Aspies and their honesty

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Having read as far as rule 30 in the 'Autistic social rules book' thread - it struck me that the honesty that many Aspies seem to spout forth and live by (as I do) is NOT viewed as a quality as I've always believed it was!

As a child I was very influenced by the story 'Cry Wolf' and believed that it was actually dangerous to tell lies. Also of course I was aware of the Bible view on lies.

Now as an adult - only just starting to understand why I have this honesty 'gene' ?? I am amazed to find out that 'Honesty is the best policy' is a phrase that MOST people don't live by. They wouldn't want to live by it - and in a lot of instances it is viewed as unpleasant and rude!

My boss asked me a while back while spinning in front of me 'Everyone's admired my cardigan. Do you like my cardigan?' I frowned and answered 'No' (my though as I first walked into work and saw her in it was 'What the hell is she wearing?' and I'm almost sure that all the cardigan admirers probably had the very same thought).

I find it kinda hard not to tell the truth though. In fact it kind of physicaly hurts to tell a lie!
Anyone else feel like this? Got any truth stories to tell (try not to make them too long I get board reading long posts)?

People tend not to believe me when I say that I am physically incapable of lying, but that's where I fall. I can without question mislead, but it must all be via making truthful statements. I also absolutely hate misleading, but can do it. I've been compared to the Aes Sedai from The Wheel of Time in my lack of lying.


The best story is actually likely when I was in character for a LARP (live action role playing game). I have no issue playing another character, but as we discovered then, that character also must speak the truth. In character, I was asked a question directly that the character would not want others to know the answer to. I attempted to lie, to see if I could in character, and I literally had no voice. Nothing I did could make myself speak - its the same as when I'm in a spech shutdown.

This is what occurs when I attempt to speak falsehoods both in character and as myself, yet I've had people tell me that they find me scary in my ability to mislead if I choose to (which I tend to only do for games where that's the point).

I hate lying and always feel bad. I find it very easy to lie when I am very ashamed or embarrassed about something.

I remember being at work and I was moving to day time from swing shift and the boss assistant asked me if I was going to miss the office clerk. I said "No." He just laughed and I asked him what was so funny and he said "You're so honest. Most people would say yes fearing they might hurt their feelings." I told him I didn't miss anyone.


Another time mom asked me almost two years ago if I miss her and I told her no and that I didn't need her and I was happy without her. Two months later she said she had hurt feelings but only for ten seconds. Then she decided it's a good thing because it meant I was having a happy marriage and my husband was taking care of me and I wasn't dependent on them anymore because I had him now.

its relative
aspies are more honest
but confronted with the next higher level of honesty
they react as entie

most cliques think they are the honest ones
with the right way
the chosen ones
gods favourite children
will be punished

My most recent performance evaluation at work began with: "[Catamount] is honest and trustworthy." I kid you not. Not sure that's how I'd like to be known, but whatever.

Part of my diagnosis mentions 'issues with disclosure'. That's because I have learned that lying is not required if you never give people enough information to screw with you in the first place. People will abuse and bully you to death if they know what your weaknesses are, or what you're really thinking - even the people who claim to love you.

I can lie if I think it's important enough, but fitting in and not making people angry doesn't seem important enough to me. I will tell people my beliefs even if it makes them mad. If someone asks me a question, I answer it. I do, however, avoid talking about things that might hurt other people's feelings. I have recently been put into a large situation during which I felt compelled to lie to keep my "accomplice" from looking bad; now, I regret that.

lost my medical license due to over honesty. am much more careful now, but still get caught up in an inconvenient truth from time to time.

i can easily lie, but don't always realize when i should. i also really don't like to lie.

used to also over-disclose personal information. people never took it the way i thought they would (improved understanding, development of relationship). some were taken aback. some used the info against me. now i try to gauge the level of intimacy the relationship warrants. it's a work in progress.

It amazes me how much people lie, and not just for social niceties. Though sometimes it is I guess.

What I mean is when someone says something to one person or agrees with them but will say the complete opposite to another person. I have had to stop myself from telling this person, "hang on, but you said to" - that got me into a lot of trouble. One, I was accused of lying myself.

I can lie but feel guilty about it. In my teen years I would lie to see peoples reactions. I just loved to see how gullible they were. I'm done with that now.

I hate lying when someone asks how they look. "Different" is what I usually go with. Or I say I simply don't know because well, I don't know and I don't really care. Or the medication I'll be on will force out a "great!" because that's what it does. "We have avocados today" - "GREAT! FANTASTIC! SPECTACULAR!"

i like to believe in what im saying.

I am tying to teach my Aspie daughter "not to be that honest". You do not always need to be honest, specially if its gonna hurt someone's feelings. For example, a friend of mine gave her a Barbie doll as Christmas present. Her answer? "I do not like Barbie dolls anymore". That's honest, but my friend didnt need to know that, and it would make her feel bad, because nobody likes to give a present that is not gonna be appreciated. I told my daughter she skip that part and just say "Thank you". In the case of the cardigan, you can try to find something "not bad" to say, like "it suits you", or "I like itd buttons", or "thats a nice color" or something like that, that is truth and wont hurt feelings.

I generally will be honest and tell people the truth and what I actually think. In the past I was more cautious about speaking out, but now, at my age of 66, I could care less if I offend someone. If honesty and truth is offensive to someone, then that's their problem and not mine.

I remember a few years ago it was "hip" to believe everything someone said was a lie. That threw me for a loop because I don't like to lie and don't automatically assume anyone is lying to me.

I can lie; I've done so to people to keep them from worrying or being upset. I'm not good at it, though, because everything I think shows up on my face. Only when I'm really embarrassed or ashamed of something can I lie easily. Usually I will try to be honest.

As for white lies, usually I try to find something good about whatever it is I may not think is that great. Sometimes that works well; sometimes it doesn't.

I've been accused of lying or being sarcastic when telling the truth and absolutely believed when I was lying. Go figure.

I'm not very good at lying I tend to be outspoken, I try to be careful though as I don't like hurting people.

I find it nearly impossible to be deceptive about anything because I hate lying and dishonesty and because I have a hard time concealing my emotions, especially when they're at their strongest. Like when someone asks me "How are you?" on a day when I'm feeling sad and miserable and depressed. I may say "Fine" but my tone of voice, face and body language will all say the complete opposite. When I was a kid in grade school it was still common for teachers to strap us over the palms of our hands as punishment and once in first or second grade I was strapped in front of the class because the teacher thought I had lied to her (I didn't even know what lying meant back then). So that may be another reason why I think lying is very wrong and hate that other people lie all the time and think it's okay AND GET AWAY WITH IT! So I think you can guess how I feel about politicians and lawyers.