Crying

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Hi, I wonder how many people here cry from time to time or not at all.
My boyfriend has got Asperger's syndrome and he never cries, he doesn't understand why people cry and he cannot deal with people that cry. I have a very extreme emotional life, so I cry sometimes if my feelings are hurt. My boyfriend's reaction to this is anger and he can be very angry, aggressive and violent if I show any signs of tears.
He tells me that crying is unnecessary and I am just being stupid and illogical. I have explained to him that nobody knows the purpose of crying and that it is something people just do when they need to express feelings that they can't handle.
When he becomes angry, rejective and violent towards me it just makes me cry even more because I am not being understood, and then the circle just carries on.
How many aspies in this forum have a similar point of view on crying? What do you do when people cry?
Do you cry sometimes?

I cry and sob and whimper quite a bit for various reasons

I don't like being around people who are crying, because it means something is very wrong. It scares me when anyone but me is doing the crying. I am so alone, so scared, and so self-absorbed most of the time that I nearly go into a panic when I hear someone crying, especially if it is someone I care about. I feel the need to help and comfort, while at the same time wishing I was a 1000 miles away.

While growing up, there were various instances in my life where I was told that I was 'uncaring' and occasionally, very harshly treated for it. I was undiagnosed, I had no idea what they were talking about most of the time. I lost most of my family and friends to them thinking I didn't care. Of course, the opposite was true, but it was true that I didn't express myself like NT's. This has been the hardest part of my aspieness to deal with to this day, and since I was about 30 years old, I have grown ever increasingly isolated in order to avoid hurting people and being hurt myself.

I have cried a lot, and some of it was in front of other people, especially when I was in a state of sheer desperation to understand my situation(s). I usually avoid working myself up in public.

To this day, I almost fear seeing movies in theaters (but I will break down for a movie like Tron: Legacy) because nearly all movies have a moment or two of emotional climax that will make me cry, and you can imagine how self-conscious you would be if that happened to you. I let the tears roll when Sam met up with his dad in Tron: Legacy, I almost felt it was my duty to not be ashamed. I am 40 now and I want to set a positive example for the young people around me, so I try to put my fears aside and express the emotions that are beautiful to me.

I clicked your post just now because right before logging into Wrongplanet, I was feeling desperate about reaching my mother, and I had been studying the similarities between mental illness and religion. My mother is such a good woman, but I feel she has treated, and is treating, me with incredible cruelty because her religion tells her that I am lost and going to hell. I have a higher IQ than her and I just know it isn't so. I want her to understand that it is ok to love me or to at least understand that, admittedly, everything changes when we die and our time on Earth is ticking away every second. I want my mom and family to take advantage of the time we have left, it is urgent to me now that I have my diagnosis. I am at peace now in a way I was not before, and I have much to share with my estranged family - that makes me cry.

In summary, when I am alone and in certain moods, I can literally whip myself into a depressed frenzy and cry for hours. It was much worse when I drank alcohol, but it is still a part of how I deal with certain things.

I cried some when I wrote this, because things are more intense when I lay them out in writing.

I cry 2-4 times a month. I cry, but it's not like I,m constantly crying many times a day.

I fill up with sympathy when others cry. I have the urge to give them a cuddle.

I cry a lot. I have a fragile state of mind, so I cry easily.

I am fragile as well... slight offenses - verbal, nonverbal, etc.. i cry of loneliness, i cry of paranoia.. i am crying a lot lately..

Not crying is not an ASD thing. It's a male thing...guys are more likely to express intense emotions as anger and aggression rather than crying, because they see it as a sign of weakness and femininity. Other guys will enforce this view on women as well, telling them to "suck it up" as they will see expressions like this as negative for anyone. A few guys have done this to me when I was in tears....it doesn't help at all though...it just makes things worse, so i know how you feel.

Perhaps what you could do for your boyfriend is explicitly suggest the ways he could act in this situation to make you feel a bit better. Often, just a simple hug is comforting, even if he can't fully undertstand what is bothering you.

The only thing that ever makes me cry is if something bad happens to an animal, especially a cat. Even thinking about it now is putting tears in my eyes

I almost never cry anymore, but as a child and teen I cried a lot.

I'm kind of weird with crying, something like my grandma dying isn't likely to make me cry, but movies can. Emotionally I am more moved by fiction; real life tends to make me feel depressed (but not teary sad) or content (but not hysterically joyous).

As for other people crying, it doesn't bother me, sometimes I can kind of jealous that they can be so tender and empathetic, but I would never lash out at them. I don't think it's a weakness, though people who go on and on and on about their dead relatives and stuff can be kind of depressing and annoying to be around.

I wish I cried more often. It makes me feel a lot better. I cried after a stressful social situation about a month ago, but before that, I don't think I had cried in many months, possibly even years.

Just because of the stereotype that guys don't cry (or don't cry much), I clicked on your profile RockDrummer616 to verify that you were a male because you said you wished you cried more often. I am a male, and I think I feel like you. Crying can relieve stress and as you said, make us feel better. I don't cry much. I have never seen my father cry. The closest was after his father (my grandfather)---my dad arrived at the nursing just as his father died. I met my father in the hallway of the nursing home, and my father's eyes were slightly red. That was the closest I ever saw him cry. I never saw either of my grandfathers cry. But I have cried. I feel uncomfortable admitting that---but I am not ashamed of admitting that I have cried. I think it is necessary at times. Darn life can be so frustrating sometimes that I just don't see how I can get through it. I get so overwhelmed. I feel like crying now. My job is causing me a lot of stress. I don't feel in control anymore. Everyday I finish my day at work, I feel like I have climbed Mt. Everest with at least a couple of close calls. Then I realize my difficult climb begins anew tomorrow. I hope I don't fall.

This.

I probably cry less than I did about three months ago, when I finally decided to stop visiting my dad. Loud arguments set me off, and most of them had my father involved.

Other than that I don't really cry. But I will help someone who is crying.

Your boyfriend needs therapy. Seriously, this can't be good for the relationship. AS can't excuse it. It might be caused by the AS but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it.

I'm a crier. Negative emotions (and even sometimes some positive ones) can make me angry, but I don't verbally attack people for it. I just find a nice quiet spot to vent.
I don't like to cry in public. I really don't want people to ask what's wrong with me. Though sometimes it does come out before I can get away.

I cry every now and then, haven't in a while though.

From a personality type perspective there are thinkers or feelers. We supposedly are born with one or the other as our main way of discerning the world. I find that thinkers under stress become locked more and more into their thinking mode and lose access to their compassion and feeling function and vice versa for feelers who become overwhelmed when stressed and lose access to thinking function . . can't think clearly. The trick is to lower stress and not try to resolve issues when only one of the functions is accessible.

So thank-you. This clears up for me that not all as type people have a lack of empathy as I have been reading in so many questionairres and diagnostic tools. I have all the as traits except I am over sensitive to feelings, mine and others..... so perhaps it is just the anxiety as people experience that produces the so called feelingless responses.

I have lost my job but have to organise audit processes..... I cried today.