Stunned and amazed - just figuring out what it is about me..

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Hi. I wonder if there is anyone out htere in a similar situation who can help me. I am a 54-year-old woman. I am certain that I have Asperger syndrome. I first heard of it when someone was discussing her stepson's diagnosis. I WAS that kid. I have done some reading, and it explains so many things I always thought were just weird about me. My husband of 18 years left me in 2003. When he did, he left a whole long list of horrible, thoughtless selfish things he swore I had done to him. I tohught he was making it all up. Now I am in a very wonderful relationship, am and getting hints of the same types of things. Things he saysd I have done or not done, that break my heart. I don't want to screw this one up, too. I have tried to tell him twice that I think this is the way my brain works, but he dismisses it and thinks I am "normal". If I am normal, I must be the biggest a**hole on the planet. Help me. How do I get him to consider it? Do I need a formal diagnosis? I have gotten really, really good at being whatever the person I am with needs me to be.

I am also in my early 50s. I found out about classic autism about 20 or 30 years ago through docudrama on TV. It was just a story to me as it didn't fit my situation. Less than 10 years ago I came across info on Asperger's Sydrome, and it was like fire works going off in my brain, because most of what was described fit me. I came across more info over the next few years, and each time I saw myself in what I read. I finally started researching it in more depth, and took an online test, which confirmed what I already knew. I have Asperger's Syndrome. It was such a relief to finally know what was wrong with me. I don't feel the need for a formal diagnosis, as it won't make any difference in my life, but your situation is different. Getting a diagnosis and more info from a doctor about Asperger's can help in your dealings with your boyfriend. The diagnosis will show him that you really do have a reason for the way you are, and you can share the info from the doctor with him to help both of you understand the condition better.

I sense in your post that, like me, you also got relief from knowing what was wrong with you. It is like black clouds being blown away. Knowing is not a cure, but not knowing, and thinking I was some kind of freak, was horrible. We are not freaks. We suffer from the disorder known as Asperger's Syndrome. It is a neurological disorder that can express itself in many different ways, in different people, which is why it took the psycho-medical establishment so long to recognize this disorder.

Good luck with your diagnosis, and with your boyfriend. And, welcome to Wrong Planet. Check out the different forums. They have a lot of info, and can be very helpful. And remember, you are among friends here.

I don't have much to offer you, but I will say this: if you've done your research into Asperger Syndrome and now believe you have it, then getting a professional diagnosis may be the best course of action. When most people think of anything Autism-related, they think of the most extreme cases so often displayed in media; however, many people with Asperger Syndrome are largely (or entirely) independent, and are capable of learning how to live with all the quirks of mild Autism. Getting a professional evaluation will at least dismiss any assumptions that you're "normal" just because you look "normal".

Welcome to the Right Planet!

Thank you all for your replies. For now, I think I will find out what I can and try to work out some ways to help myself. Maybe the first step is knowing that other people don't all think the same way as me, and that I may be giving them the impression that I don't care about them. I feel so overwhelmed by all of this.

Welcome! I'm 40 and just beginning the process of getting diagnosed.

I was lucky enough to find a therapist in my area who specializes is autism and Asperger's, and also offers psychological testing services. Normally these services cost around $3000, but she told me that for adults who simply want answers, it's not necessary to go through the whole barrage of tests, and that a few visits with a skilled therapist should be enough to make a determination.

So that's what I'm about to go through myself - I would recommend looking for a therapist in your area who is specifically knowledgeable about Asperger's. (The last general-purpose therapist I went to see really was not helpful in answering my questions about this issue, and simply didn't want to even consider it.)

I'm sorry it's made things difficult in your relationships. I'm recently separated from my husband of 14 years, and I'm lucky that he fully understands and believes that I have AS... But in my case it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't want to be married to an Aspie. (And our specific problems really do come down to that, unfortunately!)

I hope that your current partner will come around, and be more understanding about this. I have a couple of friends right now who don't want to believe that I might have AS, and like you said, for whatever reason they want to believe that I'm 'normal', and that there is no reason or explanation for my problems... I don't quite understand that point of view - it's definitely frustrating!

Anyway, welcome & it's nice to meet you

Welkome to WP

Mick

Welcome to WP.
Enjoy yourself on this site!