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ab65
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11 Oct 2011, 1:54 am

When I am walking about in public, I continuously feel as though those around me stare at me for prolonged periods of time. I realize that it is usual to glance at others within your space so that you can assess whether that person might be a potential threat to yourself, but I believe this is not what others do when they look at me. To me it seems people often communicate messages of hostility and aggressiveness towards me, just from taking a look at their eyes. Often misinterpreting facial expressions probably does not serve to make this any easier for me.
I asked one of my few close friends about this, and his response was that because I have a noticeably different presence from most, people tend to take notice (whether they do that involuntarily or not is another matter, also of possible interest). Another thing this person mentioned was that it is possible for someone to stare at another person (me) out of affection or admiration. I never even considered this to be a possibility.
These situations are so anxiety inspiring that I become consciously nervous to the point of increasing my suspiciousness and attract more attention. I become very paranoid and walk very briskly, having in mind no specific destination. This aimless walking resulting from this paranoia runs rampant throughout my daily life. It is debilitating.
Any suggestions what can be done to cope or how to interpret others' stares differently so as not to be so negatively affected?



Fragmented
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11 Oct 2011, 2:05 am

"That person is staring at me, how nice of them to notice my new haircut."

Lol, I get the feeling that people stare at me too. I think we definitely give off a presence that others can detect, though in my case I'm 6'6, so I'm hardly one to blend into a crowd.

Don't let the eyes get you down,
Everytime they look you frown,
But when you smile at them,
The look you get is a gem.

Treasure the gem and smile! :D


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Sean_91
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11 Oct 2011, 3:40 am

ab65 wrote:
When I am walking about in public, I continuously feel as though those around me stare at me for prolonged periods of time. I realize that it is usual to glance at others within your space so that you can assess whether that person might be a potential threat to yourself, but I believe this is not what others do when they look at me. To me it seems people often communicate messages of hostility and aggressiveness towards me, just from taking a look at their eyes. Often misinterpreting facial expressions probably does not serve to make this any easier for me.
I asked one of my few close friends about this, and his response was that because I have a noticeably different presence from most, people tend to take notice (whether they do that involuntarily or not is another matter, also of possible interest). Another thing this person mentioned was that it is possible for someone to stare at another person (me) out of affection or admiration. I never even considered this to be a possibility.
These situations are so anxiety inspiring that I become consciously nervous to the point of increasing my suspiciousness and attract more attention. I become very paranoid and walk very briskly, having in mind no specific destination. This aimless walking resulting from this paranoia runs rampant throughout my daily life. It is debilitating.
Any suggestions what can be done to cope or how to interpret others' stares differently so as not to be so negatively affected?

I know exactly how this feels like, and I get it quite a lot. A lot of people fear those they don't understand, and some people will act hostile due to this. I use public transportation a lot and the amount of stares I receive depends on my mood. I tend to read books when using public transportation, and it works in reducing my anxiety levels (and the number of stares that I get).



hanyo
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11 Oct 2011, 3:46 am

People stare at me too sometimes and I don't like it.

Also I've seen people say they are more comfortable around young children because they aren't judgmental but it makes me uncomfortable how some small children and babies stare at me like they have never seen anything like me before. I do have long hair down to my waist. Maybe some people stare at that.



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11 Oct 2011, 5:08 am

yes I get the feeling of being stared at because they are judging me because of the way I look or my size or how I am dressed-it is very distressing.


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11 Oct 2011, 5:35 am

This happened to me in church on Sunday. This person constantly turned around to look at me. I pretended not to notice but I did. I was thinking to myself, what is that person's problem, don't they know that is rude? If someone wants to talk to me, I'm fine with that. If they don't it makes me feel like a freak.



Joe90
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11 Oct 2011, 6:17 am

My friends and family say that people stare at eachother all the time, but I feel they are staring at me more (could be irrarional thinking with me - I do have Social Phobia). But I don't like people staring at me. I find it intimidating and very distracting. I was always taught not to stare at people when I was a child, and I thought that the rule would be implied as one of the hidden rules people tend to follow (since everything else I was taught is).

I go out looking presentable and I don't act any different to anyone else (I am high-functioning enough to know better with this sort of thing). I was even told by 2 different people that my posture isn't even bad. I looked at myself in photos and my posture was just ordinary. And by looking presentable enough to blend in and standing up straight I thought that would cover up any vibes. Even if I was a bit different (I don't know how), I'm still not different enough to be stared at. I've seen people much more weird-looking than me about, so I just don't get why people would stare.

