What makes having an aspie child difficult?

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we all know children with AS are a lovely gift in there own way but what do you think the negative points are? how have to struggled?

It is a constant struggle to deal with the ups and downs. My son has just realized that he is different, and while he sees some of the benefits such as high intellect, he also has trouble being on the same level as children his own age. He acts out, and is very paranoid that people are talking about him.

One of the hard things for me is that I have to be thinking all the time. I have to be on the lookout for things that are going to cause him trouble and try to find ways to avoid them if possible. I have to be prepared to find alternatives when something doesn't work for him. Sometimes this requires me to be quite creative in problem solving which is normally not that bad but if I am tired, sick or rundown, this can become very difficult to do. I must admit that with the many demands on my time, I get tired and I am not always the sharpest tack in the drawer.

Also it is difficult sometimes to balance the needs of an ASD 5 yo with those of an NT 8 yo when those needs are very different. I suppose that could be true for many sibling pairs but I think the 5 yo's ASD plays a large part in the separation between their wants and needs.

Every child is an individual, so my reasons will be different from any other parent. My daughter's behaviour is compounded by the fact that she has mild ADHD-like traits, which may or may not be ADHD, as she does not have a diagnosis. Here's a snippet, bullet point style:

sensory issues - suddenly refuses food that she'll usually eat, arguments each day about socks/tights/cardigans/hair
mood swings - can become really unco-operative and babyish without warning, screaming temper tantrums
sleep issues - unable to sleep, never seems tired at bedtime
strong will - will not take hands near roads or come away from an activity
hyperactivity - resulting in temporary loss of sense of danger
concentration - loses track of what she's supposed to be doing, e.g. getting dressed - has to be supervised otherwise she won't be ready in time for school
holding it together at school - comes out in a foul mood, ready to take it out on me
after school activities - never know how she will react, sometimes refuses to participate, sometimes crawls about floor, like a dog

There are a lot more issues besides these, but I could go on and on. Yes, she's a lot of work. But, as you say, she's a lovely gift. I've just spent a wonderful day with her and she made my birthday extra special. She's not a bad girl, she's adorable, intelligent, caring and anything but boring.

other peoples criticism.

That too. As well as the looks, minus the verbal criticism.

Well I personally had an abundance of sensory issues as a child and my parents didn't really know how to handle them.
As well as my understanding of how the world works led to many fights between both parties. I think it definitely would have helped had I had the necessary resources in order to help me adapt to the "real world" sooner.

Mummy of Peanut pretty much summed it all up for me.

Bad days for us are REALLY bad-like today my daughter has some allergies and this creates additional sensory issues which creates a very, irritable, unhappy child. The small things can be HUGE problems/issues.

But the good days are REALLY REALLY good too.

The lack of communication skills can be a problem because when something is upsetting they often can't tell us. Not only that but they aren't necessarily good at identifying emotions as young as NT's can so it makes it really hard to get them to figure out why something is upsetting even as a precursor to explaining it.

It is hard to see your child upset (especially when they've been at school or something and you have no observation to go on) and they come home crying--don't know if they are sad or angry because they can't tell the difference, and you have nothing you can do but use what ever calming techniques you have and wait for the crying to stop. If you are lucky you may get a coherent explanation afterwards, but maybe not.

I think this improves with time. It has been improving with us, but it is hard.

Bombaloo said it for me. I have to be constantly on my toes. There is no real rest. If he's doing well, I'm cautious about the next meltdown. It's stressful even when all is well.

For those of us who are on the spectrum, or probably on the spectrum - it is intensely painful to watch your child go through painful experiences you remember from your own childhood. My worst years were while I was in elementary and secondary school; it near about killed me to hear my son verbalize things I thought but never dared to say as a child (though I suppose at least he is growing up in an environment where he isn't afraid to give voice to scary, ugly thoughts.)

I agree. Having gone through bullying at school, I'm really concerned about the prospect of this happening to my daughter. I never told my parents what was going on and kept it all inside. This did me no good whatsoever.

When I was speaking to the depute head at my daughter's school, I mentioned an incident that I had witnessed that had troubled me. She asked how I found out about other incidents and I told her that, if my daughter seems upset or sad, I ask some questions. I was then told not to ask. If my daughter wants to she'll tell me, without being asked. Really - not from my experience. Apparently I'm making it worse by getting her to speak about it. Not surprisingly, I choose to ignore that advice.

So, yes it is horrible to see your child going through the same torments we went through, but at least we have the experience to reflect on, to help make their lives better than our own. Well that's my hope anyway.

Mummy, that's terrible! How can you protect your child if you don't ask? This is grounds for firing, if you ask me.

I find that alarming also. I hope you told them that when you have an intrinsically non-communicative child it is a safety issue---and that you need to ask.

The lack of sleep is hardest. My child has never been a good sleeper, even for a newborn. I don't function very well when I'm exhausted.

For us its the unpredictable mood swings!
Also he doesnt want to be alone for 10 minutes,! !! !! ! We ALWAYS have to entertain him!! !!
I think what stresses me out is when I can see something is building up.....his energy feels like bubbles in me.....its usually when he is anxious.....and I know we need to stop the trainsmash but really doesnt know how! We just need the tantrum to come.....fighting.....then the crying....then the depressed mood!! !! !
I also dread the " mommy I am not going to school today"! !! !,
Also the oppositional behaviour.....it will be so nice to hear "yes" more often instead of "no"....not now.....later......never......so what......no way.......