Love and signals, im so confused.

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Hi there WP
I am a 21 boy with a asperger and a ADHD (low arousal) diagnose. I feel that i am a person who contain quite a lot of love but i haven't got anyone i can share it with. I have been in 2 relationships yet both of them were started by the girl and they lasted for about 2-3 months so i haven't really tried anything except for kisses and holding hands.
Okay so there you have a small introduction of me and my relationships
For quite some time (since my last relationship which was about 3 years ago) i have craved for someone to hold and kiss and love but i am insanely bad at reading 'love signals', i have a lot of friends including girls, in fact i tend to like girl friends more than boys (i like to talk about feelings and give help or receive help about personal subjects) so i can read signals like if a person is sad or angry and i am quite good at putting myself in another persons place.
Maybe its because nobody ever sent me 'love signals' that i don't know what to look for. And now you might wonder why i don't just ask the person.. Well the problem is i can't even read my own 'love signals'. I simply cannot tell that i feel something more for a person than friendship.

There are 2 girls in my life where i think to myself "i would love to cuddle/hug/kiss/talk with/to that person because that person is simply fantastic and funny (and so on )" but is that the love signals im looking for? Or am i perhaps just in the situation where i will go for whoever is fantastic and funny because i am desperate?
I get frustrated when i think of them and tell myself to stop thinking about them because i don't know what im feeling and i kinda just wanna run away from love because love is just so hard to understand
And then if i think to myself it in fact is love then i would wait for signals from the person so that i don't destroy our friendship but then there's the problem.. I don't know what signals to look for..
So the hiddenish question is: In what form does 'love signals' appear? Both from the girl and what i think of the girl.

Thank you so much for reading my post

Hugs and kisses from a confused Hapse


ps. Sorry about the whole "no grammar mode" but i just think its so overkill/waste of time to do grammar when its not for a school assignment
pss. Sorry if i repeated myself too much, its so rare i write something thats more than 30 words :p

I've been married for 17 years, and though I love my wife, I can't say with certainty that it's the kind of love other people feel. What I can say is that I'm deeply committed to her no matter what we might be going through, and love her genius, her humor, her passionate personality, and her ability to appreciate me. Initially there was a lot of intense emotion, this may have been infatuation or lust, but the intensity either subsides, or one becomes accustomed to it, even to the point of taking it for granted if one is not careful.

Anyway my point is, don't focus on your feelings. They can leave you as fast as they came. Instead look for a companion that is both pleasing and compatible. Falling for a crack head prostitute because you like her, for example, may not be a good match. In the same way, finding someone who meets all your expectations except for that high squeaky voice that makes you want to yank off your own head and toss it out the window, may not be a good match either, shallow as it may seem.

Seriously though, make a list of twenty things your looking for in a mate and twenty negatives. If a candidate meets more positives than negatives, and you could accept those negatives, give it a try. If you cant come up with twenty of each, try ten each. If you can't do ten each, you're not ready.

Reading signs is nearly always difficult for Aspies.

There are lots of guides to flirting on the Web, like this one:

http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html

It's basically about how to do those things yourself, but it's really just a list of signs.

Signs I've seen are: smiling and looking at me a lot, seeming like I'm bringing them to life somehow, approaching me a lot, fidgeting, sitting close to me, talking to me a lot, dropping hints like "I'd like to go to that show but I don't want to go alone," and just generally communicating with me on a deeper level than seems usual. For me, it's more a question of "are we getting close?" than "how many adult sexual moves can I spot?" I've known relationships which have started without any of those "adult sexual moves".......we've simply become friends and taken more and more of an interest in each other, spent more time together, shared mutual interests, shown loyalty to each other.....just like a good platonic friendship really, but when it's a boy and a girl, in my experience it's hardly ever platonic, even though nobody ever seems to mention that before the relationship begins.

If I'm wondering about what signs women are giving me, mostly I ask myself "does she seem interested in me?" I ask myself how much attention she's been giving me - does she give me more attention than she seems to give other guys? Does she give me more attention than other people usually give to me? If the attention is mostly positive, then it's likely that she's interested in me, and if there are no particular reasons why we shouldn't have a relationship, she's probably interested in a relationship with me.

You can never be sure. Interest doesn't mean it's a dead cert. It just means she's considering it.

Actually, one other thing you can do, apart from quietly reading the signs, is to see what happens if you approach her.......not a full-on invasion, but just a little thing like texting her, phoning her, showing your own interest in a "light touch" kind of way, always ready to back off but still unashamed about liking the lady, not being afraid to put out a few feelers. If she makes you feel welcome when you approach her, that's a good sign......just don't forget that people have polite ways of getting rid of people they don't want to get involved with, and that those ways might look like they're still interested, if we take them too literally. And she might change her mind about you at any time.

Usually it scares me silly to approach anybody I'm feeling amorous about, but I like to push myself a bit. It's probably scary because it's likely to speed things up......if she's not interested, then I'll probably find out faster (she will have to blow me off), but if she's not interested, why spend weeks nursing a crush when I can just find out how she feels about me and move on? Just being bold enough to approach her a bit more often than normal is very likely to make her more interested in me. People usually like people who show a bit of strength, as long as it's not reckless. And I'm taking some control over the situation instead of sitting back observing and hoping she'll make it really easy for me.

I think what often happens is that we feel very strongly about girls we don't really know that well. We're supposed to be confident and keep a sense of proportion, but we get embarrassed about how strongly we feel, and that one girl seems to become the only possible answer to all our problems, when we have barely looked at her personality and how it matches what we want. We sell ourselves short when we do that.

I tend to think that if she makes a good friend, and looks decently feminine, and she's not too far away, there's no reason for me not to try out a relationship should she desire!

In the final few days of the one relationship I have had, I did have a mismatch between feelings and thoughts about her. She did nothing wrong, I thought I should still love her, and I still wasn't 100% sure what love was even supposed to be... but when I confessed that I no longer FELT in love with her, even though I THOUGHT I should still be... well, that's when she decided it would probably be better if we broke up. She was heartbroken, but I would have only broken her heart worse later if I'd hung on.

I realized a few days later that the bad feelings were misgivings about the extreme distance. It was probably a bad idea to plan to pay thousands of dollars just to see her for a week or two!!

So now I have to search more locally... and probably wait a bit longer before asking for a relationship too.

I figure once I find woman I like I will tell here "I am a moron when it comes to relationships so if I am not getting a hint feel free to whack me upside the head."

I have been in a couple relationships now and looking back I notice the hints but at the time I was completely oblivious. Even had one of them almost flat out tell me to kiss her and I never did.

Yeah I also figure if the person I am interested in can't accept that I won't get every hint and that I might be that grand a social interactions then they are not the person for me.

I love how I talked about this yesterday and now I found someone that I want to ask out and she seems to like me. It was kind of obvious when she asked "What do you think about dating in a work place." Okay those hints I think I get. (Yes she is a co-worker.)