What's so bad about abstinence?

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Ok, I hope that as long as people don't make posts that are too graphic, this will not be moved to the Adult Autism Forum.

ANYWAY, what is so bad about abstinence until marriage?

Ok, so I'm a Christian but I'm not going to just use "because God says so". To start off with, I cannot think of any major problems with it. Please, oh please, someone send me an article that shows on a large scale (so a trend) that people who hold off until marriage endures major consequences in their life.

Well, here are a few that people often say:

We need to "test drive" before committing to each other

Again, I have not heard of many couples who waited until marriage that they had lots of trouble. Of course, it happens, but its probably really rare. Some people even go as far to say "what if their sexual parts are somehow abnormal?" Well, if the person knows this about themselves, AND if your relationship is based on trust, then the other person will trust that he/she will tell you about it.

Society will go into chaos if people don't satify their sex drive
Really? So you're telling me that many adults who are still virgins will start to act violently? Um, evidence please?

People "back in the days" used to get married at a younger age. To abstain from sex is unrealistic.
Well, then part of the blame can be put on society. What is the alternative? Shallow relationships with multiple sexual partners. And yes, a lot of them are shallow since "your life is so busy that you are not ready to settle down" right?

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Also, there are negative consequences that go with pre-marital sex and the promiscuous lifestyle:
-passing on of STDs
-unplanned pregnancy (sometimes followed by abortion)
-comparing your different sexual partners
-inability to eventually settle down with one steady spouse

And then there is more...
Even if you eventually get married, you have a higher tendency to cheat on your spouse and families get broken.

And all of these in the name of "sexual freedom" and "satisfying your sex drive".

Seriously though, I think people exaggerate about the "need for sex". People die without food after around 3 weeks. People do NOT die from abstinence itself (maybe they get into depression and die from suicide or something but not from a lack of sex!).

One final note, this post isn't necessarily about abstinence until marriage, but perhaps just abstinence or arguing against the lifestyle of casual sex. I don't mean to offend anyone, in the end its you who make the choice, I'm just arguing from what I see is people viewing abstinence as such a negative thing and pretending that casual sex is "all good, with no consequences". If you ask me, I would say that its because the media will never show the bad consequences (they might, but only on a rare occassion).

Answer you don't get to have sex

Actually I was "untouched" until my first marriage I was 23.
it was the worst 12 years of my life she was physically and psychologically abusive.
I think a few years of messing around would have been better for me.
better for my soul.

No hanky panky

Contraception.

Abstinence is not a real solution to these problems. Whenever abstinence is promoted as a solution to them, what really happens is that it causes poor access to contraception and thus we have more of these problems.



Well, hell yeah. You say it as if it was a bad thing.

This is not a fact.

Last edited by Vexcalibur on 23 Sep 2011, 4:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You don't get to have sex, it doesn't account for rape/other forced sexual contact, it has a high likelihood of not actually being successful (i.e. you might have sex), you might end up with someone sexually incompatible, it leads to feelings of repression.

All these reasons and more.

True, comprehensive sex ed, combined with access to effective birth control, limits unplanned pregnancies and STD transmission better than abstinence education does.

Telling teens to delay having sex until marriage is simply unrealistic. Consider the fact that most people in the United States have already had sex at some point in their lives by their wedding day (Link).

EDIT: I thought this thread was focused on abstinence-only sex education, but I can see now that it's about abstinence in general. Nothing is wrong with choosing to abstain from sex until marriage. I think all life choices pertaining to sex (so long as they're within the parameters of the law) are valid. I do have a problem with abstinence-only sex education, though.

Last edited by Descartes on 23 Sep 2011, 5:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I never said that I support abstinence only education. The problem that is happening (for example in the US) is that they are teaching teens not to have vaginal sex and the teens think that other types of sexual activity (oral, anal) is fine (while they have no knowledge of birth control). Another problem is that the media conflicts with the message of abstinence. So I think it depends on the context. If the reality is that America is a sex-saturated culture, then it is best to teach methods of contraception. Heck, there are even drug injection clinics. It doesn't mean that you are trying to promote the use of illegal drugs.

Abstinence only works if it's a conscious choice and you don't repress sexual urges. For most people this isn't a viable option because it would invariably involve respression of urges (i.e. masturbation and hobbies do not fullfill all sexual cravings).

It could be. You would be thinking of whether or not your spouse is "the best one" and you'll be tempted to cheat on them.

Well, I don't see how things are really better ever since the sexual revolution, aside from the fact that its not a taboo to "fulfill your urges".

They're better in the sense that the amount of risk can be better controlled in areas that provide proper education.

Abstinence is fine for people who have never tried the alternative.

Abstinence is perfectly fine, if you want to. Like Sheldon Cooper. His friends are much more preoccupied with sex.

I don't understand what you mean.

Anyway, what I meant was that people can say things like women's rights and gay rights but I don't see those as directly having to do with relaxed sexual ethics (maybe a little bit for gay rights) in terms of "being free to have sex with a lot more people". I don't see how things were that bad before the sexual revolution, I'm not saying that things were perfect, but I feel that there is this illusion that just because people are now free to act upon any sexual urges that come up, its good for society and that a lot of society's problems are solved. Thats not true, it creates other problems.

why are some people preoccupied with sex? because of their lack of occupation with sex-I would like to have an experience that is natural and has been a natural experience for my NT peers which seems something I may never experience because of my difficulties-I guess it's in my case forced situation abstinence-I didn't choose-the other potential partners chose-which means I want to but no one wants to with me.