Aspie lovin' NT

Post Reply New Topic

So 6 months after our 5-year marriage imploded, we figured out that my husband is Aspergian. I always suspected he was an alien because he was just too perfect. Now, I understand that he was trying so hard to be just that. What he didn't realize (nor did I) was the cost of that perfection. He finally just broke. It was so hard...for both us. But out of the ashes rises the Phoenix. He's still rising...reborn into his true Aspergian self. We are both learning so much about ourselves and our relationship...many thanks in part to this Wrong Planet community.
Tonight we were discussing "what if"...what if we had known from the beginning. Would I have moved in...would he have asked me to move in? Would I have fallen so head over heels? What if?
At this point, these ponderings are meaningless. And the truth is, probably not. It probably would have seemed too difficult...I probably would just have kept on walking. But now I realize that he is the same perfect man...just without some of the lovely fluff. And the thought that I might have missed out on knowing him because of judging him too difficult or just being afraid of what it a relationship w/ an Aspy might entail...well, it just breaks my heart. So, I guess it is better that we didn't know then. But now, it is a blessing to know. Now we can have an even more honest and stronger relationship.
I have a lot of questions yet. I hope I can find some answers here on the wrong planet. Thanks for letting me visit!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP!

Welkome to WP

Mick

Hello.

Welcome to WP, and good luck on your journey of understanding Aspergers (:

My boyfriend diagnosed me with AS, actually about a month after I moved to his Country, but I'm glad that he's accepted my differences so well (: I asked him the other day if he would have loved me all the same had we both known from the start, and it made me happy to know he still would have ^__^ It's nice when you find someone who can understand and put up with AS issues

Welcome to WP.

Thank you for your welcome and well wishes. I am happy to hear that your boyfriend did not ditch you after you upheaved yourself to move to his country! That would have been sh***y.

But here's the thing, I want to say...and need to explore more. Yes, Aspie traits can be frustrating or annoying to NT's...but probably not more so than NT traits are frustrating for AS. I think it is problematic that my husband and probably other Aspies have been made to feel that THEY are the bad ones, the difficult ones, the wrong ones. This is a form of internalized oppression.

Here's the title of an essay I will write someday..."The Tyranny of Normal"...I wonder if we can all be set free from the oppressive forces of society that infiltrate our very being so that we don't even recognize it. I think this is a potential gift of Aspie-ness...getting rid of the "shoulds" that we are socialized to without question. This is something I have been learning from my husband. Ha! Just thought of the title of my follow up essay "Liberation from Normal"

Well, that was a fun little tirade. I wonder what ya'll think.

It took me a very long time to realize that, kudos to you and your husband. When you're trying to play normal for so long, it really shuts you off from people you can connect with.

But then, if you don't "play normal" doesn't that also make it hard for people to connect with you? It is a double edged sword?

Most definitely. I've just been learning that recently.

Welcome to WP. Sorry I can't read and respond to your post properly as I'm on holiday.`

Hope you like it here.