Also having people staring at me has caused a major anxiety, because it makes me feel I'm being watched or spied on. I've been on job-seekers for over 3 years now, and I heard that sometimes the job centre sends out spies to watch some unemployed people to see if they are still unemployed, and I don't like the thought of being watched like that. But it's not only that. I feel that people staring at you can be very creepy. I shouldn't be made to feel like this when taking a trip upto the supermarket or waiting at the bus stop. I wish people would leave me alone and stare at something worth staring at.


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glider18
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11 Oct 2011, 6:35 am

No, I don't see people staring at me for long periods of time, nor do I feel like people stare at me for long periods of time. The only time people tend to do that with me is when I am playing music in front of a group of people.


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Keeno
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11 Oct 2011, 10:07 am

Doesn't really happen to me at all. I guess people don't find my appearance notable, unusual or unconventional enough to stare. It might well happen to a lot of Aspies I know because of their dress habits.



aspie48
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11 Oct 2011, 10:23 am

I often find that people stare at me a lot because I make too much eye contact.



Joe90
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11 Oct 2011, 10:33 am

Keeno wrote:
Doesn't really happen to me at all. I guess people don't find my appearance notable, unusual or unconventional enough to stare. It might well happen to a lot of Aspies I know because of their dress habits.


I don't go out with unusual or unconventional appearence, but I still get everyone staring at me. I don't have any odd dress habits at all. Can't make it out.

I would have thought NTs would know better not to stare at someone, especially someone who isn't even that different.


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stanhope
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11 Oct 2011, 11:33 am

ab65 wrote:
I realize that it is usual to glance at others within your space so that you can assess whether that person might be a potential threat to yourself, but I believe this is not what others do when they look at me. To me it seems people often communicate messages of hostility and aggressiveness towards me,

It's not just so you can screen for potential threats, if you want to look at this evolutionary you also got to consider that we (even Aspies) are social people, we don't stand a chance out there (by ourselves) where there are threats like hunger and lions and so on. Apart from that a large part of our brain is involved in spotting and recognising faces, people like to watch at faces and it stimulates them in all kinds of ways, we are allways looking for potential friends for safety and potential mates for reproducing.
People look at each other all the time, the reason this is difficult for people with ASD is that they have a problem developing theory of mind, you cannot know what they're thinking so some kind of projection is beeing made automatically and depending on your state of mind you'll react emotionally to that (if you feel great and dare to perform like the boy above, you think everyone is smiling at you and you won't interpret anything negatively, and the other way around)
Remember people aren't judging or being aggressive towards you, you look at them too! It's your own projection.

The best (maybe hardest) thing to do is to verify your thoughts if this happens, it will make you feel better about yourself and your social interaction skills. This means that when being looked at, you just go over and say Hi! If this is to hard, just try to smile and you'll be allright after a while!

I hope this was of any help, I'm experiencing some troubles with this myself and I know that if you get to obsessed about it it can be a real pain in the ass.



Joe90
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11 Oct 2011, 3:21 pm

It is usual to look at people to a certain extent, because otherwise everybody would just be walking into eachother or not seeing people they know, or would never get to know anyone, and the world would be a dull place. But I think staring at some random person should be classed as socially inappropriate. I would have thought it would be, knowing the social world and some of the stupid senseless social rules.


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Zexion
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11 Oct 2011, 3:24 pm

I don't think anyone has ever stared at me. I unintentionally stare at people sometimes though... It's like my eyes get absorbed by their face.



Whosinabunker
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11 Oct 2011, 10:11 pm

As someone who is 6 feet and 7 inches tall and I weigh about 250 lbs...I don't blend in well...AT ALL. And I get all fidgety when someone can see me, it's weird, even if they aren't looking at me I get all anxious, though the past 2 days I have found some comfort stims to help me and actually, this past week my self esteem has skyrocketed (not sure why) and I couldn't care less!



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11 Oct 2011, 11:07 pm

I'm a bit paranoid because I always think everybody is staring at me and whispering about me. I don't like people standing behind me because I'm afraid they are going to hurt me. But I do know for a fact that people stare at me. Whether it's on purpose or not I can't tell. Sometimes, when I'm really stressed, I feel like I might cry when they stare at me. Other times, when I'm really upbeat, I feel almost like breaking out into some kind of dance. If they're gonna stare might as well give them a show.