Eating at a table with people you don't know

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We've just booked a coach tour holiday in Wales for the summer, and I am really excited. But I was suddenly told (by someone who has been there before in the same hotel) that you have to share your table in the hotel canteen with other people, and this has made me feel a bit anxious. The last coach holiday I went on we had a table of our own, but this one we're going to go on apparently you have to share with other people. I know we will get to know them, and they will probably be nice, and they're most likely to be elderly, and I don't feel so socially anxious around elderly people. Plus I look young for my age, which can go to my advantage because, to old people, I can just pass off as being a surly teenager who ain't expected to say too much. But I just worry too much of other people judging me, of the way I eat and sit, and the way I don't talk much. I've often heard relatives say ''oh so-and-so seemed a bit strange because he/she didn't talk much'', without even thinking that the person might of just been shy. And this is what I'm afraid people at my table might think of me. I haven't really shared a table with strangers before, only when I was a child, but I didn't bother about it back then. I know I will still be with my two relatives who I'm going with, but even so, I'm still a bit uncertain of having to share with other people who I don't know, unless I can prove that they're really nice.

Has anyone else here ever shared a table with strangers? Is it as bad as I think? Would it make you anxious because of knowing that you can't quite be yourself and can't eat the way you like to eat? (I normally eat with my mouth open because I struggle with eating with my mouth closed because of my sinuses what are usually blocked).

I've never had a problem with it, Joe.

Just one thing, when you're chewing with your mouth open, you might want to keep a napkin in front of your mouth: it's considered very bad table manners, and may disgust people. The napkin would let people know that you're doing it for a reason and don't want to offend anyone.

Other than that, I've done that kind of thing all my life. It happens a lot around here. If you're talking to someone you don't know (or you do know), look at them, try to make eye contact, and otherwise keep your eyes on your plate.

I hope you have a great holiday in Wales this summer.

It's very difficult for me to sit at a table and eat with strangers....actually, it's difficult for me to even feel comfortable sometimes with family members at a table. I get overly self conscious. I'm always concerned that I'll say the wrong thing, or get in conversation about a subject that I shouldn't....
or even worse, that I'll drop my utensils or spill my drink....or make a face mess with a piece of food.

Usually though, those things don't happen too often, so I worry much for nothing.

When eating with others that I'm not comfortable with, I try to order foods that will be easy to handle (like not spaghetti or ribs). I don't talk too much (unless I drink wine) and I try to smile.

I just thought of a few more tips that may help
I try to sit myself at or near the edge of the table (if it's not round). That way I don't feel too claustrophobic. Also, I tend to prefer the darker area of the table (if there is one), and I prefer a seat that allows me to have a reason to be looking in the distance, like facing an entry or nice scenery.


And I think Sibyl has a good suggestion with use of a napkin.

This....!

My parents (=dad) was always critical (and still is) when I grew up and we had dinner, so that has probably made it worse.
Last time I had to sit down and eat with someone it was my in-laws. I didn't really eat to be full, I took just enough to not be rude and continuously analyzed the others to be sure I didn't eat too slow or too fast. I finished at the right time, but as usual I did not say anything the whole meal.

I totally get it, I would freak out to.

Just stay silent and be polite if they engage you in conversation, usually works perfectly for me. The most important thing is not to worry about what they think of you.

There's nothing wrong with eating with your mouth open IMO, and I think putting a napkin in front of your mouth would just make you look silly, so I'd advise against it.

And finally, enjoy your holiday!

Also I'm a very slow-eater, so I'm usually the last one to finish. I hate it when people ask, ''is that nice?'' because I'm like, ''of course it's nice, otherwise I wouldn't be eating it!'' I know it's only a friendly expression, I still somehow find it irritating because it's always got to be that expected answer ''yes''. Why can't they ask better questions where I can say a longer answer, for God's sake? Like ''what are you going to have for dessert?'' or, ''what do you want to do after dinner?'' or something like that?!

Also I sometimes get so self-conscious when strangers are looking at me eating, that I have trouble swallowing. I find this very embarrassing. When I was having a hot chocolate in a small cafe a couple of weeks ago, there was a couple sitting on a table next to us but they were sitting so they were facing us, and because of my irrational ''they are looking at me'' way of thinking, I started to clam up and found it really hard to swallow, and I kept choking on my drink and my eyes kept watering. I don't like that.

But hopefully if I got to know the people on my table and got used to them, I shouldn't feel like this.

