Does anybody else have this problem?

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I have allot of problem socially, but there is one that just bugs the heck out of me more than anything else :/

So basically, when I was young I was very quickly informed that It was rude not to maintain eye contact when someone was talking to you or if you were talking to them. Of course I believed this to be pointless, but I didn't want to be rude(mostly dreading punishment for being rude).
So I worked really hard and got really good at remembering to maintain eye contact during conversation. Mission complete right? Oh course not.

I very soon learned that "staring" is considered rude, which apparently my maintaining of eye contact was classified as, this baffled me. I mean, I have to make sure to make eye contact, or else, it's rude. But If I maintain TOO much eye contact, It's considered rude.
This still confuses me today, I have to actively think about it, being sure to maintain eye contact, but every once-and-a-while, look around the room randomly so I don't stare. Allot of times I get a weird look, am I not suppose to take breaks with my eye contact now? Am I doing it incorrectly? Am I using the wrong eye contact : no eye contact ratio?

I don't get it.
My constant worry about this during conversation is very annoying and I believe can cause me to miss out on important aspects of the conversation because my mind is busy.

Thoughts? Anyone else have this problem?

Apparently while in conversation you're supposed to maintain eye contact for like, 5 seconds, then, if you're continuing the conversation, you look up and to the right or left. Down means you're not interested/ending the conversation.

I know, it's a pain to have to remember this and do all of it during a conversation, and just trying to learn to do it makes you miss more than you would if they were just annoyed with you.

Personally I don't like eye contact, I make it, but I think I maintain it for too long. One good piece of advice is to look at their nose, or their mouth. Conversations are such a pain in the ass. I've started just telling people that "just because I'm not looking at you doesn't mean I'm not listening" and usually they can accept that.

Unfortunately, as I know all too well, just being who you are is going to get you weird looks, and there isn't much you can do to stop that. Eye contact just gives them an excuse.

Good luck Charles, it really does suck, but like I said, explain that you listen better without looking at them, and if they're people worth talking to they should be willing to accept that. Maybe continue to make occasional eye contact.

You know, what's interesting to me is I'm sure no parent ever said "Now, little Johnny, make sure you don't look down because that means you're not interested." They just know it instinctively, but I certainly don't. I look down because my brain needs a break from the eye contact, that's all.

I did the same thing. I spent over a decade desensitising myself so that looking people in the eye is now comfortable for me. So now I stare. So now I try to remember to dart my gaze to mouth or forehead every five seconds or so, and of course I keep forgetting. It would be nice if the autonomic system would just pick it up for me the way it seems to for more neurotypical people, but noooooo........

Its a good thing I am easily distracted in social arenas....therefore no odd staring.

When I was a kid my mom would always point out that I didnt look at someone when they were speaking to me. Her little lesson to me on eye contact was....figure out their eye color. So its more like....oh they have pretty blue eyes....what did they say again? LOL. I have gotten better over the years, but I have found that I "think" better when I am not looking at someone. I find faces to be kind of distracting and lots of times it makes me stumble on my words anyways.

I don't remember my parents ever instructing me on eye contact, they were focused on my mumbling.

I've overcome most of my social difficulties, but eye contact continues to elude me. I can do it when there's a decent distance between another person and I, but when they're right up close, I find myself looking at their shirt. It just feels too unnatural to look at their eyes, and I've pretty much resigned myself to being stuck with that particular social faux pas.

I have gotten better with eye contact. I will enjoy looking at their faces or their clothes or their glasses or how fat or thin they are. But sometimes I still have troubles looking at them when I am very nervous or shy.

I figured out that you're supposed to do it, but not too long, and with a dozen other caveats in my 20's or so. I never seem to get it exactly right, though (always seems either too much or too little). It's also hard as I can't think when I'm doing it.

OTOH, I feel increasingly curmudgeonly about the expectation to do it (since to me it feels invasive; like those checks are the airport where a stranger feels around inside your underwear) -- where the other person's comfort is the only comfort than matters. Of course, I'm on disability benefits, so I am in the lucky position of being able to even consider that.

I find that eye contact is more uncomfortable for me while I'm talking and the other person is listening than the other way around. It's all uncomfortable though.

I'd rather err on the side of too little eye contact. I'll look in the person's general direction. I may look at the eyes for a second or two. But anything longer than that feels like staring to me. I'd rather have someone think I'm not interested (which I can disprove by talking to them) than have someone think I'm insulting their intelligence or even challenging them to a fight!

In fact, "eye contact" seems like a misnomer to me. If I'm looking in the person's general direction, that's enough to communicate interest. This, I think, is the biggest problem Aspies have with "eye contact": they take it literally, look straight in the eyes, never look away, and as a result they're staring. Then they go right back to no eye contact at all since the literal eye contact worked out worse.

As for other people, I don't even notice if they're looking me in the eyes or not! EVER. All I notice is if they're looking within about 30 degrees of me.