I am so confused with this american guy...

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Dear All,

I am going to tell you a story, I know it is too long, but if you have time please try to read it..

I met with someone last summer. He works in the same university where I study. He is 37 years old but feels like 17.. The first time I saw him I was with a friend who already knows him. She asked him if he can arrange a conversation group to improve our speaking ( I am not a native english speaker and he leads this kind of conversation groups in the university.) So he is a kind of teacher to me.

In our first meeting, he asked questions about dating and stuff, since I am so nervous about talking about this, I had to reveal that I've never had a boyfriend (my age is 26 by the way..). In our second meeting he again asked questions about relationships as well. I didn't think it was special to me or to my friend. He just looked like a guy trying to have a good time. After this meeting he said he has to go to US so I didn't see him for about 2 months. And during this time i didn't think about him at all.

At the beginning of this semester he informed us that he is going to lead conversation group 3 days a week (last year it was only once a week). The first conversation group topic of the new semester was "facebook", I told him that I don't have a facebook account but I have a twitter account. He asked me if he takes a twitter account and adds me, would I let him to be my friend or not. Well.. I told him I would consider it.. (I know I am stupid but what do you expect?) The day after this happened I asked him that why he didn't add me yet, he said he was busy but he will add me as soon as possible. But he never added me on twitter...

Anyways, conversation group topics grew more and more interesting. I felt like I started to know him better and I also felt like he also started to like me as a person. I had some negative features like being so childish and making really bad jokes but I felt like he didn't bother about this. He agrees most of the things I say and responds like "Do you know what, I was going to say just like that!" And he always seems like he is very interested in whatever I say. If someone says a mean thing to me, and he sees that I am upset about it, he says something that can make me feel better. So he managed something in here. (okay maybe he just liked me as a person.)

One day I told him that i really like to spend time alone, and he agreed that he also likes to spend time alone too. Several days later, he told a story about octopuses right in front of other students. He told that they are solitary creatures and when they find their mate, they make love and die just after that. He told me this while looking into my eyes.. I found it very funny, and I asked him that if they have sex only once in their life time. (yes I know, I am hopeless!) Well I wasn't sure what he was trying to do, you know, he could be a player too, maybe he wants me to fell in love with him. And do you know what I don't care about octopuses!

I look like really rational but I am a very sensitive and fragile person. And eventually I put this guy in a very special place in my mind I started to talk a lot about him with my friends (I have only 3-4 friends by the way). So they told me that I can invite him to a party. Believe me, It wasn't that easy but I managed to invite him. Unfortunately, I had to invite him in front of other students (they never leave us alone!), and he came with contradictory excuses! First he said, "I can't because there is work tomorrow, I should wake up early" and I said "are you joking? you can wake up early?!", then he said "I am going to meet with a friend of mine.." Well I disappointedly said "Ok, maybe next time..". I didn't care about this "friend" since he always says that he is single.

I continued to go to the conversation groups, I was having great time, and he was telling things like taking risks in life and stuff. And in my next attempt this time I brought my friends in the conversation group (they don't study in my university..) well I wanted him to know my friends so he wouldn't hesitate to accept my invitations. We invited him somewhere in that day, again, but he said he had to meet with a friend but he also said he can join us next time. Great, isn't it?

After a while ago I sent him an e-mail to invite him to another meeting. He responded me 2 days later. He said he can't make it because a friend of his going to stay at his home that weekend so he should look after him.(yes, his friend is male). Well, I am a reasonable person and do you know what I believed in him. Because at the end of his mail he says if there is another plan he hopes to be invited again.

Okay, this kind of rejections can become really exhausting and they made me think about him more. Since I am dealing with a really serious scientific research, I decided to end this situation because I couldn't concentrate on my work just because of him! So I made a dreadful decision.. I decided to send him an e-mail that reveals my feelings about him. An e mail because I never catch him when he is alone.

