Probably going to kill myself eventually

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Its been so long since i've felt happy that i've forgotten what it feels like. The only time i've felt happy is probably when i was 4 or 5. Then my dad had his accident, he was putting trusses on a roof when one came loose and knocked him off. He ended up paralyzed from the waist down and i've had to take care of him. Either me or my Mom have to go with him when he needs to go somewhere. I think his accident is when my aspergers started to kick in. I never had many friends growing and i've never had the courage to ask a girl on a date. There was one girl i was friends with that asked if i wanted her to be my girlfriend. I liked her and said yes but i still didn't have the courage to ask her out so she broke it off eventually.

My mother could tell i was depressed but the doctors kept saying no he's not depressed, he's not depressed, he's not depressed. It wasn't until i turned eighteen that a doctor after talking to me for only 5 minutes figured out i have aspergers. I tried to kill myself once before because i couldn't stand being alone anymore. I ended up in the hospital where i had to stay for 3 days. After that i started seeing the doctor that diagnosed me with aspergers. He gave me some medicine but it didn't help and after awile he basically told me there was nothing he could do.

I don't want to be alone, i want a wife and kids but it seems unlikely that i'll ever even have a girlfriend. The chance of me being in a succesful relationship is so ridicoulisly low that theres no point in hoping that it will ever happen. I can't live like this, knowing that i'll always be alone. I don't really want to kill myself but it seems to be the only way out. I know my family will be upset but they'll get over it and to be honest i stopped caring a long time ago. The only thing left for me is to work up the courage to kill myself.

Got to get out of your situation. I'm sure you love you're dad, but you love for your dad is causing you to hate everything else, or at least, caused to you to be blind to the value in anything. Whether you kill yourself or leave, your dad is going to be alone either way, so why not pick up and leave?

my dad had AS and married and had four kids. i have AS and am married. don't give up. if you are the kind of person who would care for a crippled dad, you would be attractive to many people.

I care for my dad because its expected of me and i have a hard time saying no, but i don't actually like him at all. And as for leaving and getting my own place that would require me to get a job which means less time to distract myself from my boring life and i would still be alone.

And maybe time to get a new doctor. Kind of like you're an NFL head coach and the doctor's the quarterback. Doesn't mean you need to fire him for all time, but probably is time to sit him on the bench and go with someone else.

Now, Asperger's itself is just how your mind is wired up. Truly is a case of different, not better, not worse.

Now, depression, as I have read, the way the game is played---and won---is to be willing to try a series of antidepressants and ride with the one that works. For example, something like Zoloft, works great for some people, doesn't do a damn thing for others, it's just that everyone's biochem is a little different. And no a doctor in the world can predict in advance. Now, that last part is actually a little liberatoring. No reason to go to a high-powered psychiatrist. A general practitioner is just as good.

In fact, since it's not about theoretical brilliance, but more about light touch and ability to shift gears, there are advantages to a g.p., who these days is likely to be called an internist or family pracitioner.

Typically takes a month to tell if the medication is working.

Also, sometimes important to step down from the anti-depressant in stages even if it doesn't seem to be working.

I might have tried Prozac at age 26 if the doctor I was seeing at the time was not so pigheaded about the whole thing. I myself have not had great luck with so-called mental health professionals. Other people here at Wrong Planet have. So, that's a be reason why I recommend general practitioners, hopefully a guy or gal who has a little bit of horse sense. Other people might have a different view.

Is there any way for you to get extra help for your dad, that could let you have a break from the situation ? Maybe having some time for yourself might make it easier for you to meet someone.

I would say that caring for your dad despite you not wanting to and only doing it because you feel you have to still comes across as caring and responsible, as in my experience not many people would, and as cathylynn said would make you attractive.

Sorry,if I've misunderstood what you're saying and hope this helps.

PLEASE DONT KILL YOURSELF!! ! I have attemted to kill myself 4 times and have not succeded, and have died once because of a heart failer which was the result of an accidental overdose on morning meds. So I know GOD has a plan for me in this life if the EMT's were able to get my heart started after 20 minutes of it not beating and I have not managed to kill myself. If you were to kill yourself, you would kill your dads spirit, and love of life, because he will have lost you! Even though times right now may seem hopless, they DO eventually work out in the end! Trust me on this!! ! The whole world would miss you if you were to "end it"!

