Encountering more socially awkward female aspies

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Ai_Ling
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23 Sep 2011, 1:07 am

I was wondering from you guys. What if you knew an aspie female who was way more awkward and probably a bit annoying. Someone who really didnt know the "social rules". And she really wanted to be your friend, how would you react. I've seen some threads on here about people complaining about other aspies.

The reason why I ask this is cause I used to be very awkward in HS. And I was trying to befriend a couple twin girls and I look back on it and I think they were probably aspie too. However it didnt go down well and they just avoided me and gave me excuses. They only had maybe 1 or 2 friends. They were rather antisocial. One of them communicated well enough when she had to, because she took acting classes. I know many female aspies can put on an act of good communication. The other one sounded very monotone and didnt have good communication(still better then I did). They were very smart, very good in literature, which I read many aspie females love literature. And one of them wished she was from the 17th century. They were both very skinny, and I heard a lot of female aspies are anorexic.

Sure I dont know for sure, if they werent aspie, Im pretty sure they are at least Nonverbal Learning Disorder. But as I look upon my HS days with much shame of not fitting in. And I find the situation weird that they coulda been aspie too and still blowing me off in the same way NTs do. And unless they've changed, I'd suspect my social skills now (due to a lot hard work) has likely surpassed them by now. But I only think that cause they were very antisocial and if they stayed antisocial there social skills cant improve very much. Its just weird to think back.

Anyways, anyone have similar experiences. From either side, the more socially competent aspie or the very socially awkward aspie.



Seventh
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23 Sep 2011, 6:29 am

I think some aspies, especially when they're in high school, are reluctant to befriend other socially awkward aspies because of self-loathing or fear of the stigma. Maybe they're still trying to "fit in" and don't want to be associated with other socially awkward people. School-age female aspies often try to fit in, or blend in with the crowd, by mimicking NTs as much as possible.

Sorry, I didn't answer your question. For me it depends how socially awkward. I have no problem with socially awkward people as long as they're not too needy or clingy. It's the neediness or clingyness that scares me a bit, because often to me it's too over-stimulating and makes me feel claustrophobic. I have aspie friends who are sometimes socially awkward (or simply lack awareness sometimes) but they're definitely not the needy type.



tomboy4good
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23 Sep 2011, 11:26 am

I seem to be the socially awkward Aspie female. :oops: I've met at least one other woman who was quirky. Even though she always said she was shy, she was also quite outspoken.

Not good at befriending others. I seem to attract people who take advantage of me. They seem sincere enough at first....later is when I discover I'd been used.


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Aspie Score: 173/200, NT score 31/200: very likely an Aspie
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pavel_filonov
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23 Sep 2011, 4:05 pm

I always think, when I don't get on with other autistic people, which sometimes happens, 'well, perhaps we just didn't have anything else in common.' So, perhaps these two girls just didn't feel like they had much else in common with you, and thought it might feel forced for you to spend time together.



peaceloveerin
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23 Sep 2011, 10:04 pm

Unfortunately, I've never met any other socially awkward female Aspies. I wish I did, though because I'd have more female friends that are my age.



blueper
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24 Sep 2011, 11:24 pm

Well, maybe some of us go through cycles. I was really really a social misfit (awkward would be a nice way of putting it) until a kindly teacher took me aside and told me rules for talking and dressing and grooming. She showed me how to mimic other kids in a way that would let me pass as normal. It actually worked, and I blended in for a few years, until I got so good at it that I didn't know who I was, and did all kinds of stuff I didn't want to in order to fit in and be liked. It also made me really exhausted and horrified. So I would drop out and be myself for awhile, then get lonely and go back to "passing" for awhile, and back and forth like that. Finally I got old enough to just find a few people who would accept me as myself (at least part of the time), and to accept myself as unable to maintain long hours of sociability, and need to recharge. Then when I figured out I was Aspie, it made so much more sense. I'm not alone being like this, so you have probably met more awkward aspie women than you realize.



Ai_Ling
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28 Sep 2011, 2:23 am

I think I saw one of them today. Its such a strange coincidence especially since I just made a post on them. I wasnt sure which one I saw cause their twins but I suspect I saw the more milder one. From an observers perspective, she looked very NT, she looked like a rather quiet, timid, little friendly, feminine girl. But as we know aspie females can easily be disguised and very hard to spot out. I was quite surprised that she was dressed fairly nicely because I recall back in HS, she nor her sister were not very fashionable. But its no surprise because a lot of us can be late bloomers. I didnt really acquire style till I was in college, as I can see, same for her. I questioned whether that was really her, but she was soo skinny, so frail looking, she looked anorexic. But as in HS, she was always very skinny but I think she's even skinner now. Like I said, if shes not aspie, shes probably NLD. In fact, I never suspected that neither of them were aspie till I read the NLD description. But that also goes into a debate about whether aspergers or NLD are that different.