Home School or Public School??? HELLLLLLP

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I am in a bit of a dilemma. My 8year old HFA son (PDD and ADHD combined) HATES SCHOOL!! ! He is in a public school that starts at 9:30 in the morning and doesnt end until about 4pm, (parent pick up time). He hates it, he is in a CO TEACH classroom which is just another way of saying the school cant afford a special ed class because the one they have is overcrowded and the school does not have a real Autistic Support Classroom, (that is located over 30 miles away in another town completely inconvenient for a single mom to drive there etc etc) He is in a classroom full of normal second graders and only a few kids with special needs. The teacher s are wonderful but the schools low budget does not allow for extras such as one on one tutors, or extra help aside from the only two teachers there.... He complains of normal kids teasing him, and being stupid because he is way behind them, and it KILLS me to drop him off crying and whining everyday, I just feel this is not right. He has an IEP but the hell if I know if its being implemented. the school does not allow you to walk in to find out, they are extremely strict, you are not even ALLOWED IN THE CLASSROOM without 24 hours prior notice and for GOOD REASON. You cant even use the toilets in the school at all and you are darn sure not allowed to just walk in. Its crazy. Anyway, in his IEP he is supposed to have frequent breaks, have someone watching him in the lunch room to help him eat, he is supposed to be given extra time for finish his meals ,k this is not hapepning and he comes home starving, he has already lost weight and is only in the 11th percentile for weight!! ! Im having a conronary about this. Also he complains of being tired and the work being to hard, EDUCATION IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TORTUROUS, ITS supposed to be exciting and fun. Even Einstein said you should never fear education and everyday my son complains and gets very upset when he goes to school.
Now after I just explained all that, I want to know if its a good idea to homeschool or has anyone heard of any half day programs with an iep in school? this would be perfect as I am a single mother who works part time I could pick him up if he was half day..has anyone heard of this? and what do you all think of homeschooling????

Hi, KorinnaMaria, welcome. I'm so sorry your son is having a hard time.

As for whether or not you should homeschool, I don't know if we can answer that for you. Many people here homeschool, and many use the public schools, and still others use private school, and all of them have benefits and drawbacks. I have heard one poster here say their child was in school for a half-day, and homeschooled the remainder, but the child was older than yours, I believe. You may want to ask your school district if that is an option available to you.

It does, however, sound like the school is not holding up the IEP (I'm assuming you are in the US?) Sometimes schools forget that an IEP is a legal document, and that your child has rights. I am not at all sure the school can legally keep you out, either. Wrightslaw.com is a good place to go for legal support on IEP issues.

There are a number of posts I linked to in an index I created on homeschooling here:
Homeschooling
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4353958.html#4353958
ASD Son and home schooling http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt150335.html
Homeschooling versus public schooling http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt179267.html
Homeschool: If you could choose, would it be Gr 2-6 or 6-9? http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt141213.html
Homeschool Curriculum Question for parents, students, kids http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt179655.html
From homeschooling to college http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt648.html
HOME SCHOOLING? What time of day do you teach the lessons? http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt150488.html
homeschooling advice http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt144673.html
Aspie Mom Homeschooling Aspie & NT Kids? http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt168704.html
A vent about public schooling and homeschooling http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt178379.html
Was anyone homeschooled? How did you like it? http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt156050.html
Homeschooling your aspie teen? http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt99282.html
Homeschooling + social life = impossible? http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt126217.html
Everything you ever wanted to know about homeschooling http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt74368.html
suggest best homeschool methods for Aspie http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt146100.html
suggestions for social situations while homeschool http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt67907.html
After all this, you've got to be joking! http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt184151.html
Climbing out of the box http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt182499.html

Your son is not learning much under the current conditions. Regular school methods are not good for special needs kids. Right now, your son is mainly learning that you want him to spend a big chunk of his day in Hell--five days a week! Also, he is physically suffering, from insufficient food, and from the extreme stress caused by the cruel teasing, and adults who just don't know how to deal with special needs kids.

I wish I had been home schooled, but it never occurred to my parents. And no one in the public school system, and none of my docs or therapists ever thought of it, either. It just wasn't often considered for any child back then (I am in my early 50s, now). I had to put up with horrible, constant teasing, which sometimes got physical. The teachers and other school staff didn't take the teasing seriously. Instead of punishing the teasers, I got punished for having melt downs when I couldn't take it any more. And it wasn't just the school staff who got on my case about it--my parents did, too. They didn't like having a "problem child".