When I say I eat with my mouth open, I don't mean I chomp loudly and having it open enough for everyone to see inside. I am a pretty tidy eater, (which is why I eat so slowly), and I just have my mouth open slightly, then swallow gently to stop air going down, then breathe because of my sinuses, then eat again....it's all unnoticable but a nuisence to me.

Interesting! My dad is also critical and judgmental. I recently discovered he has AS traits (borderline), although he doesn't seem to be half as affected as I am.
My mom also has her opinions and has no problem telling me how to live my life - all the time.

last time this happened i was in burger king and two older-teens on their lunch break were looking for a seat, i felt bad for them so asked if they wanted to share with us. felt a little awkward talking to the person with me with them sat there, because i get very self conscious and worry about people judging what i say, but other than that it wasn't as bad as i would have expected. they said thanks when we left

oh and i'm a sloww eater too joe, which i think might be where a lot of my anxiety about eating in public comes from. i get quite tense and become super conscious about my actions...which can result in getting food from plate to mouth being a far more challenging process than usual haha.

people will probably be too busy eating and chatting amongst their group to go beyond polite smalltalk anyway. maybe think up some questions to ask beforehand incase you need to engage in a conversation. should be easy- hows your holiday going/have you been here before/do you plan to visit XYZ tourist attraction/where are you from/what are you doing tonight/where did you go today etc etc

iNTruder alert! (kidding)

lol i didn't say i've ever actually done it myself

I've never had a problem with that. All I do is just eat my food and than go.

I don't like eating with strangers. I am always afraid I will make noise or will be asked something with my mouth full. I know that protocol says that if you are asked something with your mouth full, just hold up one finger and then finish chewing and swallow then answer, but it always seems like it takes forever to do that then, even though it doesn't.

I have sinus problems too and sometimes mine are blocked. As a child and young teen I ate with my mouth open as well, and was made fun of at school for that. I had to learn to eat with it closed beause nobody wanted to sit with me because of it. I hate to see people eating with their mouth open, and feel that it's very rude. I don't think a napkin in front would be a good idea though. What I do in situations like that is to take a breath before I take the bite, then chew and swallow and take another breath. That works just fine as long as I'm not eating something that is very chewy. One thing that bothers me, and I know can bother others, at the table is that even when my sinuses are open, which is usually the case, I still have to blow my nose frequently. It's very rude to do that at the table, but at home it's fine and I do. It doesn't bother anyone here. When I'm eating with strangers or even acquaintances, I wait until I absolutely have to go blow it and then go to the bathroom and do that.

If you eat with your mouth open a lot, do you normally breath with it open as well? I used to do that and it was only in my early teens that someone pointed out to me that walking around or sitting with my mouth hanging open looked very strange. I've stopped that after I was told that, and usually breath through my nose with my lips closed all the time. When my sinuses are blocked, I keep my jaw closed but open my lips just a bit to breath and it doesn't make me look strange.

My oldest daughter who is very shy went on a cruise over the summer with her fiance and his family. They were supposed to have a table all together aboard ship. It wasn't big enough, so they put her and her fiance with another family of strangers. They are both very shy and said at first that they hated it, but they got to know them and it was ok. They were expected to eat all three meals at that table with those strangers. They had the option of eating in their room, but didn't do it. Would eating in your room be an option for you?

Interesting -- I'm a slow eater too, and that makes three of us in the thread so far. I wonder whether _that's_ an Aspie trait!? I'm always the last one finished, of any group that got our food at the same time. Maybe it's worth a thread on it? I know I'm slower than any group I've ever eaten with, and I don't remember seeing anything about it in the Asperger literature.

But Asp-Z, telling her not to worry what they think of you is sort of like telling her not to think about a blue elephant! Then she'll think of nothing but blue elephants.

And the Intruder Alert small talk, have to remember she's British and probably so will be the people at table with her. That new Privacy thread made that point, that Americans are much more personal in their small talk than British, and not so reserved or private in general. I don't know enough about British small talk to have any suggestions there.

Are you able to get your sinuses unblocked at all? I feel for you. I have a lot of sinus trouble. Mine drain all the time and I am constantly sniffing and clearing my throat. Mine rarely get so blocked that I can't breathe through my nose, and when that happens I find it just about intolerable. Eating something spicy usually opens mine back up.

Thank you all for sharing about bad sinus issues and mouth-open chewing. I've learned something here.

Now when chewing sounds bother me, I will be much more sympathetic and less annoyed.

I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone's feelings about my sensitivity to the sounds of chewing.
Please accept my apologies.