"Friends with benefits" is nonsense.

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I think "friends with benefits" or "sex-buddies" is total hogwash as a concept. It's emotionally immature. Here's why.

Sex is one of the most emotionally charged of human activities - it's an emotional reality as old as time. Pretending it isn't, is not healthy emotionally. There is this whole "recreational sex"phenomenon happening with the advent of contraception, and partially from the whole "casual sex" attitude we now see on TV and in movies.

It's often one of those things that a guy persuades a girl into - sometimes making her think it's an OK idea - either by exploiting her desire not to be lonely, or her initial desire to be with him. Several women I know seem to have found themselves in such a 'relationship' not of their own accord - a crush turning into passive sex when the guy wants to keep his options open. Half the time it seems the guy is a proto-womanizing douchebag to boot - someone who will pretend to like a girl and maintain constant contact just to keep her warm to the idea. One of my brother's friends does this actively - keeps several women on the line by communicating with them every day just to have access to sex later. I think it's despicable. I've also known known two women who found themselves with guys who became self-esteem vampires, just to keep these women around for sex. The women who participate, usually will regret it, especially when the guy sleeps with other people (which always happens).

It's also a term for "throw-away friend" - eventually one of the people in the 'benefits' scenario will meet someone different who they like, and who wants more. That new person will likely be turned off if you keep your previous "friend with benefits" around or in constant contact - this is why so many people in these scenarios won't remain friends in the end. You don't want to drag that kind of baggage into any new relationship. So, 'friend with benefits' is essentially a disposable person in your life.

It cheapens the meaning of the word "friend" because these relationships often become contingent on sustaining intercourse. Most people I know in these scenarios actually had little in common to begin with. This person is not a 'friend' in the true sense. They are a sexual companion. A friend is someone who respects you, who offers you emotional honesty, and who you can be vulnerable around. I don't think true friends can have emotionally disconnected sex.

People who do "friends with benefits" try to pass it off as a 'mature' sort of relationship. It isn't. It's emotionally empty., based purely on physical sensation. It desensitizes a person to the emotional significance of sexual contact.

That's my take on it. I don't know what else. It's just something I've been thinking.

all that can be true and still it can be a damn lot of fun to be friends with benefits with someone.

Fun it may be. But the lengthy list of consequences that can result makes me question the intelligence, or sanity, of anyone who thinks its worth the risk.

Have you ever been in a fwb? If not then i cant see why you raise such things

I'd disagree with all of that. Try being a little less literal. In some senses the term 'friends' just means 'no actual relationship'.

Well, yes.

I don't mind them that much tbh. It helps if the girl puts it on.

I have, once. My own experience was just awful.

To each their own. I'm generalizing only on principle. I just am not warm to the idea unless it's fully consensual on the part of both parties. Of course can be on TV , everyone's an idealist in words - but in real life, it is not. It's an emotionally charged mess.

Obviously not every scenario is like this, but what has happened to a few women I know is this: A guy pretended to like their personality (maybe even did to some extent) - but then overplayed their interest in the girl, mimicking the intense of beginning a 'relationship' right up until the point of sex - and then once having had sex with her, never began a relationship. Instead the woman kept trying to get that guy to 'like them' or 'be in a relationship' with them... agreeing reluctantly to the 'friends with benefits' thing. They kept having sex with the guy hoping for something more.

On my experience conversing with people, I swear that how half of these "friends with benefits" exchanges tend to be - reluctant or not fully consensual on someone part (usually the girl's). Maybe I don't get it, though. That's also entirely possible.

Um, friends with benefits? Well, don't all friendships have benefits? Has anyone heard of the benefit of friendship?

am pretty sure that there's a large-ish group of humans for whom such relations work just fine. I am in that group for sure. some people can handle the emotional side just finea and not make it an all-or-nothing.