I think I wrote a romantic email to him.. I am not going to give the details... I said something about he told me when I first saw him. And I said that it is a good sign for me to remember this thing. Long story short, I invited him to drink a cup of coffee, and I was clear that it was a romantic date offer. When I pushed the send button, I wanted to vaporize or vanish! Because somehow I knew that it is a kind of mistake for a girl to reveal her feelings to a guy that soon. I closed my computer and just ran away from university. When I opened my computer (6 hours later), I saw that he replied me in 20 minutes. He says let's have a coffee sometime, and if I want, I can bring my scarf with the writing on it, he will read it for me. (this scarf with the writing on it is a very old one and it belonged to my grandmother, in my email , I told him that when I found this scarf he came to my mind because when I first meet with him, he said that he was looking for someone who can read an ancient form of my native language.)

And in his reply he continues like..

"Will you be at the university this week? Since I have some guests who are in the city, I will be taking care of them in the evenings for the next week or so, but if you are on campus during the day, we could go to Starbuck's or something. Will you be around?"

I was dissapointed a bit actually, I mean Starbuck's is located in the campus, and i felt like he doesn't want to see me anywhere outside of the campus.. Anyway I replied him that next 2 days I won't be in the campus but thursday I will. So he replied saying that thursday is fine, how about at 14:00? I said it is okay.

Same day, at 1:00 am he sent me another email that says if it would be okay if we met at 15:00 on Thursday. And he adds he just remembered that he has a meeting with a professor on that day at 13.00, and he is not sure how long it will last. I replied like it is okay and said if he wants we could mail with him during the day. He said it sounds okay.

Last week, thursday, I was dying because of excitement, looking at the clock, waiting for our meeting time.. I went to starbucks (I know such a bad place and it is on the campus..), I couldn't see him. I waited for him for about half an hour. He didn't appeared. So I send him another mail asking that if he forget about our meeting. He replied that he is on his way, his meeting with the professor ran late.

He came eventually with his usual shabby look. I wanted to speak in my own language because I know he can speak my language , he has a graduate major in my language. But he refused, he spoke english. (maybe he wants to stay as my teacher? ) I wanted to buy him coffee but he refused saying that he has to leave at 16:00 because he has another meeting with a student. I wanted to punch him in the face, but I am a nice girl so I didn't say anything. We had only 20 minutes. What a dissapointment! I gave him my scarf to make him read it, but he couldn't.. He said he couldn't read it
because he thought that I am going to bring a short line, and he added that he can only read prayers for some reason. So I asked him if the writing could be a poem. He said he know a guy who can read this. He didn't say anything after this for about 5 seconds. Then I told him that I could take photographs of the scarf and send him so he could show them to his friend. He said (not suprisingly) ,
" I was going say just like that!" He also said he will be out of town for 2 weeks, but when he returns he could invite his friend to drink something and show the writings.

Anyway so he couldn't read my scarf, he came late, he didn't speak my language, he didn't let me buy coffee and it was 15:56. So I reminded him his meeting with his student at 16:00.. He said it is time for him to go. We said good bye each other, and I kept on sitting on this stupid Starbuck's chair with my notebook and scarf, alone. I know it looks like nothing going to happen but do you think that I should send him the photographs of my scarf? Should I keep on going to conversation groups? And can anyone please make me accept the fact that he is not that into me? Because I need to get him out of my mind!

Thanks for reading..

Well, he is not that into you. He is into you, but only as a side dish in lieu of a main course. (Sorry, I'm hungry right now) As for the photographs, no you *shouldn't* send them, but you can do what you want. It sure sounds like sending those photos won't change your situation.

Based on your post I'm sorry to say that it seems like he's not into you.
If he liked you then he would have tried to make up for the times he declined your invitations.
It seems like this guy is eventually going back to his country anyway.

I really like the way you tell the story, it's cute and it made me smile. I happy to see that other people over-analyse all the facts of a birthing love affaire too.
I also think hé is into you but not that much, as I am a bit clueless about love I think you should find someone who will see how great you are and so will do as much as he can to spend time with you.
Good luck )

This is my very 1st post on WP!

I really like the way you tell the story, it's cute and it made me smile. I happy to see that other people over-analyse all the facts of a birthing love affaire too.
I also think hé is into you but not that much, as I am a bit clueless about love I think you should find someone who will see how great you are and so will do as much as he can to spend time with you.
Good luck )

This is my very 1st post on WP!