Is it hard to make social gestures you know you should do?

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I know the polite thing to do on someone's birthday is to wish them "Happy Birthday", and I usually do it in person, but I don't like to, and on Facebook and stuff like that I just don't. I used to post interesting birthday cake pictures in one group for people's birthdays, but it was kind of what I was there for anyhow, because I'd post pics of other interesting stuff, too. Once in a very great while I really want to say "Happy Birthday" when I'm supposed to, but I think it has more to do with my mood that day than with how much I like the person. Mostly I resent it.

But I never resented singing "Happy Birthday" for someone in choir, because we're there to sing anyhow, I guess. And I don't resent it if I'm at the person's birthday party. But having to do it at work or just because I run across the person that day, I resent and internally resist. Even though technically the choir thing is "just ran across" them. I suppose it's because it's no more effort to sing that song than another, and I knew I was going to have to sing. You wouldn't think it'd feel like an effort to type "Happy Birthday", either, considering the length of my posts, but sometimes it feels like one. Maybe because I have to stop there?

I don't care if people don't wish me happy birthday on my birthday, either. Once in a while someone wishing me happy birthday or getting me a gift feels meaningful, and that pleases me and makes me happy, but mostly it seems like a meaningless social exercise and I don't feel anything about it.

I still have to fight to not tell people how I am when they ask, "How are you?", because it bugs me that they'll ask a question and expect me NOT to answer, so maybe I'm just really touchy about that sort of thing.

Well don't do what I did...on my friend's 16th birthday I yelled, "YOU'RE LEGAL!"
All the little kids stared...
But I understand what you mean, if I see a friend in the morning I come to school, I'll normally say "Hi!" and give them a rigid little wave that I've trained myself to do.I don't say "How are you?" or "How was your weekend?" This formal way of greeting doesn't come naturally to me, I'll just go straight into my latest obsession.

I don't say happy birthday. I don't sing and no one will ever get me to sing happy birthday regardless of the consequences. I don't say hi unless someone says it to me first. I do say bye at times. Saying things like please and thank you is awkward for me so I don't do them much. I don't ever ask how people are and don't like when people ask me. I don't care and they don't either.

Yes, very akward. Used to never say hello or goodbye as I thought it patently obvious that a person had entered or left the room., and pointlessly redundant to draw undue attention to such trivialities I am slowly getting better at it, however.

I still have much trouble when I ask someone "how are you doing today?" and they answer the wrong question by saying something like "not much." Ouch.

However, I do have great proficiency in making antisocial gestures, such as crafting "the bird" with a single upraised finger or making the bras d'honneur. Am also rather skilled at making devil horns and raising demons (both arms out at elbow, palms up, fingers in claw shape, then tense shaking of limbs while raising hands up to face or higher. may be performed with one hand or two) at metal shows.

link to List of Gestures here

I never say hello first, unless I know the person well. I hate "how are you?" because it seems so pointless. All people ever do is say "good" or "fine", and if I wanted to tell the truth about how I was doing, people don't want to listen anyways. I hate having to smile at people, too. If it doesn't come naturally it's really awkward and looks more like I've got a knife in my back. xD

I don't say "How are you?" unless I genuinely want to know how they are.

I don't say "How's the weather?" unless I really want to know what their weather is like

I don't go around saying hi to people unless they say hi to me

I don't go around saying good morning or good night

I do wish people a happy birthday but it doesn't come natural to me and that is on Facebook, in real life I don't say a word unless they say it's their birthday

I do have to push myself to say bye when I leave and when I leave a conversation, I have to push myself to say I am going back to work or whatever I have to do. I just feel it's rude to leave when someone is talking and I need to let them know I am leaving so they don't talk to the air

I like the wave option. Physical gestures are much easier for me than speaking, and in our neighborhood people are offended if you don't do something when you see them, so I usually wave.



My mom drilled me hard on that but I never did get "please" down. For a while I'd remember I should have said "please" so then I remember to say "thank you," but I'm actually way better at that when it comes to things like thanking the check out clerk than about things I'm honestly thankful for. And it does feel awkward sometimes but the only time I ever offend anyone doing it is when I forget one or the other with someone who's a real manners fiend, so I try to do it.



