school help!! !

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Hi I'm new to the forum. I am a mum with a lovely little lad with autism. He was diagnosed a year ago and he is now 4 1/2 years old. We have just started the process of getting a statement of education. He is so stressed going to school it can take me 30mins to get him in the car. He tells me he hates school, that it is too noisy for him. He is violent at school and at home but, only when I'm trying to get him to school!! He is very verbal and at home he is lovely and calm and kind. The school have told me that at school he is happy unless now this is their words not mine! "he doesn't want to follow the rules, routine" I've asked when he is upset and it always relates to carpet time and group time, to me that is him not, not wanting to and more like not being able to.
Anyway my question is - how is school if you have autism? I know he finds group time difficult but i want to understand why. Also he seems so distressed going to school and we are getting constant reports of violent behaviour should we be looking at a different school? This behaviour has only started since the beginning of January he has always had challenging behaviour and not engaging in adult led activities but now it is biting kicking etc. These episodes are a couple of times a day and apparently in what is called independent learning he is quite happy.
Please can you help us to understand and help with the decision of where would be best for him to go to school? I just want him to be happy at school like he is at home.

I guess it's always worth trying to work with the school first. I have raised 4 kids - none asd , but some of the same issues come up from time to time.

Have you tried?

1. Getting him there much earlier? In the UK we have breakfast clubs, dropping your child into the schools care at 8, when there are a handful of children in the school and plenty of friendly staff should be much calmer?

2. If this isn't possible or available, how about dropping him off slightly later than the usual bell time? The school is likely to be quieter and less stressful.

3. I don't know how to put this nicely, but some parents can become overly clingy or emotional when dropping off children at school, this rubs off on the child and can make it more intense than nessassary.

So go through your drop off ritual, kiss/hug/things on peg etc. wave. then let them enter the class room.. if the child clings or starts acting up, then hand over to the teacher or assistant without any further interaction and walk away, don't look back or become involved. Teachers are used to this and if they are honest, they usually find the child calms down quite quickly. It might be hard for the first few times, but once a pattern and routine is set, it should stick.

If your school can't work with you on any of this, then I would completely agree that you need to find a better school.

Jason.

Hi He was going into school quite well but, i don't know why he has gotten so distressed all of a sudden. I am having a massive struggle just getting him into the car. I am afraid it is not as simple as saying goodbye. It takes both of us 30 mins to get him into the car. He destroys the house attacks us and once we do get him into the car he kicks the car and constantly removes his seat belt. He has gone to child care since 9 months old so is not really clingy. He says he hates school it is too noisy and there are too many people. Once at school we have to go in through the main entrance as he refuses to walk to his class. The teaching assistant is called and he then attacks her too. We do at this point walk away. Despite him never wining his battle to avoid school the same happens every day. He has even started trying to get germs into his body in various ways so that he can make himself sick so he doesn't have to go to school. Thanks for replying and your views it is appreciated. x

That sounds tough, sorry I couldn't be of any help.

Jason