Yeah , Im on that junk , well , I used to but I stopped taking it because it makes me feal depressed ( I still have a bottle of that s**t somewhere), like I m melting in misery and cry for no reson , like during a kids movie or something . My shrink perscribed 2 a night to help me go to bed and such but it made me sleep in the next day, I felt like I was hungover when I woke up .People have allways called me either a psycho or a tard , either directly or "politlely " ,you know in the way that "grownups" like teachers can ,indirectly and politically correct , I (basically ) got expelled from 2 schools ( well ,lets just say I was made to know that I wasnt welcome there anymore ) and went through some "counciling " (which was actually okay) . I had (and have ) these strange impulses to do and say .....stupid and spontanious things , you know , like the way that random punk kids or class clowns do .I had few friends and the few people I hung out with were worse than me ( Im not really THAT much of a punk myself , but Ive always attracted wierdos and REAL rogueish types ) and I felt terrible . I couldnt even GET ALONG with ANY clique at school , nor most of the teachers or staff .Everyone hated me and I learned to hate everyone . I did things subconciously to repell people ,never had a girlfriend ( I was scared of girls but was still sexually interested in them , you know like nerds are ,lol) and I got terrible grades (Especially in math were I messed up because I answered the questions right but didnt show the steps I took to get to them ) . I felt ret*d or psychotic like those kids who end up shooting up the school . My parents and some psychologists insisted that I was fine , alot of kids go through this stuff ,yada yada yada.....No , I WASNT fine ! Normal kids dont advoid people or not do their homework due to a deep depression and fealing of worthlessness . Sitting around for hours doing NOTHING ,not playing video games nothing ( I only had 1 game , Pokemon, thats all my parents would allow) , not watching tv nothing , not smoking pot in a basement with friends nothing , but LITERALLY NOTHING , just listening to rock music on the radio ,staring in to space daydreaming ( about negitivity and depression) . IS THIS AUTISM? Is this aspergers syndrom ? I wanted it to stop , I wanted to lose my "will" and become a zombie , to be initiated into "normal people world " as just another robot with normal emotions ,normal intelligence , a normal girlfriend , normal grades and normal friends .I met one of my "friends" from my middle school (as much as a crazy , irrational lunatic who does things for the sake of "because it was fun" ) on the bus one day ,and ,Oh god , he "found God " ( in that creepy southern baptist-y way ,mind you , lol)and got on riddline . He was calm , rational (too rational , in the way that Vulcans are ) ,emotionless , and mindless. In otherwords ,he was a boring zombie , but ,Hey ,he got things done .Is this what drugged up "crazy people "are like ,Radiofixr? Is that the way that I looked on Risperdal ? Funny , I got my wish for a while on Risperdal ,but it seems that anti depressant drugs (or other ant psychotic drugs for that matter) back fire on aspies and many depressed people . Are the kids who commit suicide on anti psychotics aspies ? Its ironic ,really ,that anti psychotics have the reverse effect alot of the times . I wouldnt be well off if I were on meds like that for years , It would ruin me . I guess the best thing to do is just to deal with my "chemical inbalance " because ,as a psychology prof . once said , " herbal drugs are much less harmful than manufactured drugs " and that she didnt believe in meds ,you had to will your self to overcome your problems .She didnt EXACTLY say "smoke weed instead of meds " but if she were a psychiatrist ( she didnt believe in "pharma" drugs meaning artifical) she would prescibe it ( maybe ,maybe not ).