If you love your son, stop helping the system torture him! Home school him! There are a number of home schooling companies out there that can provide you with the course materials that you need to educate your own child. I think most or all of them probably have online web sites, where you can check them out. Make sure you pick one that is recognized by your state, other wise your public school system will give you a hard time about your home schooling your son. They will anyway, but if the materials you pick are allowed in your state, you should be able to keep the public school system from getting out of hand. If you still have a problem with them, get a Legal Aid attorney, or contact the home school that provides you with the materials, and ask for their help, or a referral from them to a good attorney.

Yes, I know this sounds involved, but isn't your son's physical and mental health and well being worth it? If you keep sending him to Hell 5 days a week, he will lose all interest in learning, and will become filled with hurt rage, which he will express by acting out, and he will become difficult to deal with. Is that what you want?

Please, please, have mercy on your son. Release him from Hell, and home school him!

we home school...but my son goes to the school for speech, OT and group. Today at group he came out and told me when group ended, one of the boys was crying not to be sent back to class, that he hates school, etc...my heart broke for that little boy. I am not sure what his issues are, but he gets social group on his IEP so he most likley is a spectrum kid. It kills me that school is a place where so many kids are suffering. NO CHILD should be crying not to be sent back to class. It breaks my heart...

I will be back tomorrow with the list of why we decided to homeschool, and the positive changes in my son since.

Hang in there, follow your GUT and you willl make the right decision for your child

HOME SCHOOL!! ! Public school only if there is no other viable option. Public schools are the absolute worst places, academically as well as socially. I know this first hand. When I was school age during the 50's and 60's there was no other choice. Those places crippled me in many ways. I can't think of a worse torture than to be placed in a public school.

It would seem that there are schools that have the knowledge and resources that do a lot for kids without a lot of input from parents but if the LA Times has it right, those are few and far between http://www.latimes.com/news/local/autism/la-me-autism-day-two-html,0,3900437.htmlstory. Being a single mom trying to work and raise a child you are probably at quite a disadvantage when it comes to having the time and energy to wage the battle that seems to be required to get most of our kids the services they need and are entitled to through the public school system. Homeschooling is obviously an option however that also requires an enormous amount of time and energy I think , especially to do it well. I have often thought though that homeschooling could be accomplished in less than 6 hours a day. Perhaps you could find some type of child care situation while you are at work and homeschool during the remainder of the day. Of course that is a big difference financially. If we could pay the mortgage without my full time salary, I think I would homeschool.

I was home schooled until age 8, when I decided I wanted to go to school. I was lucky to have access to an alternative school within the public system (this is in Canada). It was still a bit of hell for me, but I was there by my own choice, and that made all the difference.

I know that if your child is to be home schooled there is a lot of work to be done, but you should know that my parents did not do the kind of things that I see homeschooling parents struggling with today; like trying to follow the school curriculum for example. I was read to every day, we where exposed to many great cultures and traditions, spent lots of time outside, played with other children and where encouraged to follow our passions. This last point I think is particularly helpful and motivating for HFA/aspies, and I encourage you to look into "unschooling". The most important part of your sons education is that he learn to be a lifelong learner. What better way than to follow his passions and interests as far as he can? What better motivation could there be to get out into the world and meet new people, break routines, and travel out of the comfort zone than the chance to talk with an expert in your area of intense and unusual interest?

Best of luck

Just a reminder that home schooling one child takes no time at all. When my son is focused, we can complete ALL his work in about 90 mins. It is just you and ONE child, as opposed to a teacher and 20+ kids (where we live the class sizes are 28 kids).

You can work to his abilities, whether that be grade levels above, at grade level, below, or a mix...
You can teach to his learning styles
He has the freedom to get up, fidget, hum, tap, etc...whatever helps him get thru the work.
You can teach to his interests. We did units on classical composers, read books on them, learned classical songs on the piano, wrote letters to them, math,etc...
There are tons of homeschool groups locally, as well as online support.
There are tons of opportunities to teach social skills in real world settings (park, library, stores, friends houses, etc...)

the list can go on and on...

http://www.k12.com/

check this out. It's a virtual school. I hear from a couple of people that this is a good program. From what I understand it's free when kids are young, and you may have to pay for things in high school. I haven't looked into it extensively, but I have this in my back pocket if the private school he attends ever ceases to exist.

Good Luck! I know the heartbreak you are feeling sending your child in what I refer to as the snake pit. If my son were in public school he'd be in ED pretty quickly, and that would ruin him.

Just a caution that it might not be so easy with ADHD in the mix. I dabbled in homeschooling my 5 yo (AS and ADHD) before he was medicated, and it was exhausting, even when we'd switch between learning and physical activity every 10 min. Most days i couldn't keep him on task long enough to sound out "The cat sat." It would be better now that he is on meds and a year older.

