Possibly AS or something else?

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Yes, another thread to ask for your insight and opinion on whether someone could possibly have AS or not at all, not very likely.
I've seen quite a lot of these threads emerge lately, so I don't hope I bother anyone with it but I wanted to make one some time ago so I'll just get over with it.

I'll start chronologically and proceed to describe how I behave today:
So.....when I was a toddler I didn't like to be hugged, nor kissed or touched at all by nobody; I'd even lash out and hit everyone who tried. I tended to avoid eye-contact, too and turned my head away from people. I was very quiet though. I didn't like to wear clothes; I'd take them off frequently. I also liked to jump randomly on the spot or spin myself and get dizzy.
When I was old enough to enter the kindergarten and even a little bit earlier I tried to learn to read and write (I don't think I succeeded in writing though).

In kindergarten I went around asking every single child if he or she wanted to be my friend. It didn't work and I got rejected save by one child. One day in kindergarten the teacher asked everyone about their favorite plush toys or dolls, specifically about their name( "what's his/her name?). My answer to the question was simply "nothing" which was reported to my parents later. I didn't manage to learn how to tie my shoes, so I got Velcro shoes. I also didn't like a lot of foods, I was a picky-eater and the smells of some repulsed me, as well. E.g. sandwiches, I hated them, their smell, the texture of their ingredients, I couldn't even make one for others, I'd cry. That's when I started to have cereals for breakfast and nothing else. I also couldn't go on bus or car rides or any other vehicles since I got sick very quickly because of their smell.

In primary school I didn’t even try to make friends anymore. I just sat or stood somewhere and watched others play until someone asked to befriend me. I was bullied, too but I never understood why (not by everyone though). I didn’t have the same interests as the other children; I found them boring and not understandable. I didn’t learn to swim (until I was 15 or so) and I didn’t learn to ride a bike (until I was 19), I didn’t manage to do it. When it came to sports I’d be chosen last to join teams, too. But I knew how to draw very well. I was generally very quiet and didn’t try to socialize or anything. I was very fast in doing tasks at school but since I saw that others weren’t as fast I waited until the last begun; my teachers thought I was slow until they asked me about it. Then again I was extremely bad at mathematics and didn’t understand how to read clocks. At home I would do homework and read without anybody asking me to. I loved to read nonfiction books for children but also books like dictionaries and encyclopedias.

In middle-school I was really isolated, nobody would want to befriend me. I wasn’t bullied, just not included. I didn’t like to talk about the things they did, I didn’t like chit chat; that’s why appeared almost mute. I also liked to stare at things like walls, doors,…particular things in my environment; and nobody could understand why I’d look at something like that. My last and only friend there even told me, “I want to be part of the normal crowd, that’s not possible with you.” I eventually found someone as friendless as me at school and tried to teach myself how to interact with people with her. I’d practice things like “hello, how are you?....”, small talk. It was very strange for me but I guessed that this was something that I lacked. I immersed myself in specific interests I developed and only did those things in my free time e.g. classic literature or the Japanese language. I’d not only read, I’d also write booklets full of the things I liked, I copied entire chapters on different languages because I liked them so much.

In high school I finally found some friends based on some of my interests, although I soon found they’d talk a lot of small talk and stuff about social activities which I didn’t have to tell anything about. Even when I was invited to parties, I was happy but bored. I’ve found I like one to one conversations a lot more than group gatherings. So even when I was finally included in a group I’d sometimes search for someone I could talk to eye to eye which I guessed appeared strange to many, as well. I also wasn’t sure about the concept of friendship and very distrustful at first (since I’ve been abandoned or not included…etc. many times). I was still very bad at mathematics: I couldn’t grasp which number comes first in division or subtraction….and minor stuff like this which added up ruin everything in mathematics. I was very good at foreign languages, so good I was asked by teachers if I couldn’t skip levels, but I couldn’t since I was abysmal at mathematics, physics and physical education. I still had interests like music history and somehow everybody asked me about it. I was good at drawing, too. Sometimes people would approach me to ask me to draw a picture for them, so that where ways I could connect a little to others. Some friends would tell me to stop going on about the same topic over and over again, too, even saying my interests are obsessive and there would be no point in talking to me if it was always the same.

I started to enter some internships (in medical areas) and tried two jobs out,…everybody in those work environments told me I didn’t know how to handle people. In fact, even and especially in my family I’ll always hear how I don’t talk, how I’m not expressive, how I’m so much like a robot, a wall, how I don’t seem emotional….most of the time. Sometimes I’ll explode very easily. Although I’m in the room it seems as if I’m not there (unless we talk about something that interests me). I still can’t stand some tastes, smells and sounds. I’d often get into fights because of this (though I’d only do this at home, since I know that wouldn’t be accepted elsewhere).

At the end of high school I’d won a price for being the freak of the year and for talking weirdly( the language I use can sound extremely formal at times, I don’t use many colloquial terms). Really. In my yearbook I had many people write that I’m weird, odd,..etc. I wasn’t offended though since I thought it was better to be known for something rather than be just someone else.

