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abc123
Toucan
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04 Nov 2011, 11:43 pm

I have ended up accidentally accepting a date, I think, and now asking my husband to answer my phone when he calls. I wasn't sure if he was genuinely friendly or flirty until I went to tell my husband an actor had asked me for coffee to help me with interviews and realised actually that was really bad and now feel really guilty. My husband thinks it is more likely he is interested rather than genuinely trying to help with confidence/coming across well at interviews. I was with a single friend and with hindsight I think he was interested in me but wasn't sure and I tend to be honest and trusting and be nice to people when they are nice to me. It wouldn't occur to me that giving out my number was bad-until maybe a few hours later when I have had time to process. I was enjoying being social and drinking with people and them supporting me in interviews that I find difficult. There was also a lot of wine, particularly on their side. Well in fact about a bottle and a half on their side. I also wonder if my friend can read these situations as she can be quite bad with men and ended up sleeping with the person she lives with which was not a good idea. Now I feel really bad for messing up and it is weighing on my conscience even though it was a genuine mistake. :(



disintgr
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05 Nov 2011, 5:54 am

I seem to end up in awkward situations by accident quite often. I have accidentally accepted a date before as well. And what is worse, gone on it. The guy who was a distant friend at the time asked if I wanted to go for a drink. I stupidly agreed, thinking it was just that, a drink, not a date. He had not mentioned the word date after all. As the evening progressed he started getting all flirty and paying for every drink, and in the end asking if I wanted to stay over at his place. I said no, and explained I did not want anything more than friendship. He got very angry, shouting at me that he had paid for every drink and made such an effort etc. I walked off, took the bus home, and we did not speak again. This happened about 5 years ago. Since then I have been very wary of the term 'go for a drink', but also learnt from my mistake of saying yes. I am really bad at understanding other peoples intentions, and quite naive when it comes to them. Deep down I seem to think everyone has good intentions, even if I in another way know they do not. Confusing. I have had numerous socially awkward situations since this 'date'. Most of which again involve misunderstanding the intentions of other people. Some have been really bad and upsetting both for me and others.

In your situation I think it is a good idea letting your husband answer the phone. That should hopefully warn off the guy who asked you out. Does he know you are married?



abc123
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05 Nov 2011, 8:59 am

I've no idea if he does or not, I didn't specifically mention it, but didn't feel the need to, and I wear a wedding ring.
Hopefully it will warn him off.



Detenebrator
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05 Nov 2011, 12:52 pm

I thought accidently getting into awkward situations was part of the definition of being on the autism spectrum? The good Lord knows that I've done it often enough. I've also missed out on what could have been a very good time because I was clueless, but that's another story.

Having your husband answer the phone is a good start. If anything goes forward from there, I would suggest you make it very clear what you expect if you meet, and since he has offered to help you, you should pay for the coffee. No guarantees this fellow will follow up under those conditions, but maybe he's an honest man.



BuyerBeware
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05 Nov 2011, 2:30 pm

All the time. A couple months ago I was sitting outside a bar in the early evening (it's a diner in the daytime-- oops!) in a moderately seedy part of town. DH had a late afternoon meeting and I was waiting on him to pick me up.

Older guy rolls up and starts talking to me. I'm friendly-- one is supposed to be friendly, and I like being friendly. He gets out of his truck and sits down next to me. Starts asking questions about what I'm doing there and what I do every day. I give vague answers because I have learned that people who want to know where you walk, when you walk, and if you walk alone probably aren't asking because they are interested in walking with you.

Finally after the 37th mention that I'm waiting on my HUSBAND, he comes right out and asks if I fool around on the side.

I smile and laugh and say, "Sorry, no."

He gets up and walks away.

I mention it to DH, saying I wish all pick-up artists would be that obvious because it would sure save me a lot of trouble and guesswork.

DH says-- get this-- the guy probably thought I was a prostitute.

OOPS! What in the HELL body language was I unintentionally sending?!?! :oops: :lol: :roll:

Don't feel bad about it. It is a perfectly honest mistake. If you talk to him again, explain the situation-- that it just never occurred to you to think of it as anything other than a friendly invite and that's all it's going to be.

Might in the future continually drop references to your spouse in conversation with unknown members of the opposite sex. I do this or just say right out-- "I'm female, I'm friendly, I'm faithful. Any relationship between us is going to be entirely platonic. If you're not OK with that, don't waste your time."

Puts people off, but it does cut down on misunderstandings.

Then there's the creep I used to live across the street from. HE took it as a challenge. F***tard.


_________________
"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"


abc123
Toucan
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07 Nov 2011, 2:19 pm

BuyerBeware wrote:
DH says-- get this-- the guy probably thought I was a prostitute.

OOPS! What in the HELL body language was I unintentionally sending?!?! :oops: :lol: :roll:


:lol: 8O That wouldn't have occurred to me until you said the above.

I am still fairly confused about the friend/date situation. He sent one or two texts as I missed his calls and I replied after showing the message to my husband saying that my plans had changed, I was busy and meeting my husband. He replied and said that I had his number and to get back to him as and when I needed to.
My husband still insists it could be like a pseudo date that is not a date but my friend did specifically ask this guy if he would help me and he agreed.
:?: :!: :roll: