Anger

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I carry around a seething anger just under the surface. Every once and a while I have a meltdown and It all comes blasting out. I actually see red. I feel like all my life I have tried really hard to fit in a world I do not understand. When I feel that people are beginning to take advantage of me or play head trips on me I can feel the anger well up inside of me. I have tried to develop a non threatening pleasant facade that I wear at work. But eventually, someone will begin to bait me. Try to get a reaction from me...( excuse the analogy, but sort of like poking a little wild animal with a stick) Anyway, eventually I take the bait and things usually deterioates after that. I have a new job and I am determined not to have that happen again. Does anyone else feel this way?

I see this a lot at work. My co-worker loves to bait the engineer because it is easy to get him upset. He doesn't come after me because I learned a long time ago to defend myself by dishing it back at the person dishing it out. The response doesn't even have to be well executed. All that is important is to establish that you won't be an easy target.

I've noticed the same thing. My anger is not my issue but more the result of everything around me. Alone, I am happy, with people like me, I am happy. With people who are not like me, my frustration rises.

Work is the only environment where I feel this way.It isnt from anyone "doing" any thing to me,its dealing with laziness,rudeness to clients,clients screaming.I just try and walk away and suppress my anger by going outside to smoke.I wish I had a better way to deal with it but havent figured out one.
It does help to come on here and "complain about the insanity" ,telling my boss just makes her dislike me(but I do,anyway). my boyfriend gets an earful.Nothing helps when I am "seeing red".

I am also an exrtemly angry person (ask anyone on aff chat)

Everyone thinks im sooooo happy and sooooo bubbly. Im not really. When something doesnt go my way... I cant even describe..... One time i got so agry I threw up and my stomach burned the rest of the day. I dont look angry when im angry though, it just feels.

When i get angry i have a humungous urge to stab someone, litteraly i want to put a screw driver or something through their back and kill them. But I do nothing on this pain, i just let in sizzle throughout my body. And everytime this happens it gets more powerful, which scares me.

I'm hardly ever angry.

This problem as you know, is common with people that have AS.

The thing I am suggesting may seem contrary to sturdy reasoning, but consider my meditations I have posted on these forums. They are meant specifically to deal with anger/anxiety/passion. Emotions become too strong eventually, and there comes a time when we have to let them all go.

Korinarr - (name modeled after the brothering technique found in Star Trek.)

Korinarr is the technique by which an Aspie is finally purged of all emotions that hinder logic; these hindering emotions are as follows:

*LOVE - compassion, passion, empathy, lust

*ANGER - rage, fury, irretibility, frustration

*FEAR - nervousness, anxiety

*SADNESS - dispair, hopelessness, grief

*HAPPINESS - humor, joy, elation



Purging emotion does not mean never having it again. To empty a glass of water, one has to tip it over and dump it out, just like one must 'dump out' the old emotion and clean the glass.

Korinarr is not for all Aspies: indeed, many will despise its premise and attempt to annhialate its concepts by using emotionally-driven argument: logical argument cannot be held against it, because Korinarr is in fact the paramount to logic. They are one in the same.

Mastered Korinarr means feeling emotions voluntarily, rarely, and never permanently. It means that logic is the only permanent resident in the Aspie's mentality.

* * *

The ritual of Korinarr can last one day to one month, depending on the person in question. The technique centers around focusing all willpower on a visual point --- hold your hands together --- clasp all fingers beside one another, except for your index fingers, which should point straight up and perfectly verticle.

Concentrate (slip into hyperfocus) on the area 2 centimeters above the erect index fingers. Clear your mind like a pure crystal is clear of blemish. If thoughts not pertaining to Korinarr occur, do not hold onto them, and let them go as quickly as they came.

* Continueing to concentrate until the mind is clear enough to not create distraction, begin to visualize a small sphere of red energy; fill the area above the index fingers until the sphere is approximatly the size of a small marble. The sphere should not make direct contact with the index fingers.

* Concentrate on the red sphere of energy. Reach deep inside of your soul (kantra) using conscious effort to bring forth all of the emotions that you have blocked out in your life.

* Pour these emotions inside the sphere; imagine the emotions going from your left chest and head, up your arms, hands, index fingers, and then into the sphere.

* Visualize the sphere begin to pulsate with the energy of your emotions. Let the sphere keep shining brightly; do not discontinue hyperfocus.

* So that it registers with both the conscious and subconscious mind, repeat the following affirmations just above a whisper:

"I am not the sphere's effect."

"I am not the effect of the sphere's contents."

"I am the cause for the sphere."

"I am the cause for the sphere's contents."

"I am not the effect of emotions."

"I am not emotion's slave."

"I am the master. I am the cause."

* Now, let the sphere grow larger, and then in a flash of bright light, make it explode.

* Take a few deep breathes and take a break. Repeat procedure again at a later time.

Emotions afterward, if Korinarr is really acheived, are imperpetual and never held or claimed.

So if someone asks you: "Are you angry?" (or some other question pertaining to your emotional status,) Just say: "I do not believe I am capable of that emotion."

(Live Long and Prosper, my fellow Aspies! Please post feedback.)

I have found that with my anger (which used to be so often it scared me), it only hinged on other people. As mentioned in the above posts, it sometimes starts with conflicts with others, but also it relied on other people being around for it to continue. Almost like they had to take a piece of my anger from me. Whenever I was alone it just blew over. For a time it almost felt good to release the rage, if anyone was around I actively went to start conflict with them because of how I felt.... someone had to take it from me. But with this knowledge, I do a lot better now, I just distance myself from everyone when I start to get angry. I know sometimes this just isn't possible to do (like at work maybe) but it's a process and anything you can do to make it a little better certainly helps

-Austin

I find that if I'm angry, it paradoxically gets worse if people try to make it better. It's like they don't realise that leaving me alone to let it all boil away is a far better course of action than trying to get a smile out of me before I'm ready to do so.

I can't fault them for being concerned for me, I suppose, but it does get a little wearing when it all erupts - which fortunately isn't often, but still too frequently for my liking.

I should count my blessings, though, I guess - my brother has terrible and persistent temper issues over very minor things, whereas mine are usually stress-related.

I've had a lot of repressed anger, and it is extremely unhealthy.

Your emotions will exist regardless of how much they are suppressed. Attempting to force all your anger to the back of your mind, beneath your conscious perception of it will allow it to fester, build, and wreak havoc on your physical and emotional wellbeing.

I've head about the "garbage can" metaphor, where all emotions that are not appropriately expressed go into a "garbage can"... which works fine for a while as it fills up. But eventually, you can't store anymore, and it begins to leak out.

This can happen in a number of ways:
1. Depression, as you turn your anger toward yourself.
2. Rages/meltdowns, as months if not years of anger builds up and comes out in a massive rush
3. Physical illness. I started repressing my anger at an early age, and had horrible health growing up
4. Irrational thoughts and actions. Also known as sideways expression, and "losing your mind".

All of this can be horrible to go through. If you allow your anger to build, some if not all of this will happen.

Since you can't yell at your boss/coworkers for every little thing, you'll need to find some way of getting it out. It's important to become aware of when you are angry, and allow yourself to feel the emotion fully and deeply. Without recognition as it occurs, it is far too easy to suppress it.

Additionally, you need to find ways of releasing this anger. So, something doesn't go right at work, and you're angry. You have a lot of energy needing expending as a result. Physical activities, such as running, can release a lot of this energy. Vocal expression can help (this can be expressed sideways in environments where loud vocalism is expected, like concerts/parties, or in places where no one can year you). Writing about it can also help immensely.

The more of your previously-accumulated anger that you release, the less new irritants will affect you. As prior-anger begins to subside you should be more able to appropriately express new sources as they occur. Did a Co-worker treat you like crap? Let him hear about it.

The more suppressed rage you have, the more difficult it is to not have your responses be overwhelming (you DO NOT want to have your expression be in the form of yelling or a meltdown).


Feeling your anger, and feeling it deeply is the only way you can be truly free from it. There's a reason why people dislike "nice guys": by holding back their anger, they are building it up, and no one can do it indefinitely. Sooner or later, it will come out, and if it comes out in the wrong way...

You've lost your job, your marriage, or your friends.

...and you can't let that happen.

gsilver,

What is your opinion of the way I presented?

I have heard some theories about how to release the accumulation, some of which is similar to your method. It was from a licensed professional that recommended release via meditation, with the actual meditation being similar to what you described.



What I think is wrong about the method is the continued denial of these emotions. Regardless of how the accumulation is handled, I do not believe that it is humanly possible to simply prevent emotions from existing, so I think that the later parts of your method are setting the practitioner up for another period of repression and accumulation.

That may present a problem, yes. However, if a person doing that meditation (Korinarr,) commands themselves to take it seriously, I believe that the emotions really will explode outside of the body... therefore setting the person free from those specific emotions for the time.

For example: the exiting of the energy through the fingers, into the sphere. The way I see it, if the paradigm/perception is done correctly, the energy will go into the sphere, and the sphere itself will destroy the emotions, so they don't have to be bottled up.

You do present a great argument against Korinarr. Nothing can topple your criticism, but at the same time, the possible result you presented (the emotions actually going back inside to be stored/accumulated,) should only happen to the elect few who miss the mindset it takes to acheive that state. Perception is truly reality; if that all makes any sense.

What I need to do, is start studying the different viewpoints on meditation. You did say you ran across a similar one to mine, and I hopefully will run across those similar ones so I can maybe get inspiration to expand on Korinarr; subtract where need me, add where need be, and elaborate on less clear instructions.

That makes sense to me, Steve. I take martial arts and we do a meditation-type ritual at the beginning and end of each practice session.

You can't let anger build up, but you also cannot take it out on someone else. This is clearly wrong. Although blocking out many emotions through some form of meditation works for some people, it will not work for everyone. It is best if these people find constructive ways to deal with their emotions.

If you are angry and cannot deal with it, try exercising. Go for a run or a swim or a solo bike. Exercise will allow you to concentrate on something other than anger. Or do something artistic. If you are so emotionally involved, this can be a great advantage to artwork or writing. In personal experience, I have found that the pieces I write are best when my emotional state is existing and that I am not in the state of mind to control my emotions (like I usually am).

If your anger is a really big problem and you cannot control it on your own, talk to someone who you trust about it. Sometimes, having someone who will listen to you rant without condemning you can make a huge difference.

77 percent of the time I feel angry. So I'm a pretty angry person, although I don't really describe myself that way, since my anger is more inside than on the outside. But when I think about it, I find I'm always feeling annoyed, frustrated, and worried often. It's sort of controlling my life, because I've always wanted to work where I'm dealing with public......now I'm suddenly not so sure. I'm just frightened my anger is getting worse by the year, because I never, ever used to get angry like this. I just hope in another 5 years time my anger doesn't increase to a point where I start involuntary lashing out at people in public, because I don't want to end up in a mental hospital. I shall say that again - I DON'T WANT TO END UP IN A MENTAL HOPSITAL!! !! !! !
Otherwise that would be the beginning of the end for me.