Sussing out aspie traits vs personality

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I'm not sure if this is a question, or just me needing to get some things out of my head..

I've just recently found out that I have AS, and for the most part I feel relieved that there is an explanation for me being the way I am.. but there are also a lot of nagging questions that I have about who I really am...

Where does the AS stop and the personality begin?

It makes sense that a lot of us share some common traits, but if I start checking off all of my quirks, that I now know are related to the AS, there doesn't seem to be much left that is me...

sure there's lots left of you. what kind of music do you like? what's your favorite sport? who's your best friend? are you a dog person or a cat person? what was your favorite subject in school? are you more of a talker or a listener? and on and on.

This may get long...I often ramble, but there will be good insight you may find useful. Warning, I use metaphors when something is hard to express/explain.

The quick version is that AS is at the root of your personality... If your personality were a plant then AS would either be the soil or the seed the plant sprang from. The seed defines the most basic characteristics of what type of plant it is...in this case the seed's genetic code would be AS traits. But that's where it ends. The quirks are all your own just as oak trees are identifiable as "that is definitely an oak tree over there", the exact shapes of the branches is unique to each of those oak trees just as your quirks & personality are unique to you. If you were in a room full of Aspies, maybe a couple of quirks may be shared by a couple of them, but every personality would still be unique.

Learning that you have AS does not mean you have lost anything, your personality does not lose any shine, it does not get absorbed into "typical" AS traits... It sounds like that's what you're afraid has happened. Maybe you feel less unique than before you found out about AS. I know I struggled last year when I finally found out there was something that could explain why I was so different from most people, had such a hard time fitting in. I thought that finding out I was an Aspie meant eveything about me was AS...but I have yet to meet another Aspie completely like myself.

To continue the oak tree metaphor... Some oak's branches form in a way that makes them perfect for mounting a swing for kids (or us ever-playful Aspies), other oaks form ideal shade trees for reading on lazy Summer afternoons, other oaks good for nesting birds to gather, and some are just plain nutty which is still good to keep squirrels fed. hehehe All still oaks, all different forms & functions. And technically, the unique design of the branches are formed by the influences of Sun and rain/weather...which in this case represent your life experiences (such as social interactions or your school years) and your realizations/epiphanies/perceptions.

I enjoy being an Aspie now. During grade school & high school not so much. hehehe

I'm glad that you found a place where you can ask questions, especially since it sounds like you're truly concerned. Don't be concerned, but do be curious and do ask the hard questions. I spent my first year doing that...and now I want to see if I can give others some of the answers I found...or further my learning on the topic of AS since that also tells me more about me...either that another Aspie is similar in some ways or else that they are very different. Both are good things.

I hope I helped at least a little,
Richard

I guess I'm not doing a great job articulating what I mean...

I know that there are facets of my personality that are distinctly mine, I'm just having trouble figuring out which ones are actual preferences that I developed on my own, independent of the AS, and which ones came about because of the AS.

For example I love to cook, I'm pretty sure that is just me. But if I think about things like my temper, my obsessive researching habits, my dislike of hugging, my lack of empathy, etc... Well those all seem like they developed as a result of the AS.

I'm new to all of this, and I over analyze everything because I think I can find logical explanations for everything. I can't help myself.

Thanks Richard, my last post was written before I read yours...

Great analogy, and yes that gets at the "root" of my question/concern. Thanks for your insight, it does help...

I got to say. Because of posts like this one, this site is amazing. I may have questions about my disorder, but every time I turn to these forums I find one more answer to a question that I didn't know I had.
Thank you all for using this site.
Rene

I feel the same way Rene, this site has just about every topic/question covered I'm sure...

I just wish I knew about it a loooooooooong time ago...

Miggy, I have been going through this same process for the last year.

At first, I was upset. For 35 years, I was just "weird." Now I am a very typical, normal Aspie. Still the same person.

Now I'm totally ok with it. It's quite comforting to belong in a group, for pretty much the first time ever.

Even if you are one in a million, with as many humans as live on this earth, being one in a millions means that there are 6775 people exactly like you.

i got diagnosed because my grandson got diagnosed (insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids) he and i can relate on only the most basic issues, because (if you believe in it) there are major flavors of aspie. he is "fantasy boy" and i am "logic boy". we're about 1.5% of the population and we seem to have as much diversity in personality as the other 98.5% . that's a lot of ground for each of us to cover ...

so i think i'm trying to say - it's not so much what your personality is, but how those personality traits are basically expressed that is the Asperger's. you like to cook. i like to cook - do you have to wipe your hands everytime you crack an egg? for all 5 eggs in a rum cake?

i'm putting in a MythTV system - as soon as I build an appropriate rack for it. things have to be in a proper place, properly constructed, before i can concentrate on using then. my fantasy boy prefers to arrange his "hot wheels" than race them.

Does that make sense? I don't feel i do anything that different from my NT neighbors, in detail, but the sum total ends up a bit weird.

I think every personality trait you have is you. I have known some aspies who I thought were just quirky. Even NT's have some unusual traits, like a black sense of humor and superstitious beliefs. Some NT's are naturally friendly and well-liked; others have to struggle to make friends.
You are a unique person. Don't get hung up on which behaviors are 100% you and which are influenced by Asperger's. If having the diagnosis makes you feel relieved that is great. But ultimately, it shouldn't make that much difference in your life. As you were before your diagnosis, you should just try to be the best person you can be - someone you like. The only benefit you may get from your diagnosis is to be more aware of behaviors that you might want to work on.

I find the comparison to cats interesting because I have concluded that all cats have psychological issues: they use calming behaviors often, such as kneading or licking; they can change from friendly to aggressive in an instant; they use repetitive behaviors (when I open the door for my cat to go out, he walks down the hall, back to the door, back down the hall, back to the door, etc. several times before he finally goes out.) Since all cats exhibit these behaviors, it is normal.