Apathy towards friendships

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Is this a sign of autism?


I have difficulty maintaining friendships. Actually it’s not difficulty but more like apathy on my part. I like my friends, but don’t feel the need to see them or talk to them. Occasionally one of them would invite me out, and I’d go and have a good time. But I don’t feel the urge to keep in touch with them and I don’t call or email them. Needless to say I don’t have a facebook or twitter account either. And if I do feel like contacting a friend, I feel bad that I haven't for so long that I end up not doing it.

I have some degree of social anxiety in large groups like parties. I don’t like going to those. But in work settings I can be confident and am a pretty good public speaker.

Essentially I have zero social life, but I’m busy. In my free time I exercise, spend time with my wife and kids, watch TV and movies at home, or play computer games. At work I sometimes have lunch with co-workers, but never see them outside of work. I'm perfectly happy and don’t feel lonely, but I wonder if that’s because I have some autistic tendencies. I’ve always felt a bit “different”, and my 5 yr old son has high-functioning autism.

I could have written this about myself. I am pretty sure this is typical ASD stuff.

You could just be an introvert. It's not enough to say that you do have autism.

I have apathy towards friendships because I don't really think about them and they can be very difficult to keep up. I'm probably not explaining that properly. I never ask people if they want to go out. I never want to get too involved or hear about any drama, I'm more of a buddy, a drinking buddy to be more precise. When I'm not around friends I barely think about them. I do like to see them on the day we plan to see each other but I get tired easy, as in physically and mentally exhausted. Most times I have to medicate to get through a social encounter.

My reason for not wanting to socialise has to do with the amount of stress I go through, both sensory and emotional. I don't have much social anxiety these days, but I hate to be judged and having to constantly try to detect sarcasm and when someone is truly being offensive. I don't like it when people think they are just teasing me for being a bit different. I find it insulting and an attempt for them to make me change my ways.

I don't like to balance a social life with taking care of my basic needs and my special interests.

I can't seem to live happily without any friends at all, but I tend to go for one big, exclusive relationship........that generally feels like it's enough for me, being as simple as it gets (I only have to fathom one mind). I know it's almost universally believed that such a life would drive anybody insane, with so much invested in just one person and very few spaces between the couple, but I never feel the need to be with other friends at all strongly, while a partner is satisfying my needs for company. So I have to almost force myself to bother much with others, and I have some success at that in spite of the increased complexity. We might go out as a couple and try to mingle a bit, but always keeping an eye out for each other so that neither of us gets ignored for too long. If we manage to talk with a person or two, fine, but there's no great urge to invite people round very often. Ideally we would probably look for other couples to swap visits with (three tends to be a crowd), but without any sense of urgency at all. Making friends is hard......it's so hard to know who to trust, especially when one has a partner to lose.....things can get complicated. But I think there has to be outside influence in the mix, even if it's only a trace, otherwise "nobody likes me" just becomes "nobody likes us" and when the novelty has worn off the relationship, that can feel very unhappy.

Outside a relationship, I become more outgoing to the world (or my carefully-selected bits of it), and may invest a lot in that, but most of it is likely to get cut back if I find somebody special......I try never to erase anybody from my life unless they're dangerous, but there is often a big "demotion" and I tend to feel guilty and sad about that. But it's the only way I've ever worked.

I'm sort of the opposite.....I think I'm much much warmer towards my friends and boyfriends than with my own FAMILY......explain that one.........?? I know I have a lot of family that want me and love me but I just don't see the need to be with them, or talk with them.....help me sort that one out!! >_< Anyone....anyone.....

I don't even feel like I care about or need real life friendships. Except for occasionally needing someone to do things for me or to have around if my anxiety gets really severe about certain things I probably wouldn't care if I never saw another human in real life again.

Even now I barely leave the house and don't really have real life friends. I have a couple I guess but if you mean a non family member that I don't live with and can call on the phone to chat or go out and do things with then I have no one.

My son has a diagnosis of Asperger's and he is very sociable and keen to spend time with others, plans parties and so on. I don't have a diagnosis and I am happy with my own company. Although I do enjoy spending time with friends, I can go for months without seeing them and not miss them.

Lack of interest in friends, a preference for being on your own or being introverted are not synonymous with autism.