I need advice from a mom, fast!

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See, my mother is out of town right now, and her life is so incredibly stressful right now. And I've felt like such sh** because I really don't do much of anything to help with anything.

So, earlier I was able to get myself motivated enough to do what little I could do and clean up around the house and wash some dishes..but it all felt so very little, so I started thinking about what I could do for her that really matters.. I wrote a note on her door that says "I love you, mom."

The thing is...I can't remember saying that in my entire life. I can't remember ever hearing HER say that word in any context either, though I know that she does love me more than she could ever say. Growing up, I never witnessed even the slightest hint of affection between my parents. My entire family, in fact, has never been affectionate at all, and love is a very strange word for me.

Now that the note is up there and I'm not in the rare emotional mood that I was in earlier, I feel like I should go take the note down before she gets home. I don't know how she will react to it, how she will interpret it, or what. But I just feel like I should take it down.

What I can't figure out is if I feel that way because it's something I've never done before, or if my subconscious is telling me to take it down for a legitimate reason.


So, can anybody help me with this?

What a great thing to do, Cruz!

It sounds like your family is a bit like the one I grew up in. My parents didn't kiss or hug us once we were past the little kid stage, and I certainly didn't say I love you on a regular basis. Once we grew up, moved away, experienced other ways of interacting, etc., we started hugging when we left and writing I love you in our letters.

Fast forward to my family now: I am married to a very affectionate, demonstrative man and my kids love to hug. I know I stiffen up sometimes when they come and hug me, and have to explain that we didn't do that growing up.

I just wanted to reassure you that 1) it's normal to feel weird about expressing affection when that's not what you usually do and 2) ways of expressing caring and affection change over your life, and habits can change. These things are true if you're NT, and 1) must be even more true if you are AS.

I'd leave it up. If she asks, you can say you did it spontaneously. You don't have to say you wanted to take it down later. Just leave it up as an illustration of how you felt in that moment.

I bet it will make your mother really happy.

J.

I'm not a mum - I'm a dad.

I can tell you that a note like that would mean the world to me. You meant it when you wrote it - so leave it.

Please leave it. I also come from an emotionally uncommunicative family, but I would be so touched to receive a note like that from my child.

Leave the note. It feels weird because it is out of your comfort zone, but that doesn't mean it is the wrong the thing to do. I bet it will be a treasured keep sake for her even if it isn't how your family normally does things.

I'm a mum and that note would mean the world to me, I think you should leave it

I'm a mum - please leave the note, it will mean more than you could possibly imagine to her even if she's not very good at expressing herself either.

I left the note

awww......i bet you made your mother very happy.

I'm glad you let us know. I bet your mum was delighted!

This was a very brave thing to do! Maybe you've started something special......!

If this made you feel to exposed, you can always say I love you in other ways, like maybe playing her a special song with the message of love, or make a nice drawing with I love you and a flower or even a nice poem that you got somewhere......

Well done!

I am glad you left the note, too. It can be really hard to communicate with family members when you're not used to it, but the more you at least try to make attempts at communication like this, the better your relationship will be. Good for you for doing this =)