LetoAtreides82 wrote:
It sounds to me you likely have asperger's. If money is of no concern for you (costs about $1000 USD to get a diagnosis) then I would highly suggest getting a diagnosis from a psychiatrist with knowledge of the autistic spectrum disorders. However if money is a concern then you may not want to go that route, many of us are self-diagnosed.
As for the doctor doubting you have it just because you inquired about it he or she has no idea what they're talking about. Doctors aren't experts about developmental disorders anyways so anything they say on that regards should be taken with a grain of salt. The awareness of asperger's has been increasing steadily since the 90's and that makes it more likely than ever for people in their late teens and older to discover they've been living with it all their lives without knowing it. I know people who never knew anything about asperger's and were given that diagnosis in their 50's.
Poor motor skills are just but one of the stereotypes of asperger's behaviors. It is not a criteria. You mention that you have an intense and restrictive interest in poetry, that you are very sensitive to particular lights, and that when you were younger you had a tendency to collect things, so you meet at least two of the common asperger's behaviors required for diagnosis.
Deficits in social communication and interaction is another big criteria for asperger's. You mention you have trouble maintaining eye contact while talking, and yet you sometimes find yourself starting at people from a distance, this is quite common in asperger's. You say that during conversations you submit a brisk thought and let the others carry the conversation because you prefer to carefully think out what you say, also common in asperger's.
Would you say that your symptoms have impaired your life? If so, can you describe how it has impaired your life?
I would highly suggest attending an adult asperger's or autistic support group. I would also suggest watching Mozart And The Whale, a movie about a couple with asperger's, you'll see the difference between an introverted person with asperger's and an extroverted one.
That you begin with the word 'sound' reminds me to disclose that I do not believe I have the associated monotone speech. I have, on the other hand, been reproved many times for the audibility and coherence of my speech (I'm sometimes given to speaking very lowly and to mumbling at home in particular). Though that I intend to outgrow.
Money in this case is not an issue as I have a medical card under which I think such a visit would fall. If it so transpires that the card cannot cover the requisite diagnosis, then I have little choice but the let the syndrome be.
As to your question, I would answer it with the question of what symptoms in particular you are referring to. My intense passion for poetry (also for prose writing and literature in general) has only served to enhance my life, to enrich it. It is a pleasure without which I could not do, in a manner of speaking. I won the national poetry competition for people my age here in October. At the awards ceremony I became vexed at being forced into pictures, and the attention I suppose, so I left early enough.
Commensurate with that comprehension of language is the profound inability to deal with numbers. Entering the Maths class is a continual private humiliation and frustration to me. My mind seems to fiercely resist almost all numerical inference, and I have lost my temper many times with the homework.
Returning to your question: my sensitivity to the lights is troublesome, as I am prone to migraines. Interestingly enough, the school is the only place where I get those headaches: It is the lighting, the garish yellow corridors that provoke them.
Being inconstant as I am in social situations means people are disinclined to approach. This I've noted. No one wants to approach someone for conversation only to discover that person cannot maintain the flow, and leaves one with the discomfiture of silence and seeming indifference.
I am thought to be quiet, shy, diffident, by turns self-deprecating and proud. or so I've learned at various points of listening. I feel at times I am not shy so much as restrained.
My mother tells me that as a child I was wild and playful, but at the age of roughly 12-13 I withdrew and ceased speaking to people almost altogether for quite a while.
I have a small circle of friends, though I tend only to be with one or two at a time. I have had romantic entanglements too, but they dissolved largely due to my own foolishness. I was loathe to be bound, and the entanglement seemed to pose that threat each time. My next opportunity for romance will be much different, I predict.
I would add that many of the social difficulties are due in part to the fact that I feel uncomfortable expressing myself with many people my own age. My friends tend to be intellectual in nature, but none of them share my interest in poetry. In fact, few or none do here. With my last girlfriend, whenever I would write something new I would badger her with it for her thoughts on the piece. She had no interest in poems, and felt inadequate when I did that, as it arose, so I stopped showing her.
I still have my doubts. I do not know exactly what the condition should feel like. I know I have had feelings of isolation as far as I can recall, even in the warmest circumstances. Etc.
Apart from this, I can think of little more necessary knowledge. If you have further questions, feel free.
Thanks for the film recommendation, I will watch it.
Many thanks,
D.
15 Jan 2012, 8:03 am
