10yo can't tolerate his dad's breathing/eating sounds. help!

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My 10yo son was diagnosed w/ Aspergers last year. One of the reasons (among many, many others!) we originally had him tested was because he was becoming increasingly intolerant of his dad's breathing and eating. My husband is healthy, neat, and has normal breathing patterns and eating habits. There is no reason I can see that this should be happening. My son can't even tolerate being in the same room with my husband when he eats--let alone sitting at the same table! However, he can tolerate it just fine if we're eating at a restaurant--which baffles me. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with anyone else's breathing or eating. I can sit right next to him while I eat. Needless to say this is causing some real stress around here. His dad feels just terrible about it. In all other ways they have a great relationship. Has anyone else had this experience? Any advice?

I once broke up with a boyfriend because of the way he drank coffee. Really. It annoyed me that much. It wasn't him, it was like the sound was grating fingernails on a chalkboard. So I am sympathetic to your son.

Can he wear earplugs/earphones while at the family table? Otherwise I'd say let him eat in another room. Nothing is going to change this unless you block the sound or medicate the sensitivity.

I wonder if the restaurant noise offsets it for your son?

Have you tried giving your son earphones or earplugs?

While I very much advocate honoring sensory issues, in this case your son is going to have to recognize that it is a "him" problem, and not your husband's problem, IMHO. As I've told my son when he complains about anything and everything that his sister does, "you don't have a right to live without ever being annoyed." Controllable annoyances - we'll work on them. Uncontrollable ones - live with it or figure out your own adaptation (and we are always happy to help with that), but don't blame it on anyone else.

Hopefully your son will outgrow it. My son went through so many phases that thankfully just passed.

We usually do let him eat in another room. However, our house has an open floor plan so even if he's watching tv in the living room and my husband is eating in the kitchen, he'll still throw a fit! And it's not just the eating--it's the breathing as well. It makes my husband feel terrible (even though he is well aware of why it's happening and that it's not his fault--he's a great father and has done everything he can to educate himself on Asperger's). I understand the fact that he's sensitive to the noises. We've tried earplugs in other situations--but he's pretty resistant to those as well. I like the idea of having him view it as a "him" problem. Would it be unreasonable to have him go in his room at meal times so his dad and I can enjoy our meals together? There are just so many battles it's hard to know which ones to fight and which ones to let go! My son is pretty high functioning.His main symptoms are sensory. He's doing well in school and has friends. He also communicates relatively well--so it's not as though we can't talk about it with him. He does feel bad and apologize, but then just does it again. I was just wondering if anyone else experienced this. Hopefully it will pass!

I can't deal with certain eating sounds, either. Even when I am the culprit. The sounds disgust me. Smacking lips, grunting while eating, chewing mushy foods...those are sounds that can easily set me off. It is worse when I am sick and make weird breathy sounds when I eat because my nose it stopped up. Hearing myself do that kills my appetite. The sounds are easier to tolerate if there is noise in the background. When our kitchen is quiet, they are awful. We usually keep the radio or tv on in the kitchen.

It sounds like a reasonable solution to have him go to his room. However, I wonder about the future and times he will be expected to tolerate such sounds. It might be worth it to work on tolerance for the issue as well as a solution for escaping the annoyance.

My first thought of a solution was a white noise machine. This is different from music or television, and more closely mimics the background noise like that found in restaurants.

Does Dad 'quiz' him during meal times? Which might take a lot of energy and make him more vulnerable to other stresses.

Note: Not a Parent. Am a person on the spectrum.

I can't stand my mother's eating noises. They cause extreme anxiety. It's a horrible feeling.

In order, the eating noises that I can't stand:
My mother
My father
Certain friends
Strangers

Basically, the more of their eating noises you've heard, the worse feelings those eating noises produce. So it's often the eating noises of the people closest to you that distress you the most. This doesn't get better over time. It only gets worse. At home, I would suggest that your son not eat with his father. These eating noises will make you lose your appetite to eat any food yourself. In restaurants, all the background noise that he hears is drowning out the eating noises. I have tried listening to the TV during mealtimes with my mother, but it doesn't work. It has to be a room full of cluttered background noises, not a single source to offset the eating noises. But no one particularly likes to listen to a room full of cluttered background noises.

Sounds like "misophonia" --> link to Wikipedia entry

Like was said before it's misophonia. I suffer from it also. It often happens more with people you are very close to. It causes the person to feel extreme rage. I can't stand hearing my dad eat or my sister to a lesser extent and there are some other noises that bother me also. I don't really get it in restaurants either because there is so much other noise going on to deal with. I'm afraid I have no advice except headphones or ear plugs. You could try auditory integration training developed by Dr Guy Berard but it's not proven to work. I was close to doing it but I couldn't afford it.

It's misophonia.

I have had this since I was 12 - am now in 50s and still have it.

Misophonia is an extreme negative reaction - such as anger - to "mouth and nose sounds", such as chewing, drinking, breathing, etc. Your son cannot help it, and cannot just ignore the sounds.

In the short term, try an MP3 player (there are cheaper devices than iPods, but use that if he already has one). Research misophonia and "selective sound sensitivity syndrome" (4S). There is a Yahoo discussion forum called "SoundSensitivity". Also look up the "UK Misophonia" website hich has lots of good information.

At the moment this is a poorly understood condition - most doctors and psychologists have never heard of it and don't know how to handle it. My psychologist is using CBT and "mindfulness" to help me manage my misophonia. It is not easy, and he will need to use blocking methods (like noise-cancelling earphones) as well.

I am not on the spectrum, but I have recently read an article about misophonia and it is SOOOO me! I remember being as young as 5 and getting mad at a friend for crunching her cereal too loudly. I get so annoyed and angry at my husband when he eats. It's awful!

The only thing that helps me is to have background music on when we are eating. If you are in an open plan house with lots of echoes, that would make the eating noises SO much worse. I can hear my husband crunching food in the next room and we don't even have an open plan house. And, OMG, if he tries to stand next to me while he's crunching on a bowl of cereal while I'm getting my tea ready in the morning... forget it. I feel like punching him! I should add that he's not a gross eater by any means. It's all me! I have always been this way, and I have to work very hard to ignore the sounds that others make while they eat!!

So, again, it's all about having background noise for me. If we have friends over for dinner, we ALWAYS have music going so that I don't have to spend a lot of energy trying to ignore the sounds.