Not feeling very Christmassy

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I don't know what else to do other than posting here because I feel really isolated right now. Today is a day for most people to be happy and to celebrate but here I am, surrounded by lots of tissues, a blocked nose and slitted wrists.
I feel like I can never be truly happy because I'm just one of those people who can't get anything right. I think most people are aware of it and that's why they keep their distance with me. I have some good friends but I don't usually turn to them when I'm upset because they've been through enough because of me already.

I was really looking forward to this Christmas because I've never had a proper family day with my family so thought this Christmas could be the perfect chance. but no being me, everything went wrong. First, I was having a bad day to start with yesterday as I had a bit of a temperature and a cold, then my brother was frustrating me which lead for me to stop tidying up, which lead mum to be angry and this lead to her working on Christmas day.

I've found that I get angry and upset quite easily recently, probably because I don't express myself as much as I used to because the truth is, It's much easier to pretend that you're happy than to tell everyone that you feel rubbish and be pitied by others. but I've got other solutions now like alcohol, food or self harm. Not the greatest of all but they will do for now.

I'm not going to even go on social network sites today because I know it will sadden/anger me when other people are just loving their lives, having so much fun. I sometimes wonder what I've done to deserve everything. sure, I'm not perfect but I do my best to do the right things and help others.

I don't want any sympathy or anything. I just wanted to say how I feel because It makes me feel better!
thanks

Hey, Nice post. I feel the same as you. This day is only "special", because people make it seem that way but in reality it is just another day like it always is. This day is really about companies making money off of the naivety of the people so you are actually SPECIAL because you are feeling this, while others remain oblivious.

It is important for me and you to learn to love ourselves. We may not be perfect but we deserve better treatment. Learn to love your body. If you do this, your body will align with your heart and mind. Then others will see that you love yourself, so they too will want to experience what you have to offer. You are a very very Special person, I have a way of knowing these things so stay strong. Lets grow together to see all of the good things that await us.

You can search for and add me on facebook under the name Sanche Nuss. Right now, I have a dark picture with my face in it.. Anyways, Blessings to you.

I can't do anything right ever. I have just learned to live with it.

The mashed potatoes were delicious, by the way. I'm fuller than a Saudi pub at the moment.

The past two Christmasses for me were very dark
Today hasn't been too bad, but last night was very depressing.

The "festive period" will be over soon, hide away from it as much as possible, that's what I do. Though of course, one might feel lonely because of that, and indeed I have the past two years. However places like here have made it better; online friends and such are often better than family in my view.

I had two melt downs yesterday. One when someone kept offering me food and was correlated to my loneliness during the holidays. And the second one at the dinner table when I felt incredibly strong about the investment of ceramic dishes as opposed to plastic dishes and the economic value of them both.

Thank you so much for your replies. I don't feel as alone as I was before They should have some place where the people who aren't having the best Christmas to hang out
I understand why people like Christmas; It's nice to feel festive once in a while and you spend a lot of time with your families. Now this is great unless you don't have any family or son't get on with them.
Yeah, I actually feel quite positive and motivated right now. I can sit here and sulk about not having a very good Christmas or I can get on with my life and do something useful. (Thank you!!)

And yes, that what I think. As soon as the Boxing day is over, I can get back to my everyday life. (But aah New Year's coming soon too D:) It's not that I don't like Christmas, It's that I have nothing to celebrate.. I'll be ok though. Couldn't agree with you more, sites like these makes you feel somewhat belonged. It's a nice feeling.

Hope you all have a good day today. To not feel as bad about it, I'm going to tidy my room up, have a shower, make some hot chocolate, get some snacks and catch up on some tv programs that aren't Christmassy (IT crowd ) Hopefully, It won't last too long, less than 8 hours to go

Same feeling.

I make the effort almost every year. I made extra effort this year because last year I had nothing to give. Still-- not good enough.

I hate Christmas because it's the most expectation-laden social occasion of the year.

It's bad enough that I screw things up every day. People get even madder when you screw it up on Christmas.

Like, I really wish Santa would bring me 36 hours of NT.

My Dad and I used to celebrate the holiday with red (wine) and green (won't say, but it sure wasn't Jell-O). I used to think it was sad. Just us two fuck-ups, alone with our mind-altering substances and the TV set.

Now I think it was an Aspie Happy Christmas.

Stupid Martha Stewart daydreams. We are what we are. Nobody's perfect.

But I'm cooking and that makes me happy. I like to cook. It's something-- unlike giving gifts and socializing with relatives-- that you don't need any social skills for. Just make the food and clean up the kitchen. I like cooking.

Deathmas more like, amirite?

How can one expect to feel christmassy if even the chief of the christians himself is ranting and obviously anything but happy?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/24/pope-laments-christmas-co_n_1169142.html?ncid=webmail2

Shouldn't the old gentleman give a better example to his brothers and sisters in faith? After all, it were christians who have initiated the hype.

Yes, i know i'm cynical. That's just my nature.