How do you handle being single forever?

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What if you're just too Aspergian/Sad/Damaged to be in a serious relationship?

Do you just settle for the false intimacy of casual sex to help you get by?

I need to protect women from me (not physically, of course) - it is simply immoral for me to date anyone because they are going to get hurt no matter how hard I try.

FML

This is why I no longer date. I hope to get back to it one day, but I don't know how. I came to the same conclusion, though; it was just immoral for me to date since I end up hurting people, inadvertently. Likewise, I'm extraordinarily picky, so, there you have it (much smaller pool to choose from, to begin with, and I simply won't put up with things that other people do).

I try to fill my life with other pursuits, revel in the fact that I can function almost normally in all other arenas (after having learned so much by observation and hard work).

We *all* live with limitations. Even NTs. If you cannot connect with human beings in a way that's mutually satisfactory, then that is your limitation.

If you cannot live like this, I recommend intensive therapy. It might do you some good, though it doesn't work for everyone.

Good luck!

At least you've dated, and actually kissed women. Some people will never get that chance. You have a stable job, friends, two children, (I think), and women actually want to go out with you (for whatever reason) I'd kill to be in a situation like yours.

I'd just focus on the things I have; (which would be a lot in your case) Kids, job, etc. Who knows, maybe you'll find someone special when you're not even looking (at least that's what a bunch of people here say)

FML shouldn't apply here.

I had this problem – and I still do – but after some long therapy I'm getting better and though my boyfriend and I have a few fights and we're not in a completely calm state of relationship yet, we're getting there. I think one can work to get better at it but only if the person themselves want to. Before, I used to break the relationship off or just withdraw completely because I was unable to cope with it, or I hurt them, and it became one long vicious cycle. I'm far from okay with it all, but... Getting there. Difficult as hell, tho.

But before that... Casual sex can work, but the issue I kept running into there was that my casual partners kept falling in love with me and that kept ending in ruin. Really, what fulfilled me the most was spending my time doing what I love. (The sexual aspect is tricky to me, because I am a picky person and refuse to sleep with anyone who I can't click with mentally.)

Oh, also, I didn't comment on the casual sex thing because I, personally, can't have casual sex. If you're capable of it, though, it might be a solution. You're male, so I think your options for casual sex are wider open than for a female your age.

You know, some people are actually happy being single and alone (me). It's society and its Noah's Ark Syndrome (if you don't have a mate you will drown) that's the real problem.

You know... before you give up. You should consider meeting some foreign women. Or women with a culture different than yours. I've found that personally I get along really well with French and German women.

I guess you just focus on trying to live a happy life, and try to maintain a healthy sense of self respect.

I mean, you are 45. You run the risk of being very unhappy for the remaining years of your adult life if you worry about your value as a serious relationship partner. I know it's cold comfort, but there's little else to do other than enjoy your friends and your life, as well as appreciating the women who do come into your life while they're there.

I'm not saying to "give up" or repress your natural desire for a partner, but I do think that it's best to just accept your losses and not take them too personally. A certain degree of compromise is necessary for any relationship to thrive. While it's healthy to reflect on whether you behaved selfishly or immaturely when a relationship ends, you are bound to have limits on what you can handle. If the other person can't live with those, they are as responsible as you are for the end of the relationship.

I don't think casual sex will make you happy if it's companionship you're after. If it's sexual fulfilment you want, there are other ways to get that other than a relationship.

If it's companionship and happiness, it's best to keep friends and family in your life who you enjoy being around and who enrich your life as much as you enrich theirs. If at some point a woman wants to be a part of that, then that will happen for you at some point. If not, you may well end up single for the rest of your life. If that does happen, will you let it spoil the rest of your time here on earth? Apart from anything else, if you are going to meet someone at some point, you might as well enjoy the time you spend waiting for them to show up.

Again, I know this is cold comfort and that you'll still be missing something on some level by not having a woman in your life, but I think happiness is more important than love. Those two things should go together; if they don't, then you shouldn't regret it not being a part of your life. It's better that you should be alone than to struggle to attract people who won't naturally accept you and all your faults as they are.

So, you handle it by accepting that you might not find a partner, that this isn't your fault and that you still possess value and worth as a human being regardless of whether anyone chooses to accept you or not. I really do think that's the only way to be, if not happy, then at least at peace with yourself.

any one of us could end up dying alone; even people currently in relationships may find that it doesn't last. it's best to be happy with who you are and find a way to be content with singlehood. therapy is a good option for that because it can assist you in changing your mindset and gaining self-esteem. that same option will also help you if you do manage to start future relationships.

MR20 actually has a very good point - Grisha, you have had multiple partners (casual sex/girlfriends/spouse) and children already, as well as a good job - all things that many people on the spectrum might not *ever* experience. keeping it in perspective may help.