I suspect my love interest has AS characteristics. Help plz.

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Hello all. I just registered into this forum community, so I am totally new. I honestly found out about Asperger's Syndrome yesterday, so I am new to the whole thing. Please forgive me for being naive. This won't be a perfect sounding post. I was originally in a search to figure out the long-term effects of an adult who has had a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but reading about people who are Aspies sounds an awful lot like this young woman I have been talking to for a year.

I met this great young woman in November of last year, 2010 on OkCupid. She is unlike any other woman I have ever encountered before. She comes across as very proper and formal in manner. That was a turn-on because it meant to me that she had a lot of class and self-respect. She appears to be very smart, and makes very smart decisions about just about everything. She studied Opera for about ten years, gets very good grades, loves to cook and is a very good conversationalist about what I consider to be important worldly topics. She knows proper etiquette and seems to know what's appropriate and inappropriate behavior in public. That was cool to find out. We have the same views on religion and politics. I think she's beautiful, and she finds me to be 'handsome.' We can relate to having significantly older half-siblings but being raised as an only child. We were both raised by poor single mothers, and it just seems like we click and share some experiences. Because of how she handles herself, it has made me want to be a better person in terms of work ethic, ambition to get a master's degree and eventually a doctorate degree. It is safe to say that I have fallen deeper in love with her the more I got to know her.

This woman seems like a perfect match, and appeared to have everything I have wanted in a woman in terms of a life partner, but something is missing between the two of us. The more I've gotten to know her, the more obvious it is. I can honestly never tell if she feels the same way about me. She says she likes me and I'm sure that she does, but it doesn't FEEL that way. Allow me to explain why and forgive me if I may forget some things, or was vauge:

-She never says my name when talking to me. At first I didn't notice, but I found it to be so odd. I checked to see if it was just me, but she does it to her best friend too.

-She NEVER calls me. I am always the one who calls, so we rarely speak on the phone. This confuses me. If I do call, it's a crap-shoot if I get to speak to her. Even when we both plan in advance to set up a calling time, it's a crap-shoot. Since late June, we've only spoken 4-5 times. We speak nearly everyday on Facebook, and she will message me on there. It's fascinating.

- She somewhat speaks in an unenthusiastic way. I guess you could say monotone. She laughs, she smiles at times, but more often than not, she has a serious face and speaks in monotone. (I do too. Another reason why I related to her).

- She doesn't give emotional feedback when it comes to me trying to build an emotional intimate connection. ex. Me: You're a special person in my life. Her: You're a special person too.

- We'll be talking on Facebook, and sometimes I get very little feedback from her, or she'll suddenly disappear for a while and then come back many hours later talking about something else without finishing what we were originally talking about. I never say anything about it.

- She seems to not know how to flirt, and she takes some things I say to her too literal/too seriously. Also if I ask her a a certain question about Love, she'll give me the intellectual type of answer, but not so much the romantic aspect of Love. She is the first woman to have said she believes engagement rings are tacky. I have no idea how to be romantic with her. I feel scared to 'make moves.' When I think of teasing someone you like, I'm thinking flirting, but she is thinking teasing as hurting that person's feelings.

I feel as if this is the type of person who I'll never hear "I love you." from. Do you think she has Asperger's Syndrome? I personally am not 100% sure. The only background information I can give you is that her biological father was a manipulative and abusive man who she says has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and she does NOT get along with her father. She has always lived with her mom, but she fears the worst, she does not like condescending people (especially men), shes skeptical of everyone and everything, she believes she can read people and know what their intentions are, so her circle of friends is very tight. If she does, or doesn't, do you guys have any nonthreatening ways to try and build an emotional connection between me and her? I do feel bad for having to come online and ask these questions to strangers instead of talking with her directly. I am just so afraid that I may trigger some deeply embedded issue, and I'm not trying to mess this up in any way. I don't want her to take things the wrong way, especially if I don't know how to effectively communicate this issue to her. Good advice and understanding is highly appreciated. Thanks for reading this.

Asperger's people generally have poor social skills but want to associate with people, at least on some level.

Perhaps she's more schizoid than Asperger's? Schizoid people often have reasonable social skills and can function well in society but come across as somewhat 'cold' individuals.

I'm not autistic (my son is) and I don't use people's names when I'm speaking to them. I only call someone by name when I'm attracting their attention, not in conversation. I find it quite disconcerting when people use my name when they are chatting to me.

It is not impossible that she may be on the Spectrum, but equally what you describe could be attributed to any number of reasons, singly or in combination. By the sounds of it she had a difficult childhood, and that can have a lasting effect on someone, particularly in relation to trust and emotional expression.

A lot of people dislike talking on the phone, and for some it may be because they have difficulty hearing or knowing how to bring a conversation to a close.

I think you really need to work out which of these issues are really important to you, and then have a chat with her about them.

I dont say names either, thought it was just me. I dont even like to say my own name