Solitary Isolation

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Hey, everyone. I want to get this off my chest. I am an only child, an Aspie, live miles away from anybody resembling peers, and no method of transportation, because I am only 15. I know I need to leave my house more often, but I have nowhere to go. I try to understand social interactions, but because none of my peers tell me if I am screwing up, I have no soundboard to help me. I keep coming off as an ass alot because I have no idea how to phrase what I say to avoid offense. I just want to find my bearings and be myself. I am slowly going stir crazy from the lack of contact and stimulation. My internet, Wildblue sattalite, is absolutley horrible. I want to convince my parents to get something better, but I have no idea how to go about that. My post count is so low because I am so self-concious about what I post I get flummoxed into thinking that everything that I say is judged, despite it not being true. I just want someone to talk to, before I start considering suicide again. I just feel so helpless...

Yes please post to your heart's content. The more the merrier. And remember you are young and things will not always be as they are now. Hang on, persevere. It's worth it, even when it's not so great, but bad things come and go, just like good things.

*sigh* I want to apologize for a pointless topic, even though I have nothing to apologize for. The daily facade I put on hides most of my emotions. I am bored out of my skull when I am home and I just want do SOMETHING before I go insane from isolation. I have not a single thing to do where I live. I can't surf the internet, go anywhere, or even read due to no influx in reading material.

I suddenly realized I have gone on a tangent. Crap.

Hey,

I'm a brand new member here, but I've been living as an Aspie for almost 20 years (I'll be 20 in a few weeks) and I know exactly what you're talking about. I too have always had an issue finding peers and dealt with feelings of being stir crazy and lonely. I'm also an only child.

When I was your age, I was consciously aware of the fact that I was starting to grow up and that I was beginning to understand how the world really works. It was very scary and sometimes I felt like there was no way I could possibly deal with the future. I've tended to slide in and out of depression as well over time, but each time, I've felt that I've become a stronger person afterwards. What seems to be what gets me feeling good again (again, in my case, but maybe it can translate into something for you too) is just reinforcing good thoughts in my mind (i.e. things I'm good at, talents I have, unique things I do that I'm proud of). If you like to write, write yourself a list of everything you like and why you like it, all the things you're good at, and every good thing you have right now. If you're into music, listen to your absolute favorite songs (even if it means you listen to the same one for hours on end like I do). Also, if you can talk to somebody you really trust (somebody who really understands you and how you see things), that is probably the most valuable thing you can do.

Also, (and it's incredibly difficult), but in the situations in which you're exposed to peers (at school or someplace like that), jump outside of your comfort zone. Trust me, I KNOW how terrifying this is, but I've found that the fear is 99.9999% of the time totally unjustified, and is in fact destructive because the only one who feels it is you, and because of it, you miss out on a good time. Believe me, I still deal with this every time I'm confronted with the prospect of being in social situations I'm not at all comfortable with, but it's super important that you sometimes just fly in the face of your fear. Tell yourself you're confident and you will be. Mind over matter is amazing sometimes! For example, just the other week, I forced myself to start a conversation with this super cute girl I work with not thinking that she'd even answer me, but over the last few days, we've had some really lovely talks and I even got her phone number yesterday.

Probably most importantly however, don't think that you ever have to be perfect or that you have to solve every problem you have right now. Shift the focus from the incomprehensively large (feeling overwhelmed) to the smaller things that you really can control and that you really could change. Nothing that you think is wrong and nothing about you is "not normal." You're you, and that's all that matters. The people who will ultimately mean the most to you in life (either right now or down the road) will also think that way about you, so don't worry about being "weird" or "screwing up." Just be you. Just make sure that you are always honest with yourself and with other people.

You are unique, you are so very much worth it, and your life has really not even begun yet. I'm only like 4 1/2 years older than you, and beleive me, my life hasn't even begun yet! Don't feel like this is all it's ever going to be because it's simply not true. You cannot even begin to imagine how much fun you're going to have later on and how much you'll have grown. Everything will get better. Trust me. I still wonder whether or not X, Y, or Z, will ever happen in my life, but that's no reason to not give it your best shot towards making everything you wish for a reality. You are the master of your own destiny. You are powerful and you are amazing because you're the only person on Earth that's quite like yourself, which makes you indescribably valuable.

Last edited by Bill92 on 31 Mar 2012, 7:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Bill... Aharon...
Thanks. I've decided that I'll post here more often. As often as my crap internet allows. I'll also try to be less critical of myself. I finally feel good about life for a change.

If you have a bad connection a lot, write a post in a word document or email format, some way to save it, then you can copy and paste it when your Internet is up again. That way your not limited to just when it's working and you've got a thought.

Just remember, little steps. Don't try to save the world (because I often jump to extremes and it always backfires). Just think positive thoughts and tell yourself you can do anything you truly set your mind to doing. Let the details sort themselves out later on when the time comes. You can do it!

You need to take up some hobbies, for when you are offline. And don't forget to help the folks out with the chores. They will appreciate it, and it's something to do.