Whether you kill yourself or not, in a hundred years you'll be dead anyways, so what do you have to lose by living? You might as well live! Step out into to the world, get a sunburn, do some work, read some books, and learn to live. Life is short, but is full of many chapters. There's no telling what's out there, whose out there, waiting for you to find them. But you won't find them at home. So I say get out there and live. There's plenty of time to die after you're dead, but there's only right now to be alive. Live, just do it.

AardvarkGoodSwimmer
that won't help because there is no medicine that can cure lonelyness

lotr_addict
my dad isn't the problem, i have more than enough time on my hands i'm just not able to go out and meet people.

loveguys2012
Why shouldn't i kill myself? I'm pretty sure there is no god, there's no meaning to life and if i can't be happy there is no reason to live. i don't really care what happens to my family after i'm dead

cazoy, if there was no God I would not have come back from "the dead". The Paddles that the EMTs' used on me would not have worked and I would still be dead today!! ! I had been dead for 20 whole minutes. There is a meaning to life....my meaning to life is to laugh, love, learn, and teach others! What do you like to do on a daily baisis?? I know your dad loves you, and your mom!! ! They would be devestated if you were to "end it" I would be deviestated if you killed your self!! I love all human life, even if I dont' know the human...Please reconsider!! !! and if you still feel like there is still no option but to kill your self, then please either call a suicide hotline, or get some help from someone you know and trust!! !!

loveguys2012
i won't try to convince you there is no god and no meaning to life, your free to believe whatever you like. As for my parents i've said it before i don't care what they feel when i'm dead. i literally do not care. and as for getting help that seems to be everyones answer to suicide, well i've tried that and there is nothing anyone can do to help, i'm always going to be alone

cazoy, do you like to exercise? ride your bike, play professional frissbee, swim, play tennis, vollyball.....anything that involves geting outside and being very active? when I was really really depressed, I found that getting outside and active helps release endorphines in the brain that causing you to feel that way you have been. Also being outside on a beautiful day like today lifts up our mood.

Do you want a list?



True, there is no telling, but sometimes you can predict with 99.999% certainty.

But other times, life can get better. I am happy to report that for most people life can get better (based on may years of observing depressed people), so for most people it is worth a try.

There is a zen turnaround, say in which you write three methods to matter-of-factly turn down a woman, and then three methods to make a play when you are interested, and kind of ping-pong it back and forth in this fashion.

I guess the three classic methods of meeting women are money, music, and sports. To this, I would probably add politics. The trick is of course that it has to be something you're interested in anyway.

And someone on the Internet once made the case that meeting people in general and especially platonic female friends is a great preliminary step to being introduced to potential romantic partners.

[quote="cazoy"]I care for my dad because its expected of me and i have a hard time saying no, but i don't actually like him at all. And as for leaving and getting my own place that would require me to get a job which means less time to distract myself from my boring life and i would still be alone.[quote]

Cazoy, what are your interests? You must have liked some subject while you were going through school. Think it over, because almost every job that exists has skills that stem from a subject that you can take in school. For example, if you like computers, then you could be a programmer or a web designer.

And the part of your post that I put in bold is just not true. I've had a job, and I know that unless you intend to have a job that is along the lines of a lighthouse keeper, there will be other people in your workplace! There will be other people who you can make into your friends! You'd see them everyday and have all kinds of chances to enjoy yourself.

In short, employment is not your enemy. In fact, it could be a great way to get out of the emotional stalemate you're stuck in. Why not try it? It could be a great first step.

Crazy, you are clearly depressed. The only thing stopping you from suicide is the energy. If you had a wife right now, you still might be depressed, you said you don't care about your parents, your future wife is going to be a part of your life in much the same way that your parents are.

Aardvarkgoodswimmer made a really good point about trying an antidepressant. I take Zoloft, and it changed me from not wanting to get out of bed to being interested in doing stuff again. Aharon made a good point too about stepping out of your comfort zone and living a little, you're not the same person before a 12 mile hike that you are afterwards.