've always found friends via obsessions. I met my two closest friends on Deviant Art via them both being Sonic the hedgehog fans as I am. Both of them also have AS so maybe there is a connection. I suspect more than half of the Sonally and Sonamy shippers have AS but are either not diagnosed or just aren't saying anything.

My mom and I have always been close and my mom has always been understanding of my "issues" and has never really been an eye contact Nazi. When she describes her childhood, she was a poster child for girls with AS.

My (AS) daughter's friends have all been NT.

But to be honest I don't think you can generalise. I think all people (NT or AS) just 'click' with some people and not others.

Yeah, I think you are right. It would be wrong for me to assume he'd click better with other aspies. The NTs just have to accept him for who he is.

I think generally AS kids connect best with other kids who have similar interests. That could potentially be either NT or ASD.

I think that people can most easily make friends with other people whom they share traits in common with. These common traits could be shared interests, shared talents, shared ideology, shared personality, and so forth. Two people with asperger's syndrome are more likely to have shared traits than a NT/AS mix, but thats just probability, not certainty.

As far as the popularity of Wrong Planet, what connects people here is a shared set of challenges, and often times a shared past. Many of us have gone through similar difficulties in life, and it is nice to find people who have also dealt with it. However, that being said, while I can relate to many people on Wrong Planet, the majority of posters who I see here would not be what I would consider good friend potential. Their personalities and mine are just too different.

It's interesting that the above poster should mention that Aspies click best with those who share a common interest. I had recently read a section in a book on determining if you're child has a true mental/neurological illness or is simply gifted, I really wish I could share the name of the book but I've completely forgotten it, that said that all Aspies will fail to click with anyone at all despite similar interests unlike gifted children who will click with those who share their interest. This really makes me wonder about the book's credibility.

Some do, some don't. Depends on the individual. I have had NT friends...but none of my friendships have ever lasted (not my decision--so they saw something in me that I couldn't, and they've all deserted me). I have never met anyone else on the spectrum until just this year, and I definitely feel more understood by others who are autistic. They are not as weirded out by me as the NT folks.

*oops double post*

Of my three closest friends, two are typical (one works with people with ASD and one has a child with ASD) and one is moderately autistic like me. I find a disproportionate number of people with ASD to be rather difficult to get along with... but I have ASD friends, too. I guess it's a case-by-case basis, like with any person.

When he was younger, my son's friends were all NT. Those kids seemed to be able to tolerate his need to direct play better, etc.

Now his friends are probably all borderline AS, even though he is the only one with the label. His NT friend's interests moved from Legos and Playmobile to sports; my son's interests moved from Legos and Playmobile to RPGs and eventually programming. It is much more stressful, however, because they all have their quirks and a tendency to be overly blunt, and things explode a lot more often. But, it is also interesting to see him learn to work it all out.

Speaking only for myself, I find poor social skills do not cancel out poor social skills, but tend to exacerbate them. I suppose if I'm talking to people who are aware of their Aspie tendencies and we sort of unconsciously but mutually decide to chuck propriety, I do OK - but pretending I've got good social skills while being aware that the other person is also pretending to have good social skills just makes me notice in acute detail everything they're doing wrong...and makes me acutely aware that I'm flying blind most of the time and quite possibly could be doing worse than they are. I tend to get more panicky in these situations than I do when faced with an extremely NT conversation about something completely foreign, like fashion or makeup or reality TV.

This is not to say that I don't have friends on the spectrum - I think the general rule stated several times here is true: it depends more on the individual than on their neurotype. However, in a strictly social setting like a school playground or a (horrors) party, I often find myself most at ease with people who are kind of "spectrum-y" (and therefore hopefully understanding of my quirks) but who have better skills than I do.

I've noticed with my son that he plays well with a couple different types of kids. He's only 5, so it's hard to say. But, what I can see is that with his friend who is on the spectrum, they have a hard time playing together without a little direction, but they LOVE each other's company and seek each other out often.

My son with NT kids... he does well when it's an outgoing leader type child. Honestly, he loves playing with bossy girls. they tell him exactly what's expected of him in the play scenarios!! haha!! i'm not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing! In general, though, the NT kids need to be the type that sort of naturally pull people in to play. He LOVES to play rough, so some rough and tumble boys who are also sweet natured are good for him to play with.

With NT kids who are not leaders..... sometimes it's painful to watch and it's hard for my son to hold it together. It's a LOT of work for everyone.

So, I usually seek out the friend who is on the spectrum or otherwise kids who lead. He is way less exhausted (emotionally) after playing with these kids!

I find I often relate well to other autistics, but not always. I think what we call the autism spectrum is actually a lot of different conditions lumped together, so any two randomly selected autistics won't necessarily have much in common. (And this doesn't divide by subtype - I'm high functioning PDD NOS and one of the kids I clicked with the best was a nonverbal boy in diapers, because his traits were all mine taken to disabling extremes.)

And similarity doesn't always mean friendship. For example, two stubborn people will tend to get into a lot of power struggles. Doesn't mean they can't be friends, but it'll be harder than if one was a highly flexible, accomodating kind of person who let the stubborn friend dictate things. Some traits lend well to friendship if held in common, others tend to make friendship tricky.

Lastly, self-esteem enters into it as well. If you have (secure) high self-esteem, you'll tend to admire people who resemble you because they have the same traits as you. But if you have unstable or low self-esteem, then you'll notice how people who resemble you have all the same flaws you hate in yourself, and you probably won't get along well with them.