Look into charter schools in your area. A hybrid school, where the kids can go 2,3,or 5 days a week and homeschool the remainder might be a good option for you.

Otherwise you're looking at a due process battle to enforce the IEP or get a special school placement. If the school places him in a special school, they have to provide transportation.

my son is highly distractable, but still at home we can get done quick. I have instant gratification rewards that he cares about, like his iPad or DS if necessary. Most of the time if I am working 1:1 with him, he is fine.

He is actually being observed over the next few months for possible ADHD as well. I am recording the issues and his psychiatrist is making note of it. There are MUCH less distractions in our home, then in a class of 28. I can give him the constant redirection and help because I am only teaching him. When he needs to get up, we make a game of it. I put his spelling words on index cards and scatter them, he has to spell out the word and then hy can jump on the work, or we play hide and seek for him to find it, etc...they cant do that in school! We have so many physical activities that we can useto teach, Even doing a worksheet...complete 1-5 then get up, do 5 push ups, 10 jumping jacks, then come back and do 6-10. then jump 10x on the trrampoilne, etc...sounds like it takes a long time, but it is about 30 seconds extra for each exercise and it gets the energy out enough for him to focus on those REALLY hard days. Mostly he is fine with just verbal redirections, but some days we need the heavy movement! Switch it up as needed, the beauty of homeschooling!

Please remember, that any challenges your child faces with you at home in a 1:1 setting, he would face in the classroom with 30 other children. So, while it isn't easy with a D HD in the next, school doesn't have a magic wand to fix it.

After many years of frustration meltdowns anxiety crying, we have decided to homeschool. I wish I had made this decision sooner before so much damage and trauma have been caused to my poor little boy. School is not easy, and we do have those challenges specifically ADHD. However, the worst day homeschooling is still better than the best day at school.

It doesn't take six hours per day. You also don't need to replicate school at home. In fact, that doesn't work well for us at all. We have had to find our own rhythm, and figure out what works for us. It doesn't look like school. The K –12 program is very structured and may not be suitable for all of our kids. I would want to closely look into that and decide if I was looking for school like structure at home.

I go to a really good forum at WWW.secularhomeschool.com, which has been really helpful to me. Many of the other resources out on the Internet are very religious which is not my issue.

Good luck!

If my parents kept me in public school, I would have commited sucide by the time I was in sixth or seventh grade. I have flashbacks from the expirences I did have in public school that are so bad, I often consider sucide.

I am so glad that your parents took you out of school, and that you are here today to offer help and wisdom to others! YOUR input is greatly appreciated. Stick around, we need more people like you And my son loves your Avatar...he is a HUGE Sonic fan

I just want to interject here: a lot of posters on this forum are very passionate about homeschooling, and have found it works well for their family and their kids. I, personally, haven't tried it, and haven't ruled it out - but I think it's a very personal choice and should be thought through very carefully. I really liked the top link of the links I posted, because it gives a good breakdown of the whole process.

That being said, we're in an inclusion classroom and are doing pretty well there. Yes, we've had some minor skirmishes with our district to get my son's needs met - but once I realized that *I* needed to figure out what his needs were and bring the accommodations to the table (with the aid of a professional,) things went a lot smoother. I also figured out ways to hold them accountable: figuring out the law in my state requires education to include socialization and organizational skills (search "autism" in your state's board of education site.) Bringing an advocate with me to an IEP meeting was really helpful, since I'm typically either really, really angry or a crying puddle of goo.

Second, I'm learning that whatever supports he has need to have accountability built into them. DS needs someone to go over his assignment book - we wrote that into his IEP, and it's clearly not happening. I am going to ask the IEP to be altered to say that teachers have to initial his assignment notebook.

All that to say it's possible in some cases to make it work. It isn't necessarily less work for YOU, but I think my son is happier in school than he would be at home, and it gives me some time to catch my breath, do my own thing, and gather my resources so I'm a better parent to him when we're together.

Let me just add....

The only thing I am passionate about with respect to homeschooling...... is that it is possible. I didn't believe that for years.

With my own story, I waited too long before pulling DS out, and he was damaged as a result. I want to make sure others have that information. I'm not sure we are homeschooling for the long haul, but I am sure that I will no longer accept my child being in such misery. If my son could happily learn in school, we would totally go that route!

That said, if your child is in a tough spot and not doing well, homeschooling is far less stressful even for the parentst. I think it's much harder than if you have an NT kid in school doing average or better. But, HSing is way easier for me than the nightmare our lives had become.