Lack of Emotions, Cheating Spouse

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Maybe somebody has dealt with this before. My spouse says she doesn't feel loved from me anymore. As far as romantic, euphoric love she is right. As far as any love she wrong, and knows it. She also doesn't feel that emotional connection anymore. Not surprizing considering I never was really beeen in touch with my emotions, and after a good deal of brain tramua and pysc meds emotions now really gone. Considering my pysc says my depression has lifted for over a year, but still says I have anhedonia. I don't think I am just making up stories about not having emotions. To the point.

I while back I said find your emotional connection through your social circle. Which she has done and gotten off my back about the emotional connection. However she openly admits that her and one of the guys in her social circle have hit it off and are intimate now. She asked if this hurt me or anything like that. I told her flat out, no. She still can't understand how this doesn't bother me, and I keep pointing back to the fact if there is no emotions they can't be hurt. This affair has been going strong for the past few months now.

Is this just my new way life with aspergers? Is there a better ways to handle this? I have told her if she want's move on, feel free to file, but she knows she probably won't find a better man. She tells me all the time that I desevre so much more, but does she not realize I don't care. I am stay in this marriage because everyone says kids do better without divorce if the parents aren't in conflict. If she left and the kids weren't around I would literally hole myself off and become a workaholic.

I am someone who loves someone for who they are, not what they do for me. You sound like a man who is concerned for what is best for your family. You have taken on a responsibility and are doing your best to cope with what others would consider a devastating experience. What is not to love? How many men could calmly deal with this situation?

Although on the other hand, I can understand her need for emotional closeness and intimacy, but that is fleeting. What lasts is the friendship and dedication to your children you both seem to have. I think she is also coping the best she can as well. I can understand how she feels.

She is a lucky woman.

I have been in a committed relationship for almost 18 years. We were married in a religious ceremony but are not legally married. We consider ourselves married. We both have our mental health issues and there have been times when I wasn't able to be there for her and vice versa. She did cheat on me with 1 person for a few months when I was emotionally unavailable. It did bother me but not in the same way it seems to bother other people. We both went to therapy and our relationship is stronger than ever now.

Marriage means different things to different people, but what I expect out of it is that I hold her up during her bad times and she supports me during mine. For that to happen, it means we each have to be able to fend for ourselves emotionally from time to time without going outside of the marriage. It's not pleasant but it's a relief to know that if I stumble, there is someone I can count on until I get back on my feet.

The thing with mental illness is that people have a hard time seeing it as a real illness, as real as cancer. If you had cancer and were very ill, I assume she wouldn't expect sex from you. Nor should she expect the same things from you emotionally when you are struggling with mental illness. She needs to know and understand that you can't help the way your mind and emotions are working right now, but that you do love her, you do need her, and you do want her (if all those things are true). Sounds like you are working and supporting the family even in your illness, which can't be easy. So even while you are sick you are "being there" for her in the way you can. That is active love. You deserve credit for that, and you deserve her loyalty. I sense that even now, if something bad were to happen to her, you would do all you could to help her through it. Does she expect that from you? If so, you should be able to expect it from her. Illness can bring the two of you together if you band together to get through it.

Sorry for the length. Hope it helps.

I have a thread on the Adult Topics forum regarding when to bin marriage.

Personally, for me, the show stoppers are physical abuse to the point of imminent danger / murderous intent or intent to commit mayhem, drug addiction with no effort to change, criminal activity and cheating.

I have a zero tolerance policy for these behaviours.

The only exception would be if there are children involved, but if there is personal harm imminent even here divorce is a must.

One man's opinion, your mileage may vary.