Is not having friends a turn off?

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Is not having friends a turn off? From the point of view of a potential boyfriend/girlfriend is not having a friend a turn off?

Yes, sadly enough.

I would say so...but sometimes that cannot be helped...although why the girl/guy would want you to have friends is questionable within itself.

A line of thinking could be- He (or she) doesn't have friends? That must mean there is something wrong with him

Well it obviously depends but I'm pretty sure most NT's think it is a turn-off. Or they just assume that something must be really wrong with you and fear the worst.

A lot of really sociable persons have a habit of saying "I have no friends" since they "only" have 149 friends on facebook, so you can usually get away with stating that you have no friends without people actually believing it though. Guess that can be sort of an advantage maybe.

I always judge my romantic partners by how they treat other people: friends, family, strangers, waiters, service people, etc.

If they are sweet and shy but don't have a lot of friends, I find that acceptable. But if they are angry/mean and drive all their friends away, I would have serious reservations about that relationship.

Hopefully you are in the sweet & shy category, yes?

Not unless you show it. Otherwise why should it matter, as long as it isn't a rapist taking advantage then I don't see how quantity of friends should matter.

Seems to be so.

Exactly this.

As long as people are kind and smart thats all that matters in attracting me. Having no friends justs mean you are a solitary bee - its doesn't mean you are a turn-off. Some of the smartest and kindest people I know are solitary bees.

I like to have lots of friends, that me. If a partner does not have lots of friends, thats just them. In some ways in means you are more special to them and you dont have to share them. Thats good (I'm greedy)

As long as they are happy for you to be sociable, and they are smart and kind, its definately not a turn-off.

Or her for that matter, since a girl with no friends is more rarer.

But as everyone knows on here (or should), people with Aspergers have a hard time maintaining friendship...so basing a potential date on how many friends they have is bad. What ever happened to quality over quantity?

Plus I would say acquaintanceship matter MORESO since the more people you know, the more opportunities of social situations for your partner.

My parents aren't known for keeping in contact with their friends but everyone in our area knows them, and knows them very well...they dated not based on friends (since they both have flawed but loveable ones), but they did so because they knew other people who recommended each other.

Unfortunately. I have zero friends, and it always seemed to turn men off me who were otherwise very interested.
My current bf isn't very sociable himself, though.

I never learned how to make any, and didn't really have that model of relationships, growing up:
my parents never had friends other than each other.

Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 03 Apr 2012, 1:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

yes, in my eyes it is absolutely a turn-off. i think that having at least one friend is a sign that a person has a healthy and well-balanced social life. if they can't maintain one friendship then i would suspect that they may have problems sustaining a romantic relationship.

for years, i did not have friends. my ex-husband used to practically beg me to go and make friends. i didn't understand it back then as i thought that he was all i needed. i was wrong - it was unhealthy and unbalanced. he became my whole world and i lost perspective, pretty much. and it was a huge pressure and responsibility on him to be (essentially) my only social contact.

Yes, sadly.

It also depends on how extrovert the other party is.

And, stereotypically, girls usually care about the guys' social wealth (= having a lot of friends) more than vice versa.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 03 Apr 2012, 1:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't view the two as having any relationship- even if someone doesn't know how (or doesn't want!) to make friends,
they could still be very successful in relationships.

My own relationships have usually been long-term, many for several years.
While at times I feel a twinge of loneliness, most of the time I'm simply not interested in friendship.

Also, my black and white thinking manifests, since I've never understood the point of them-
people you like..but...not well enough to date?
I've never been able to wrap my head around wanting to be with someone other than my romantic partner.
Even as a child, I didn't have friendships, just males I was enamored with.


I'm a relationship-oriented person.

In any case. My parents are married 30 years this May, and they're each others only friend.

Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 03 Apr 2012, 2:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I was gonna respond to your post, hyperlexian, but I think ValentineWiggin worded it much better (part in bold)! I'm pretty relationship oriented, too, and while having lots of friends might be a bonus, having a small amount shouldn't be frowned upon. It all depends on the other person, really. I think another user mentioned quality over quantity - I'd rather have a partner close with 2 people than someone who treats 10 like garbage!

The question we're delving into, I think is when the quantity is ZERO.

That's truly the case for me, and I'd imagine many others.

I exchange a few words with my professors every now and then, and I talk to my therapist.
Other than that, I don't speak to anyone for weeks on end except when I visit my parents 2 hours away.

My boyfriend's in India for work.