NT assumptions of my intent

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09 Dec 2011, 3:31 am

Suck. They seem to think that everyone thinks like them, so they assume when you mention something or word something in a particular way, your intent must be this (Which is usually more negative than what is intended) when it's actually that. This is SO annoying, you just can't believe. Does anyone else have this problem?

Mego
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09 Dec 2011, 3:56 am

I have a hard time wording things. I guess in some ways I think very "concrete" like. Its like I cant seem to turn it the right away so people (in general) can understand.

Example:
Friend: "When a girl laughs at a guys joke it means that she likes him"
Me: "I just think he is funny" to my friends' bf

Later....she hated me because she thought I was going after her guy

Another example...
I had to write a positive and a negative about a person when I was in this leadership program...
I couldn't think of a negative so I put ....."you are bossy"....and the girl ended up hating me even though in reality i couldn't think of any criticisms.

I called this guys picture on facebook...."weird"....and he told me i should be nicer....even though later i realized i should have said "weird....but in a good way " so he would "know" my intentions were pure. Another thing I did was "Another car pic? lol" and he thought i once again was being an ass even though i liked it.

Its super frustrating....
In some ways....i am very "vague" when it comes to social interaction.

Verdandi
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09 Dec 2011, 4:10 am

I actually talked to my therapist about this today (only 2 or 3 appointments left this month and then 2-3 months with no therapy), and she said people often translate things into something that fits their assumptions. Plus them not being able to read my body language or tone of voice meaning they miss a lot of nuances and it leads them to the easy and often intellectually lazy interpretation of what I am saying:

"Oh, look, Verdandi said something that was obviously wrong. She likes to deadpan sarcasm, so could this be sarcasm? Oh no, she must really believe that. I'd better correct her."

Or I guess I could say in response to the OP,

"All the time."

Mego
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09 Dec 2011, 4:39 am

Verdandi wrote:

It takes a higher level of intelligence to understand dry humor. Its more listening to the persons words and not their body/face. A lot of it is also a "play on words" :wink:

Sarcasm to me is when someone answers a question like...."why wasnt i invited?" with "because i am married" ....i don't even know what that means...it doesn't even sound humorous at all....I dont care if the person was smiling or serious...it still would be "sarcasm"

Keeno
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09 Dec 2011, 5:21 am

I struggle even with Aspie interpretations of my intent.

Who_Am_I
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09 Dec 2011, 6:55 am

Sometimes. I'd probably have the problem more if I talked more.

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Mummy_of_Peanut
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09 Dec 2011, 7:04 am

Yes, I get this a lot. Funnily, it always seems to be money or possession related with me. I don't get jealous of people at all and I just don't get the majority of people who live their lives by who has what and how they need that too. But, they assume everyone is like that, when I really don't care what anyone has in the least. They have this in their minds when I'm talking and my response somehow has to fit in with these assumptions about the whole human race. In order for what I've said to fit, they will assume I'm being boastful or complaining about my lot or dismissive or something else completely alien to my thought process.

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Verdandi
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09 Dec 2011, 7:52 am

Mego wrote:

It takes a higher level of intelligence to understand dry humor. Its more listening to the persons words and not their body/face. A lot of it is also a "play on words" :wink:

Heh, good point. There was a time my nieces thought I hated them because of this. I had no idea people didn't get my humor until I was told.

Quote:

I might mislabel things as sarcasm that really are not, this is true.

Ganondox
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09 Dec 2011, 3:53 pm

Verdandi wrote:

My sense of sarcasm is based entirely on logic, not tone, so yeah, I've been misinterpretted several times even though I can usually pickup on their sarcasm. Come on, do they really think I would believe something so stupid?

People also frequently misinterpret my motives as being more selfish than they actually are.

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Asp-Z
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09 Dec 2011, 4:50 pm

I get this a lot, which I guess is why NTs misunderstand what I'm trying to tell them as well.

MrXxx
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09 Dec 2011, 5:27 pm

Yeah, but no more often than it happens here on WP. I think we have just as much trouble reading each other as NT's do reading us, if not more.

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bumble
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09 Dec 2011, 5:28 pm

Yes, all the time! It is incredibly frustrating.

btbnnyr
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09 Dec 2011, 5:33 pm

MrXxx wrote:

Yeah, but no more often than it happens here on WP. I think we have just as much trouble reading each other as NT's do reading us, if not more.

Not in my experience. On WP, in my natural "what they said is what they meant" and my "what I say is what I mean" mode, I have not had much misunderstanding with other posters. I have never visited PPR, however.

In the real world, I am constantly being assigned bizarro intentions that I don't have, and clear communication is nearly impossible.

bumble
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09 Dec 2011, 5:38 pm

Mego wrote:

" so he would "know" my intentions were pure. Another thing I did was "Another car pic? lol" and he thought i once again was being an ass even though i liked it.

Its super frustrating....
In some ways....i am very "vague" when it comes to social interaction.

People can be over sensitive. I have heard worse insults than 'you are bossy' and 'another car pic'. The lol on the end (to me) actually signals that it is light hearted comment and so would not have read that as an insult at all.

'Weird' can be read multiple ways...but to me sometimes weird can be good so in that instance, I would have probably asked for clarification.

People can be so strangely tetchy!

Verdandi
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09 Dec 2011, 8:17 pm

btbnnyr wrote:

MrXxx wrote:

Yeah, but no more often than it happens here on WP. I think we have just as much trouble reading each other as NT's do reading us, if not more.

^^^^^ So much agreed with this. It's what WP is like for me. There are misunderstandings but not the same number or degree.

swbluto
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09 Dec 2011, 8:45 pm

Verdandi wrote:

btbnnyr wrote:

MrXxx wrote:

Yeah, but no more often than it happens here on WP. I think we have just as much trouble reading each other as NT's do reading us, if not more.

^^^^^ So much agreed with this. It's what WP is like for me. There are misunderstandings but not the same number or degree.

I like how people on Wrong Planet tend to assume you're communicating in a factual, direct manner WHEN YOU ARE whereas it seems like most NTs almost always assume there's some kind of hidden agenda. I think it's really "two different ways of communicating" more than "People like you (i.e., autistic people) just have bad communication skills" like most NTs seem to believe.

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