"It's their loss if they reject me"

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I'm sure we've all seen this advice bandied about. Just how competent do I need to be with social skills for this statement to apply?

We all know the lower your social skill level, the more often you'll be rejected.
Conversely the higher your social skill level, the more often you'll be accepted.

If you have to ask, you aren't.

This statement isn't a factual statement, it's a way of looking at things.

Assuming you're a genuinely nice person who just has poor social skills, someone who rejects you on the basis of your poor social skills can be seen as missing out on the joy of your company. On the other hand, probably people who reject others due to poor social skills tend to be less nice of people than those who overlook poor social skills, so you may not have enjoyed their friendship anyway.

I think this is true. Positively, people do not like poor social skills kind of person where that they avoid awkwardness. But yes it still their loss, because the sense of judgement. I have this situation of rejection all the time because my lack of social skills. I always make friends with people who aren't judgemental. I know this sounds rare case, but the world is needed to put less pressure off of those lower self esteem issues with the people who are capable of low social skills.

Importantly, use your counsellors as a guide to social skills. Tell what happens and thereof, they will explain you how to solve the issue. Its working for me very well, it makes me a happier person to feel the confidence. Think about your confidence, why lack of social skills? Because you are not asking. Especially asking for help.

Lack of social motivation = rejection
Motivating and confident = acceptance

Again, there are still cruel people around the world. Mostly younger ages between 15-25, especially at colleges and universities. If you are on working holiday overseas, travelling internships, workplace as trainee or career. Your social skills will skyrocket easily.

I have been ignored and shunned totally by my colleagues at work and colony people due to poor social skills and introvertness
There was one person with whom i used to go for walk she had very good social skills and she used to comment badly about other people and i used to listen carefully
i have learned quite a lot from her
but i am unable to apply her ideas simply because she came from a strong, confident background with good upbringing and good family support
whereas i had bad parents and no family support
i have to learn everything now but there are no people available to teach me.

That statement has always seemed unsound to me. If they reject me, it is that I wanted something from them and didn't get it, so it is necessarly my loss. If they lose anything by rejecting it, it would be in hindsight, because at the time of the rejection, they saw nothing to gain from accepting me.

Pretty good read here.

I learnt a same deal last semester last year with new friend who recently study abroad here at James Cook Uni. She is from the US. So she helped me a lot about the social skills, changed my life so so so much unexpectedly! Its really good to learn stuff from non judgemental people. Sadly she left here since she on the program, eventually now this semester I met another person who just like her as well. Now still coping bits of rejections from time to time.

ya now this lady who taught me the social skills would be leaving soon and i would be left alone again
and maybe end up doing same old mistakes again

Totally unlikely. You need to keep positive here. Think of what she has taught you. Its very comprehensive. You will never be alone again after her. This guides you to find another non judgemental NT person. Like how I find this semester after she left. Of what I just above quoted above.

Remember, gotta be yourself and remember the stuff you learnt. Eventually you don't have to remember because you did it.

its very difficult and almost like finding a needle in haystack to find a nonjudgemental NT person......she used to only take walk with me and never used to go out or anything with me so she considered me just a acquaintance
i often heard her judging person based on their social status, reputation, behaviour and everything else....she even cautioned me to avoid certain people.
overall it was very confusing for me since earlier i used to talk with everyone and anyone.

That is new to me. I think my friend did that once. She judged on someone who is homophobia! Because she is a lesbian.

I don't think the amount of social skills affect "its their loss". What they are loosing is what you can bring to the table and i know you can bring alot. Social skills act like the grease between gears, it helps but isn't needed.

There are to many people out there to get hung up on one blowing you off. It truly is their loss, just keep on going because the next person might appreciate you for what you are.

I also don't think a high social skill level is necessarily required for this statement to apply. Not on its own anyway. Compatibility in lifestyle and interests is absolutely key as well. Thus, despite us all by definition having less social skills being Aspies, I'm in regular active social groups.



I'm intrigued by this paragraph. But to make sure I'm understanding it correctly, are you saying college/university people between 15-25 are the most cruel? And that interaction with them therefore hones your social skills further because they are more challenging? I'm just trying to make sure I'm not misunderstanding your post before I comment further.

"To know me is to love me." I feel like my role is helping to get past the superficial small talk BS so that the other person can know me for the genuine person I really am, and consequently, love me.

Why didn't I have access to this forum when I grew up? If only I had you folks instead of just my over-correcting NT family and a cruel schoolsystem.

Look at it like this - they own a business, their goal is to make money / not friends.
So they hire the most competent person for the job.
In time a buddy club develops.
The person doing the hiring ends up hiring the personal friends and relatives of the people already working for the company.
The company gets to the point of where it cannot survive without someone actually doing the physical / mental work.
So they hire someone like you and me.
We come to work, we try to explain what the problem is and how to fix it. We even do all the physical work necessary to get them back on track. Once the work is done - they don't need you anymore - because the problem has been solved and they get rid of you and the cycle starts all over again.

Reminds me of the bank owner on It's A Wonderful Life.
Quote was - We are a business, not a charitable institution.

So we have two options,
Keep looking for that one good job where everyone will accept us as we are.
Or - keep working for people who really doesn't want to hire us, but has to - to keep the work flow going in a positive direction.

OR
Start our own business.