Depression/Anxiety or Bipolar?

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Hello, I have a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome and ADHD, which I currently treat with methylphenidate (Ritalin). I've had a few "episodes" since my early 20's that I've been wondering about.

While I was at university, I started having these "episodes" that mainly occurred in the winter around exam time - I felt typical anxiety symptoms (worrying thoughts, nausea, etc) and had some depression symptoms too. But having experienced anxiety/depression before, this felt 10x worse - I felt like I was going insane, couldn't keep still, started crying uncontrollably (I never usually cry), difficulty concentrating, irritable, etc. Sometimes I would lie on the floor and roll around like a crazy person (I wasn't having a seizure). I just felt completley out of my mind!

Once I ended up overdosing on propanolol, just because I felt like I couldn't take it any more, and had to be hospitalised.

On another occasion I wandered off and planned to take a train to a different city and just live on the streets or something (just to get away from the awful feeling). Although, I didn't actually do it - I got a train to a nearby town and just wandered around for a while, not really knowing why I was doing these things. After a few hours I tried to sleep in a hospital but got kicked out. Eventually, my parents came and found me after frantically searching for me. They'd been trying to call me on my phone but I refused to answer as I felt no one could really help me.

These episodes lasted for a few weeks, and usually subsided when the pressure from the exams was gone. However, I had to leave university before completing as I couldn't cope with it any more. At this point I was only on an SSRI (paroxetine/Paxil and later escitalopram/Lexapro).

Recently, I've had several similar episodes, which I believe were brought on by my medication.

On 3x10mg of methylphenidate I was full of anger, paranoia (I felt all my problems were my parents fault and they didn't really love me, etc), depression, racing thoughts and sucidal tendencies - I bought several packets of paracetamol with the intent to OD, but my parents found them and hid them. I felt much better after the dose was reduced to 3x5mg.

On mirtazapine (Remeron), I was jittery, restless, full of rage - I'd blow up over small things, I was driving like a maniac and I went wandering again with the intent of killing myself by either jumping off a bridge or ODing on paracetamol. I had racing thoughts and didn't really know why I was wandering - I just kept walking.

On sertraline (Zoloft), I had this inner restlessness and felt like I was full of too much energy. It was really uncomfortable, so I had to come off it.

I went back on Venlafaxine (Effexor), which I had been on before and found helpful. But after a while I started having this inner restlessness, anxiety, a hot energising feeling flowing through me and some depression/suicidal thoughts. I also noticed my Methylphenidate (MPH) wasn't working anymore, which usually calmed me down at the current dose. At first I thought the MPH was causing problems, but I was still feeling terrible after a few days off of it. I decided to lower the dose to see if it would help, and it did a little, but I'm still having some symptoms (not suicidal).

Do these episodes sound like regular anxiety or a mixed-state (agitated depression) seen in Bipolar? I realise no one here can diagnose me, and I do plan to speak to my Dr about it. But I was hoping if it struck a cord with anyone here that it might make me feel more confident approaching my Dr about it.

I assume the lack of response is partially down to the length of my OP?

I'll try and summarise -

I've had several "episodes" where I've been severely anxious/depressed. I get really agitated, feel like I'm going out of my mind, etc. On several occasions I've went wandering in a daze, and I've attempted suicide. During some episodes I've felt intense rage, irritability, racing thoughts, paranoia, too much energy beneath my skin, my sleep pattern gets messed up, etc.

Some of them were brought on by medication (Anti-Depressants, stimulants), while others occurred when I was stressed out. Theyve lasted days-weeks.

Does this sound like typical depression/anxiety or could it be a bipolar "mixed state".

I think it's also because there's not a lot of us and we're spread thin - have you tried posting this in the AS/Bipolar support and chat thread? The former is a big part of the reason I created the latter.

In response to your question - this does sound a LOT bipolar-eske to me, and in parts very familiar. I would go into more detail but it's late and I'm super tired. Suffice to say you should get off the SSRI's A.S.A.P (I cannot stress this enough) and voice your concerns to your psyc. If the psyc isn't convinced, try another one. I had to go through 3 psychiatrists to finally get there, although to be fair 2 did manage to correctly diagnose me with bipolar type 2 after both initially being highly doubtful this was the case.

I was convinced what I was experiencing earlier this year was a mixed episode too, but it was more of an ultradian episode (ultra ultra rapid cycling). Anxiety, anger, irritability, difficulty concentrating, etc are all depression symptoms unfortunately which would explain why your psychiatrist probably wouldn't consider bipolar. However your response to medication does sound very familiar and bipolar-eske to me so I don't know.

Obviously you've suffered depression. The big question that remains is have you suffered either hypo-mania or mania (discounting what you call "mixed episodes" for now - this is way too unclear because you've still only listed experiencing depressive symptoms even though they are 10 times stronger)? It's highly possible you may have suffered either or without being aware of it.

When you're at uni, do you go through times of higher productivity? Do you ever feel like you are capable of doing/achieving anything? Do you ever experience "euphoria" or sort of periods of elevated mood?

[b]]I have depression, anexity, bioploar and Asperger's syndrome, and intermidate exlpoisive disorder and i get really bad anexity on holidays and so stressful,and exploide easily at home. It is so hard for me to get along with my family , I do take meds but they sometimes help and sometimes dont help. i sometimes can controlmy moods sometimes not. I dont know what to do about my anger and moods at home.

Sounds like anxiety and depression.......I did not see anything that indicates bi-polar, but I am not an expert I just know the mania associated with bi-polar depression usually causes feelings of euphoria so it tends to be more unpleasent for those around you if you have a bi-polar episode then you because for you its a uplifted mood. So if you don't have that symptom it probably would rule out the bi-polar. But as I said I am not a psychologist so I cannot say for sure........and Bi-polar probably varies.

Perhaps you have a psychotic depression OP. It has some similarities as bipolar disorder. I had that before & my general-practitioner thought I was bipolar but the psychs quickly ruled that out. It could be triggered by stress; mine was caused by a break-up. I was having lots of panic attacks worrying bout her & the anxiety becamse so sever that it developed into psychosis

Oh I went through hell one semester at school and I was told it was manic and psychotic depression. I attempted suicide and got admitted in hospital for alcohol poisoning. I lost control over myself, got easily irritated, never bothered to comb my hair and dress up properly. Took a bus and got lost in the city. A friend finally found me and admitted me to psychiatric care. And even through that I had phases when I would feel euphoric for no reason. Had constant mood swings.