Internet Social Anxiety

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I am afraid to socialize with people on the internet. I notice the same exact problems as I do in real life. I don't know what to say and I am afraid of embarrassing myself.
I can never communicate properly. I am missing out on so many great websites because they involve social interaction. I really want to send someone a friend request or follow someone but i fear rejection or judgment.
When I talk to someone on line or in real life I talk about one subject and then quickly jump to another. Other times i obsessively stay on one subject.
Even this forum scares me very badly. I always think I will say something to make people hate me. I know a lot of it is probably paranoia

Well, you seem to be doing just fine here. I don't know how you feel, and I guess it is problematic for you to socialize even online, but you're doing fine on this site. I'd never guess you were scared of socializing and your comments are eloquent and insightful. I'm not patronizing you here, I do think so. I remember your posts because I like your avatar so I always notice them.

I say things here and some people tend not to like me very much for one reason or another (see the text under my username!).

The best way is simply not to care what other people think of you, especially online. Mainly you should do this because they're not you and they don't have your outlook on life. Out in meatspace it is somewhat different (and sometimes you do have to care what people think of you if only for your own safety) but the basic rule still generally applies.

That makes sense.

I'm very cautious about what I write. I've actually been kicked out of a support group because I said the wrong thing. It was truthful but I put it wrongly. It was a low point in my life - when I needed support the most. I don't want to build up false support to be thrown away again when I "get out of line."

I lurked on this forum for a long time saying little until recently. Now I post about 5 posts where I'm a complete ass for every 1 I post that may or may not be actually useful, and I haven't been asked to leave yet So don't worry about it.

I'm new to WP and I can relate. This is the only forum I've ever subscribed to, because I usually assume my opinion isn't going to be very helpful. And I find a lot of other forums are just filled with ranting, trolling, and irrelevant banter. I'm definitely still cautious about my posts, in fear of offending someone or sounding ridiculous, but so far I haven't had any responses that have made me feel that way.

I could totally understand. Sometimes I'm a little scared to say things because of the possibility of lots of scrutiny. I sometimes interpret that as anger, and I freeze up when people are angry at me. I think I do better in situations when I'm typing to someone rather than speaking to them. It gives me the chance to really think about what I'm going to say, and I don't have to worry about others interrupting me while I'm trying to say it. I don't really like chatting online very much, although sometimes it's nice. I sometimes don't know how to end a conversation, if I offended someone on the other line, etc. I think everyone gets at least a little anxious when communicating to others on forums. Much of the stuff we post online can be really personal, and we don't know everyone on here. Not knowing a lot of people on WP can also be a good thing in terms of being able to say what you really want to say in a relatively anonymous fashion. The cool thing about WP (and everywhere else) is that we're all a little bit quirky, and we all get a little embarrassed/anxious when talking to people. What you're doing right now is great practice, and you seem to be overcoming your fear by posting your feelings and talking about them

artrat, perhaps a progressive exposure technique would help you shamelessly assert your personality via internet?

I'd suggest going to a forum you have no personal investment in. Say for example, a sports forum, a survivalist/guns forum, the Tea Party's forum, or whatever most disgusts you personally. Then become a troll for a week. Be a jerk. Be annoying. Start one sided arguments. You will perhaps glean what it feels like to be inconsiderate of people's online feelings. Becoming slightly jaded to that consideration may help you overcome your insecurities in an environ you actually care about.

Please note, while this notion may be humorous, I'm not entirely certain I could do that myself. :p

I get anxiety with a lot of things even making phone calls which is hard for a lot of people to understand. People usually say to me well it's not like you see the person on the phone and they can't see you. Some people just don't get it, but anyways with time I have improved enough where I feel ok talking on this forum but been really thinking before I post, since I never fit in anywhere else. I think just try to be yourself and be open to other peoples opinions. But in person or on the phone I'm still a nervous wreck who always assumes that everyone hates me. I often feel like some sort of big black cloud when walking into a place with people I don't know.

I can sort of relate. I'm always afraid to speak to people on Facebook, unless I know them well and actually see them. Those who I used to know but don't any more, or those who I don't really know at all, I feel embarrassed or unconfident to send a message to or to add as a friend. I see some of my old schoolfriends on Facebook (but they're not added as friends), and I'm always afraid to send them a friend request in case they might take the piss or something. Really, 99 percent of the other kids who I knew at school didn't want nothing to do with me then, so why should I take my time and effort to remind them of my existence now? I'm just going to let them forget about me.

I was picked on constantly in school. I went to a small school and there were only a handfull of people who were picked on, and I was one of them. I got it every day, from almost everybody. I went to my ten year reunion, for some reason. I don't know why. Maybe I wanted to show off my baby and my husband. Show them that I was able to get somewhere in life too. I went in expecting things to be the same, but they were totally different.

After enough time had passed, it seems like an entire class forgets how things actually were, and become like some sort of survivors of a natural disaster or something that bonds them together. There was a lot of reminiscing and talking about the "good old days" and all the fun that they had, and some of the things I went to as well, but I didn't have any fun, I was too worried about doing something wrong or running into one of the mean kids. They didn't remember me like that at all. They remembered me as shy and quiet. Several remembered that they were mean to me and mentioned it but it was always in the context of "Boy, was I an a**hole back then! Sorry about that!" and blew it off. I was totally accepted at the reunion in ways I wasn't in school. I've heard other people say the same things. How the people who were so mean to them then act like they are best friends now because they went to school together.

I've been on my school's reunion website and posted and talked on the phone and emailed with some of the other kids - kids, hah! we are in our late 40's now - and people just forget. I say, add them if you want to. They probably aren't like they used to be, and to them the school days have turned into some fond, nostalgic home movie. I remember, you remember, most of us who were picked on remember, but the others really don't. If you want to talk to them, send a friend request.

Frances

I'll second that. I also understand you somewhat, although I'm NT I have social anxiety. I hate parties and stuff like that, so I guess Facebook must be one gigantic online party! Personally, I've never been anywhere near Facebok.

It's easy for people to say you shouldn't care what others think. But you very clearly do care, because that is how you are and how you are is fine.

You want contact, and that involves a degree of risk. Risk of saying the wrong thing, or of making a fool of yourself. But the potential rewards are also there and all you can do is try and see how you get on. I think you will do just fine.

Well I suppose it is acceptable to add as many people as you can to your Facebook thing, otherwise why would everyone on Facebook have like 600 friends? Surely everyone can't be friends with 600 people. I have a friend who has Autism, and even he has 800 people on his Facebook thing, whereas I only have about 18, because I only pick people who I trust. So, like you said, I might just send out friend requests to people whom I've met in my life, and, like my mum says, it's best to widen your circle of friends as much as you can.

I can really relate to OP. I have a hard time distinguishing between real life and internet sphere and I feel a whole lot of similar anxiety. But if it was only that I would be OK - I learned how to rationalize these feelings and seeing how sh***y can people behave under the anonimity of their alias tells me it's not personal and it's not real. Anyhow the actual problem is that I am so damn paranoid.

I'm afraid of accidental offending someone or someone offending me. I am very sensitive and have been bullied in life and on the INTERNET before.
I have very strong opinions that often offend people. I can't even go into the religion and political forums without half the people being angry with me.
If I would not think so much and just type what I felt the first time it would be better. I hit the backspace key several times and never say what I really feel.
I wish I could just be myself.
I understand that socializing with other people on line is good practice for life. My social skills have gotten worse the past 10 years since I have been away from school.