I'm dreadful at the "hello" and "goodbye" thing, not at saying them so much but at knowing when to start or stop a conversation. My parents have this humor book that talks about the "Minnesota goodbye," where you say "goodbye" about ten times before you actually separate, and it totally pegs some members of my family, so I guess I come by that honestly.



I always think my forced smile must look like a horrible grimace but people smile back so maybe it's not as awful as I think, or maybe they don't care that it's awful-looking because that fact that I'm trying to be polite makes it okay, I dunno. It's a lot harder to smile than to wave; I wonder why that is?



I hadn't realized, but we just about never say that at home, either. On very rare occasions eldest daughter will, but it's sarcastic, a super chipper "good morning" meaning "well, you look like death." I say it when I am at my parent's house because they expect it, but if it were a sincere belief I think I'd be saying it to my kids and husband way more often than to my parents.

Why is it that "good manners" mean you're supposed to lie? Must've asked my mom that a thousand times when I was a kid...

Yeah, I don't make any of those conversation starters either (Hello, How's the weather etc.). I don't introduce myself in cases where you are meant to. I just wait for other people to. But I have no problem with wishing people a happy birthday.

When it comes to birthday CARDS however, I can't ever give the lovey-sensitive ones to people, even my own parents. I always do funny cards.

i have some difficulty with these things too. i don't really like celebrations and "special days" too much, either for myself or other people, so i have to really force myself to follow through with pleasantries. i really detest saying goodbye so i often just duck out quietly, and i will often forget to say hello.

for a while i got better at saying, "hello. how are you?" but i was getting on people's nerves because i said it EVERY time i saw them, even if i passed by their desk ten times in a day. it took me a while to realise i was annoying them. eventually a couple of them answered back, "STILL fine!" and i finally got the hint.

at work on Hallowe'en, i got distracted and irritated by people being so excitable and loud (there was no party, it's just that people get weirdly hyper around holidays), so i retreated into my shell and i didn't realise until the end of the day that i didn't talk to anyone all day and didn't notice their costumes or anything! so i made a last-minute effort with one person. oops.

I detest social ritual. It feels completely pointless to me, although I realise objectively that it does have a function.

I'm exactly the same about cards! Although I know my mum would love that kind of birthday card, I can never make myself do it.

I don't have a problem with hello/please/thank you, but I always do the goodbye part really awkwardly. I either blurt it out and walk off too abruptly or drag it out oddly because I'm not sure how to leave politely. I also forget to introduce myself, and actively avoid introducing anyone else because I'm so bad at names.

Me too.

The one that really makes me cringe is the hug with or without the cheek kiss. Even people I just met an hour ago want to hug me when they leave. I hate it. Even when I see people doing it on TV it's embarrassing, a sort of awkward misplaced kiss whilst saying silly clichés like "how are you" or "it was lovely to meet you" (which must mean, since I don't usually speak more than a few words: You're a miserable so-and-so). When I detect that people are about to leave I usually find some important job to do in the garden and leave my wife to perform the ritual and make excuses for me.

Meh NTs find it easier if you adjust to their social rituals. It's sometimes easier just to do it.

I think it's kind of pointless to say "Happy Birthday", but I try to sometimes because I know that it makes people feel valued. They just like feeling important for a brief period of time.

However, I will absolutely not attempt small talk. I hate it. It's awkward, and there are so many stupid unwritten rules about how it works. It's just a waste of time and very repetitive. But, I know people do it because it makes them feel important when other people talk to them. It's like a mini achievement.

"Oh yay! I'm interesting/important enough that another human being would want to engage in a casual conversation with me, for the sake of having a casual conversation with me. How wonderful that someone would think that meaningless activities with me are, in fact, worthy of their energy!"

I do say please and thank you very frequently, because I want others to understand that I am in fact quite grateful for whatever contributions or help they have given.

It depends upon my mood and if I know the person. I avoid talking to strangers, but if I see a person I know I say "Hi," How are you?" things like that, even if I don't really care for their answer. It seems to make them happy. But it annoys me when somebody asks me how I'm doing. Usually I just say "Fine. You?" And I detest singing "Happy Birthday."

The ritual of saying "bless you" after someone sneezes is something I have an extremely hard time making myself do; I've been accused of being rude before for not saying it. I also don't like when people say it to me after I sneeze and thus being expected to thank them for saying it.