In college…..I still have great difficulties to connect with people, I don’t get non-verbal cues until some minutes later, I’m often not sure if I’ve seen some faces or not. I don’t understand very well if someone likes me or is friendly or what…and I’m always too direct about the things I want when talking, I still don’t do small talk and if I do it sounds contrived or uninterested. I don’t know how to make good conversations. For the first 10 minutes people may have a good impression but as soon as they know me a little better…I spout out some random facts in conversations and other stuff…nowadays I’m more and more aware that this and that might not be of interest but I usually start talking and then am like “oh, I know,…” and stop. Especially after discovering AS I’m much more aware about things I do which could seem unusual. Not to say I have AS but whatever it is, informing myself about AS (by reading books and papers, listening to interviews,…etc.) has made me aware about some things much more than before. I’ve always been interested in psychological themes and read books about different things e.g. mood disorders, personality disorders, transpersonal psychology, intelligence…etc. But I’ve never found anything could explain my way of being. I also read those books in order to understand my environment and people around me.

I’m sorry for my long post. If you were bored and had nothing to do I hope you had a good read if not and you’re just kind or interested in this, I hope it was still okay.
Thanks for reading.

I was kind of bored so I read it. I'm not always capable of reading large bodies of text.

I read that and I think "how could you not have AS?" I suppose I read about it daily and have known my symptoms for about three years now.

You sound like me a lot in some parts which is rare when reading about someone's AS story. I was uninterested in people, bad at maths but very artistic. People treat me like it's my God given talent. Maybe. Maybe it's just that my dad was also artistic. I was a bit slower in my development and didn't really think of making friend or doing my homework. Still, each one of us on the spectrum still have our differences.

Sounds like you have some hypersensitivity to taste which is quite common in AS.

I think you've got it. Are you struggling much with your symptoms? I ask because soon the definition of autism will change and they will only diagnose people who meet the new criteria. But hey, you could always hang around here.

I hope some more people are bored but thanks for replying.

I definitely struggle with everything related to the social spheres of life. E.g. when I was employed (2 jobs which I didn't really need) I got fired early, after a month to be precise. The two jobs were call-center related types of work: one was about getting customers and the other about conducing interviews. I got nobody to talk to me on the phone. I was exceptionally bad at those jobs. I also don't have many friends or acquaintances or anything like that....
My plans are to work in the academic field, so ......whether I'm struggling or not. I guess it depends, I'm not independent (live with my parents) so I can't tell for sure if my social abilities would impede me from whatever there is.....

Hi Mayel,

Thank you for posting your story, it seems to fit many of the attributes of AS, but I think it's fair to say that you should always consider professional guidance on this, There are a lot of syndromes and conditions that can cause similar symptons and life storys.

You seem to have figured out quite a lot about yourself, such that routine rote work dealing with people is not a good career choice. Research and academia seems like a good fit, somewhere I could easily end up when my current career finally gets to me

Living independently didn't work for me, I am fortunate that I am now married or in some ways rescued from that situation.

From my own experiences and those who professionally work with aspies it's pretty clear that if you can work within your interests you can do amazing things. The trick is to work out your interest and channel it into your employment. Academia is great for this as there can be a scholarly angle on almost any obscure subject.

With a suportive boss and working environment you can thrive. You will have to work to make sure that your knowledge and ability within your subject area overcome any negative behaviours such as time keeping and poor social skills. My own aspie view of the work place, is that typically n/ts are better at office politics, time keeping, paper work and figuring out how to survive in the work place. Quality of work and understanding of the subject matter are often less important to them.

I struggle and need a lot of in the office down time. I can go through seemingly days in a bit of a blur, but when the circumstances are right I can solve problems and produce work that would take others weeks of effort in minutes or hours. This averages out over time, but I would completely fail in any working environment that is measuring work on an hourly or daily basis (such as a call centre).

What are your interests and qualifications? I struggled academically in class room settings, but excelled during my 100% online masters degree.

Jason

Goes without saying. Just looking for some insight from people who know AS.


Although I still haven't entered any type of work field of this sort, those are my observations and thoughts exactly.

I'm studying for a bachelors degree but I want a masters degree and a PhD later,too. I'm studying geography and will choose the area of human geography. Then I'll still have to specialize; I'm still not sure where but I'm getting there.

Anybody else want to comment on my story?

I've read all what you've written (although my first language is not English), and I get the impression you are very likely an Aspie... However, I was different, I was more into maths, physics, science, and I was terrible at languages and I wasn't good at arts.

I quoted this because it applies to me as well. I'd like to add that if you can find a niche (a narrow segment) in the work market it would provide a better job opportunity for you. For example, I work on the field of finances (I have a degree in one) and I use my natural skillfulness at computers that relatively few people can do combined. I think it has helped me out countless times when I was less than apt at certain tasks...

Having read your story I would be very surprised if you're not an aspie. You say you've been reading about AS, could you tell us what doubts you have about having AS?

Mhmm...English isn't my first language, too.


Thanks for all your advices.


I don't have meltdowns. I don't have an inflexible adherence to routines or rituals. I'm more or less flexible with the few routines I have. And I don't have any repetitive motor mannerisms either, I mean....I might take a piece of paper and fold it constantly or take a pen and spin it for hours....but I would consider those to be possible nervous tics rather than motor mannerisms.
And finally, I'm obviously in no position to assess myself though I'm going step by step on a search to find answers.

Sorry to bump this thread again. But I'd like to get one or two more comments on this. Given you have the time to read through this lengthy text.
So what I've missed is, why do you think it could be AS or not?