harassment, need to vent

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I have been upset to point of fighting off tears of anger over ongoing harassment by a fellow student. I am a 54 year old woman who is back in school, and work very hard at the classes and at not feeling out of place.

Since mid August there has been a dumbass chipmunk faced good ole country boy harassing me. Last week got in my face, in front of a witness telling me "I know what kind of crazy old lady you are," etc etc etc. I am too upset to even type it all. I try to avoid him, today went out of his way to call down the hall about how lazy I was to take the elevator, got up to the elevator and yelled in at me etc.

I am going to report him tomorrow, hope that age and gender discrimination laws apply. Crazy thing is, he is an occupational health and safety major like myself, a field that's all about people's well being and laws. Can't decide whether I should go to the head of the dept before going to the eoc. I really don't want the little pissant to get a heads up, would just as soon he keep it up and hang his ugly self, would love to see him booted from the program.

Had to come here and vent, no friends, no family that I can call to cry to.

wow hugz!! !! maybe he is teasing you because he sees he can get a rise out of you which if that's it then I suppose he has been successful at unfortunately. Maybe the best thing you can do for yourself (if you don't enjoy the teasing at all) is then quietly kindly report him to whoever (but it will just be heresay) or just concern yourself more with being around people who make you happy rather than some stupid immature boy. hope this helps!!

Why did he call you crazy? Was something said in one of your classes that could have triggered this kind of response? Just wondering. Its very rare that someone would just act this way without reason. Even if its small and stupid there is usually always a reason. In fact, I have had people who act awful towards me and later find out its because I ignored them (oops didnt mean to). However, it very well could be because of your age.

Here is what I would do if I was in your position:
1. Notify someone without any intention of a course of action. Its probably best to go to an on-campus counselor or victim services. They are better coped at handling these kind of problems. I think it would be best to inform someone for your own emotional well-being, safety, feedback, and even knowledge. You could also go to the head of department or someone within your field as well. However, if you go to someone within your field let them know that its a situation that cant continue, but you would like it to end in a peaceful manner. After all, you don't want to be the person that gets angry and demands that the guy get kicked out of the program.
2. Try to have a decent conversation with the guy Remember to not throw out any insults even ones like...immature, ridiculous, and young man. Try to get to the heart of the issue. "Sorry if I offended you...." etc. Also, do this in a public area.
3. Continue with a course of action Let whoever know that things have not changed. They will decide what to do from there.

Asking me why he called me crazy is a little odd. How the heck should I know, maybe I should go ask him and give him an opportunity to be insulting and hostile again, this time with me asking for it.I have tried it all, I have much experience in the real world and am fairly bright, still.
People do horrific things to other people all the time, not saying this if horrific, but there is no reason other than some internal driving factors for much of the awful things people do to each other.
I have tried it all, ignoring, joking, casual conversation that included a little self disclosure (in case he felt intimidated for some reason), tried to write it off as his reaction to his own high level of anxiety (and hoped he would get over it).

Thanks for the suggestions, but since this has gone on since mid August, and seems to be escalating, and it is NOT my fault, nor is it on me to act like a stone and not let him get to me, I am informing the head of the department, then the EOC, they will investigate.

I have no doubt that some adult who behaves like this has a history of doing things like this to others.

Seriously, reading on these forums makes me sad so much of the time because there is so much of the "don't let it get to you" advice. Sometimes that works, but when things continue, we have to have the balls to take action, and the appropriate action is to get the official record started and let the right people investigate.

To mego, it is not rare that people act in hostile ways towards others, don't know what world you live in. Aggression is very common in many forms from the slight pushing someone around, to full scale genocide.

Yeah, reminds me of someone who I used to deal with at an old job. Owned a cigar shop a couple of doors down and got on swimmingly with my Uncle. Used to come in and harass the hell out of me, would call me "cutie" (I'm a guy) and all sorts of other bull. Stuff I don't want to bother writing either. Thank god it wasn't in front of a group of customers. Although i'm sure 1 or 2 heard and were possibly confused.

I tried every single thing in the book, to be very nice.. to say it made me uncomfortable, (Which I was VERY uncomfortable in my own skin) avoid him, nothing worked. This guy got on swimmingly with my uncle who visited the shop (My uncle worked with me), but was just a prick to me.

Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason, these morons try to make your life miserable because their life is miserable. They try to start off light to vent some steam, "harmlessly" then get addicted to the point its harassing. Their lives are so pathetic, they aren't worth anyones time and if you can get someone involved (his boss, lawful restraining order, etc) do it.

I am sorry you went through this.

Thanks so much for your support. I feel so horrible today, lack of sleep, nauseous, just a nervous wreck, trying to not start crying, and mad at myself at the same time for not being tougher. Called one office, they referred me to public safety, who said they needed to contact student relations or something like that, can't even remember the term they used. I first had to call an instructor because I wasn't even sure of this jerk's name, so I just described him and she gave a couple of names, one was familiar. Public safety called to say that it might have to wait until I am in the next class for that instructor (which will be Monday since I didn't go today).

It was so creepy being in that elevator with him at the door, yelling and grinning, like he is a whole lot more twisted than I imagined.
Trying to calm myself down, not dwell on it, try to see it as just another challenge of being in school at such an age, but then as I try to do something, I suddenly become overwhelmed with the urge to cry and or throw up. I so hate being at the point of believing there is no choice but to report his actions.

Part of it that really makes me sad is that there are so many people on this earth who need to relieve themselves of feeling bad and choose to do so by victimizing others in all kinds of ways.

Update:

He continued harassing me the day I went back, I got his name by asking for it right in front of him, The woman either didn't know his last name or wouldn't tell me, so I got that from the instructor.

After that class he was yelling at me "goodbye (myname), goodbye (myname), even though we are in another class together after that. Then after that class I waited around, didn't see him in the room, packed up and left, and DAMN, he was behind me in the hall. I think he was actually outside (there is an exit right near the classroom), and he followed me down the halls yelling in a mocking tone "why are you mad at me (myname), why are you mad at me (myname).

Public safety talked to him, called me and said they hoped he got the message, but that they thought it odd that several times when speaking with him he said "I ain't hittin on her" and the cop asked me if I ever got the feeling this guy liked me and this was his way of dealing with it. I said NO (he is at least 30 years younger than me, and that is just disgusting in my book). If I had gotten that vibe from him I probably would have vomited on him!

I also want to add that on here there were things that weren't terribly supportive. Why on earth would people, when reading a post, jump to a conclusion that if some other person called them a name, there must have been something they did to deserve it. Oh, but we are on wrong planet, and one of the saddest things I read on here is the constant self blaming for bad treatment by some. The only thing that someone does that is being harassed or abused that is their "fault" is being in the vicinity of a person that wants to act that way.

When it happens, the choice to behave in certain way comes after the event, and includes doing something to stand up for yourself, no matter how wigged out it makes you. There is never way to behave that will insure that one will not be the target for some jerk, criminal, rapist, bully, etc. We all have a right to be who we are in this world as long as it's not hurting others. It's the people hurting others that are the ones in the wrong.

that sounds like childish playground bullying and i'm shocked it's going on between adults. he obviously has some sort of issues and isn't normal, don't take it personally or let it get to you too much if possible- it was a problem with him causing this, not with you. Hope things improve now that someone has spoken to him, and well done for doing something to stick up for yourself (:

Thanks for the support, I do hope it's over, but the lack of maturity of this person keeps me on edge, so time will tell. I don't know if I am assessing other aspects accurately, but it seems like other people in classes are going out of their way to be extra nice.
It's just so strange, I kept running through all the things that might be going on with him, a little OCD fixation on me for some personal reason, extreme anxiety that causes him to seem hostile, having a hard time, seriously having issues about older women from past experiences, having always had a bully mentality believing in a pecking order and thought I was an easy target, either because he is a bullyor has been bullied, wonder if he is doing really badly in classes (in one class he made a big deal out of turning in a simple assignment a month late) and is kind of spinning out of control, maybe has male authority figures in his life that are very sexist or just plain believes a woman my age should not be in classes and should be home baking cookies or doing laundry etc etc etc.

I will be glad when this upcoming week is over and believe if nothing else happens, then maybe it is over.