Hugh problem with men

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I don't know how to approach my problem with men in general.

I am afraid of them. And I didn't even know it myself until I reached my very lowest in my mental health.
I guess I have daddy issues. When I was little I were very close to my dad. Then I hit puberty and my mom went all crazy about me showering with my father. And going through the mens chaningroom in a swimming house, etc. I never understood why I had to seperate from my father back then. And my mothers panicing made me feel like somehow I needed to be afraid of grown men. I got afraid of men because of that.
Then it all went pretty well and I never knew anything of my hidden fear of men. Until I got a hugh depression and all. Got SSRI medication and now I don't know at all how to act around the other gender. I feel like I am a pupertal teenager again. And I really hate that. I feel like screaming every time a man approches me in a hostal or for me wierd way. I know that my reaction usually are overexagurated and inappropirate. So I surpress my fear. But at the same time I totally lack of the scence of other peoples intentions.

Do anyone have an idea or a thought about what I could do to just move on...?

It seems to me that this is quite a complex issue, best dealt with by a medical health professional. You'd need that sort of help, I believe, to overwrite such conditioning as you have suffered. But, if I may offer one suggestion, find a guy who you know wont hurt you, maybe quite a mild mannered guy, tell him about your problems and slowly work up a friendship/ relationship with him on your terms. Over a period of time being exposed to this hypothetical nice chap, you outgrow the worst of your feelings.

I''ve thought about just that a lot of times. I don't want to be a pessimist but I have never met a guy who would do all of that and have that patience just for my benifit. I do not have any male friends and I avoid men in general. I have been dating in the past but it all have been poor experiences. Once I almost got myself raped just because I can't say no.

Although often not as serious, or with the same causes as your problems, a lot of men here have the same sort of problems and history of bad experiences with women. Logic dictates that there must be some suitable men for you and some suitable women for the likes of me. I guess we just can't give up based on that. I'm really sorry to hear about your experiences, but I'm confident there is hope for you, even if I know how soul crushing and hopeless it can feel.

It hurts even more because in heart I truely believe in romance. Devour novels, chick flicks and so on.
I guess that my biggest problem is that I don't have anyone except myself to discuss hard and emotional topics with. Forever alone perhaps. I would like to be close to my father again but that's just impossible. We have never been close in my family and even if I don't want to I sometimes am afraid of my own father. I thirst for human contact but at the same time I can't handle it at all. *sigh*

Yeah, I feel a similar way, I'm a romantic, or at least would like to be, poetry, romantic gestures, nice dinners, showering women with gifts, all that jazz. But yes, forever alone and all that, you'll find that is a recurring theme here . Personally I discuss those sorts of topics with people over the internet, it is easier that way, although I do want some proper human contact, just not very good at it. I'm afraid I cant relate to your father issues, as although I don't feel much for my parents, they were always alright to me.

I guess you're right. I just have to cope and accept my lonelyness.

You by no means have to *accept* your lonlieness, I think you should see a therapist and talk with friends a lot about it, get it straight in your head and I think you can be stronger and cope better than you think you can. If you want to talk to me over personal message or Facebook, you're free to, as I somewhat understand these sorts of feelings and I'd want to help anyone with them in any way I can.

I have been seeing a really good psycologist. But she said that we had come to the point where she no longer could help me. I guess she meant that the rest was up to me to sort out. And she has sent an application in my name to a place where people like me gets help. It's just that the waiting list goes on forever... And I am not a patient woman.

Ah, I wish you the best of luck with that then! let me know if you wanna talk about anything else.

Your mom was right for getting mad about this.

Society seems to have a deep-seated problem with female sexuality, and also with incest and child sexuality. The latter two it will not touch with a ten-foot pole, which I've never really understood. I'm certainly not saying there was necessarily any sexual attraction on either end between you and your father, but it was definitely the fear of said feelings that prompted the blow-up on your mother's part.

Now, we can't overthrow society, but as adults (when we can make our own choices for ourselves and other (consenting) adults, we can try and create a place for ourselves that solves those problems pushed on us by adults when we were children. It's hard, though, if people of the opposite sex (or the same sex, if we are attracted to them) expect us to have a certain level of emotional development/maturity/level of ease in order to find us worth dealing with.

I would try and find nice, possibly shy, men who will seem more cute and less likely to trigger your fear.

my mother was also paranoid about my father - like your mother was, OP. it was because she was sexually abused by her own dad, so she was overcautious based on her own life experiences. i don't blame her for that.

she need not have worried as my dad really didn't even hug me. just a once-in-a-blue-moon tickle fight or such when i was little. i had different problems than you - i acted out in a sexual way with men as soon as i was of a legal age to do so. i was trying to fill a void where male attention was lacking. i also didn't say no very well, and suffered the logical consequences, though not to an extreme degree.

i don't know the cure for the situation as i didn't have the same problem exactly, though i with my issues i got massively better with a lot of therapy. it took several therapists and a lot of time.

I'll second the don't accept anything you don't want to. Trust me, there are guys out there that look for women who need some sort of help, just in the same way that you avoid guys. I've got a good bit of that streak, all be in that it usually shows up in an unhealthy way, but there is enough of it for me to say that I'm pretty confident there is a guy out there that would be willing to go through the process you need. So don't lose hope and best of luck to you.

My relationchip with my father back then were innocent. We just were close in a silent way. Hanging out in the right way imo. Doing stuff without unnessasary talking. I loved that. I guess I hated to grow up. And a part of me still does.
If I could I would still play horse in the garden and jump kneehigh fences. It's just that it is not socialy accepted to do that in my age.

My problem with men feels overwhelming and impossible to overcome. But it is not just men. I lack in every social skill possible.

I sometimes wish I never went through puberty at all. I blame puberty for all my problems. That's unfair because that is like blaming the sky for raining.

I also went through a period were I made myself become a sexual object to all men interested. I did everything to get the attention I so desperetly wanted at that time. But it just got to be a visious circle. I got attention but the wrong type of attention. To this day I desperetly want to be acknowledged. I guess I just want to bee seen. I am always invisible.

I just wanted to point out that Hugh is a man's name, what you are trying to spell is spelled "H U G E". Huge.