Do others "fear" you because of your intelligence?

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I have recently come across a number of women who have admitted that they either "fear" or are "intimidated" by my intelligence. This isn't to say I am smarter than the average man. In fact, I believe I am quite normal in intelligence, but rather prefer to think deeper than others. Ironically, this has caused many women to "turn me down". They will often say "I'm not good enough for you", "you are too perfect", or "you are too smart". This comes from all types of women. I try not to carry myself with "bravado". I rather enjoy talking with others, and listening to what they have to say. Any other Aspies have the same problem? How do you deal with the issue?

Get used to it People typically get intimidated by smart people, especially those who don't try to hide it. I've come to the conclusion that if they get intimidated by my intelligence, too bad.

~Kate

Heard so many times "You're thinking way too much," which always confused me since i believe we got a mind to use it. At some point i responded with telling them they're thinking far too little.

Neurotypical brains work in a different way so they don't need to think as much as we do. This allows them to live on autopilot. However, i wonder how it would be possible to stop thinking even for one second.



This simple fact also explains why we are aliens here. If people would make sensible and rational decisions the planet wouldn't be such an overcrowded mess.

It's the best to stay off of people who are disconcerted by your intellectual depth.

I had several teachers who hated me for it and would try to make me feel inferior whenever they could.

Femspeak to English translations:

"I'm not good enough for you" --> "I feel stupid around you"

"You are too perfect" --> "You think you're better than everyone"

"You are too smart" --> "You'd see through my BS too quickly"

Girls are smart enough to know that a relationship can end at anytime, so they can pick and choose what they want to do in a relationship without causing too much of stir, so the "boyfriend" won't pick up on it but sometimes they do and just don't care.

i know the answer, and its not pretty.. the others here are a little off base unfortunately.

basically the girls feel like you aren't showing empathy. but they're saying it to you in girl language.

but the good news is they are attracted enough to you to hang out with you.. and they also respect your intelligence. so you have two excellent attributes already. if you are able to solve the empathy problem then you may become something of a ladies man

while this doesn't appear to be solveable just yet, i happen to believe there are some solutions for the autism spectrum and empathy brewing, so i'd stick around on WP. it may take a year or two, but its happening.

Most women (including my wife) seem to feel threatened when I find a solution for their problems before they've finished expression their feeling about those same problems. I've had to learn to listen to and acknowledge their feelings many times over before even suggesting that I might have a possible solution. Convincing them to even try the solution is an even bigger chore, because many of the solutions I offer might make them seem cold or mean to others if they should try them.

Most of the time, I just wisely nod my head and try not to stare at their breasts.

I could never figure out why my wife tells me all her problems, and not expect me to offer simple solutions or explanations; listening and offering no solutions, was hard, but watching women discuss this kind of stuff, I notice they just look, nod their head, and offer only affirmations of the complaints or problems given. And occasionally say ooh or aah, in empathy accord.

Even beyond that, saying okay to one of her requests was usually met with no it's no okay, you didn't do what I asked you to do. Then I would respond alright, and get back no it's not alright. I guess the appropriate response is just to listen in most cases.

Last edited by aghogday on 05 Oct 2011, 11:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What are the Manspeak translations? I've had numbers 1 and 3 said to me. 3 has been said a lot.

"I'm not good enough for you" --> "You are a goddess!"

"You are too perfect" --> "Are they real?"

"You are too smart" --> "Shuddup and gimme a beer!"

It has nothing to do with them being women. My husband does the same thing to me...I start going on about what to DO and he wants to talk about how he FEELS, and gets annoyed when I don't respond to it. I get frustrated when there isn't anything to DO about a problem and people just want me to listen to how they FEEL about it.

~Kate

It is ***not*** about gender. I find myself in the same position as you do.

~Kate

People seem to fear me in general; I have no idea whether this is because of my intelligence or not, but they look at me as though I'd just stepped out of another dimension or something.

Meyers- brigs extroversion/ introversion. ^

Last edited by Mdyar on 06 Oct 2011, 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest all women, just anecdotal from my experience, and suggested by psychologists that some women gain the bulk of their emotional support through other women to get them through stressfull times. My sister is diagnosed with Aspergers, and she experiences this the way I do as well. That's not to suggest that the issue is limited to women with Aspergers either, just clarifying that I understand it's not a characteristic limited to gender.

Psychologists suggest that culture and genetics may play a role in how the genders, on average approach stressful situations. On average psychologists suggest some women turn to emotional support whether it is family or friends, while some men turn to watching sports, etc. Certainly not the case for all members of either gender.

Our culture is becoming more egalitarian in nature, so it stands to reason that the cultural roles are not as rigid as they are in some other cultures.