"Is my friend really a jerk, or am I too sensitive?&quo

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Do you often find yourself wondering this? I've let friends go because they lost respect or were just too snarky, but I'm starting to wonder if this is really just me getting bent outta shape?

Anyway, how about your own experience with this situation?

I have had friends who stopped answering my calls, well one friend did not call for 2 years and i called her so many times, another one calls only when she needs books etc.
So i dont think im sensitive i think im sensible to let them go.......distance as created rift no point in dragging it further

Have you talked with them about it before dropping their friendship? They may not be aware of how they are coming off to you.

I've had this happen a few times, but it's been over the Internet..........there was one guy whom I really enjoyed chatting with, until he found out that I live in Arizona. From that point on, his conversation towards me consisted of little but jokes and comments about how I "must" be a cowgirl, and I eventually had to tell him that if he couldn't drop that topic, I'd rather that he not contact me anymore. (I never heard from him again after that)

Hey Kalika, I'm in AZ too.

To answer the previous question, whenever I have confronted these kind of things in the past, no matter how I do so the situation never really improves. They act more careful for awhile, but things go back to being the way they were before. But I've had this happen several times now, where a friend was just abusive and snide, so I had to cut them off.

So I pick friends who are as dorky as I am, if not more.

I used to have friends who were a lot edgier and did more mature things that I wasn't exposed to (i.e. smoking, partying, sex, etc.) and they respected that I didn't do any of those things but I dropped them because we didn't have anything in common.

Now I just don't even try associating myself with people who don't have anything in common with me because I know the entire relationship will just be so cordial that I can't even bear it.
I still have one friend who is rather edgy and all that and respects that I'm not, however, she has other things in common with me and I can see that she likes who I am and she doesn't use me for things.
I used to have friends who would use me for things like copying homework or borrowing money and that was it, and we'd never hang out. So I just stopped talking to them completely.

It's certain people. Sensitivity has little to do with it unless you consider not having anything in common with someone (and I mean NOTHING) too sensitive.

I have this exact same problem. I never know where the line is between standing up for myself and being oversensitive.

ETA: But I think it's OK to err on the side of oversensitive. We don't owe people second/third and so on chances just because we hang out with them. I think people have a weird definition of "friends." To me, friends care about, trust, and treat each other with respect. People I just hang out with who aren't very nice to me don't get to be my friends and I don't have any obligation to continue spending time with them.

A wise therapist told my mom this about my dad,
"if it feels like abuse, then it is."

The same thing could apply to what you described. Just like some women have a string of abusive relationships, you can do the same thing with friends too.

It is all about looking at how a person treats people, talks about others, and their attitude they project towards others, because soon that will be how they will treat you.
Find people who treat ppl with respect and dignity...alot of these people are not the most popular, charasmatic, or utterly facinating people. They often seem kinda plain at first, but once you get to know them they blossom before you as truly wonderful people.

You should be as guarded about who you allow in your life as a friend, as you would a lover. The emotional risks are similar.

Jojo

Is there a difference? If a person knows I'm sensitive, and they hurt me, then they're being a jerk.

If they don't know how sensitive I am, they're not really my friend. A real friend would take the time and attention to notice that.

I've distanced myself from friends who had other problems that impacted my ability to remain on good terms with them. I'm also pretty sure others who once felt I was a friend of theirs have done the same with me. It happens. To my mind, being around people who are irritating to oneself is an unnecessary complication.

I never put all of the onus on the other person, as that's not exactly fair. I feel like I have some responsibility of sharing what I think the other person needs to know about me. I agree with your first sentence, though. Once I know they have that knowledge, if they still push, then yeah, they are a jerk and not being a good friend.

I do not "put all of the onus on the other person." I did not say that, and I don't know why you chose to interpret it that way.

A friend has to be willing to listen and pay attention, to make it possible for me to share anything with them. For instance if they spend most of the time we are together just talking about themselves, I don't get the opportunity to share anything.

And some people only want very casual interaction with friends. They run the other way if you open up to them. Those friends are okay to be around, as long as they don't do anything upsetting or hurtful. But if they do, they aren't invested enough to understand or care why you are upset.

Perhaps I am misunderstanding this (or over-thinking it, which is most likely). I read it as you saying it is the other person's responsibility to notice things about you, and that if they don't notice, then they are not really your friend. If that is not what you were intending to convey, then I apologize.

I disagreed with it based on how I read it, because I have known people to be really dense and inattentive, but they were still good friends. I also was thinking about how I've personally had to learn to remember that not everyone knows what I'm thinking or feeling, because I'm bad about sharing it and I tend to hold it in and fake enjoying myself a lot. For instance, I have a best friend that knows I don't like going to new places, but she does know that I will tend to still try to make an effort, and in many cases I will come around to liking it. If she invites me somewhere new, and I don't share with her that I'm feeling uncomfortable after giving it a fair attempt, that doesn't mean she's not being a good friend for wanting to stay and ignoring my discomfort. I don't feel like she is ignoring my discomfort as much as I am not being a good friend by expressing it.

Maybe we all have people like that in our lives! I don't have an answer for you, still wondering the same thing and I am 55. I do tell myself that the people I only heard from when they wanted or needed something really aren't missed, that my time is not taken up with their carrying on about some problem, or doing things for them thinking it was all a part of normal friendship. It might just be that I am bitter, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I can't even guess at the number of times I was a "friend" to people who couldn't be bothered, were rude, or just plain nasty when I wanted a little of their time and concern. At my darkest moments it seems like I simply have been a target for dozens of "users", but heck, all anyone can do is try their best and live their life.

I don't really mean users, but I noticed that too. Maybe it's not my darkest moments that it happens, but if a user can sense you need more connections in your life, that's when the cycle starts.

This is SO me. I have found that when I've dropped people, I really needed to at that time. In a few cases, I was able to circle back years later.

A big problem for me is seeing in black & white. Also, before I knew I had Asperger's, I personalized things. I didn't realize that maybe the person's intentions were different from my perceptions. I'm getting better at asking more questions now & explaining my limitations so they know to be clear.

Even still, some people just gotta go!