Women and Periods

Post Reply New Topic

I have a question for the women(NT and aspie) on here if you all do not mind answering. I am a male aspie I do not understand what it is truly like for a woman to be on her period and I may have reacted the wrong way. My wife told me it is like my balls are being squeezed constantly. Is this true? This is what happened on our honeymoon. We were in our hotel room. My wife was in pain from her period. She kept complaining to me about it. I was very concerned about her. In my concern, I asked her what I was supposed to do about it. Was there a special procedure I was supposed to do? The exact words I asked her was "What am I supposed to do about it?" Did I need to get her medicine. I would have done anything alleviate her pain. I was called an insensitive as*hole. What exactly did I do wrong and what should I have done?

I'm a woman and it sounds to me like you did the right thing, and she was the one being unreasonable, pain or not.

"what am I supposed to do about it" is a common sarcastic phrase. I think she took it that way

edit: "what can I do to help" means the same thing but does not have the bad connotation.

It's different for every woman. Some women aren't bothered by it at all, and others have a bad time with it. It sounds like she was in a lot of pain, but no, there's nothing you could have "done" about it. She wasn't asking you to "do" anything. Most likely, she just wanted your sympathy and understanding. Or perhaps she just overreacted. If you really wanted to help, you could have offered to make her a cup of tea or something. Your other option is to just leave her alone when she has her period. Periods are hard for men to understand, Aspie or not. You're not alone. Most men don't know what to do when a woman has her period.

I misread what you said to her. I would have taken "What am supposed to do about it?" as sarcasm also, as opposed to "what can I do to help you?" I thought you said the latter.

Unfortunately, sometimes the only "right" response is to offer comfort and support (*not* problem-solving support) and then back away SLOWLY.

Having a painful period is awful because 1) it's a helpless feeling, something natural that your body is doing to you, and yet it freaking hurts, 2) it just plain hurts (it's like having awful stomach cramps and having to throw up and not being able to, for five days), 3) it's icky (the regular messiness of the blood and uncleanliness and some people have accompanying gastrointestinal effects and bloating), and 4) it can be mood-altering just from the hormones involved, which again feeds into the helpless feeling.

For the next time: offer support in these ways: 1) analgesic pain relief, 2) comfort (food, environmental control, cuddling/massage), and 3) stress your availability to stay or go or whatever she needs.

P.S. Additionally, she must have been furious to have her period on your honeymoon, as a result of either poor wedding planning or a wonky menstrual cycle. That's not your fault, but it could have fed into her general mood.

Some people like to complain and that means some women will complain about their periods. I don't complain about it because I know it's not going to go away right away. It gets crampy and for me it feels like I am constipated and it goes to my legs and they feel achy. Plus my stomach hurts too. But I take a pill for it and it goes away and I feel better after a day or two and I usually have to take one pill only. I cramp at first when it starts and then it goes away by the next day or two. The pill just reduces the cramps until it has gone away.

If I tell my husband "No wonder I was cramping, I started my period" he tells me to take a pill for it.

Oh yeah I also had my period on my honeymoom but it didn't hurt then because I was on birth control and none of my periods hurt then.

Don't blame yourself. It was just a misunderstanding, that's all. I would have to agree with cubedemon6073. Buy her some Midol for the pain, and buy some chocolate, or some chips (depending on what she's craving). Hold her or rub her back. Bring her a heating pad. And don't take her moods personally. It's all part of the process. Her body is going through a lot. I don't usually tell my boyfriend when I have my period; I like to keep it private. But obviously, she feels comfortable enough around you to tell you when she has hers.

I dunno, I wouldn't expect sympathy from a man while on my period, but I'm not exactly NT. You cannot "fix" this situation, but you can do some practical things to help.

Some practical things that have either helped me or that I know have helped other women I know are:

Chocolate (the good, aka expensive, kind - not the cheap stuff)
Heating pad or hot water bottle
Wine
Pain meds
Massages - always ask first, of course ("Honey, would a nice foot/shoulder/back massage help?")
Warm or hot bath
Being brought breakfast in bed

You'll probably figure out pretty quickly which things help her and which things she hates. IME women tend to get more clear in their wording about their needs and especially their dislikes when they're on their period. It's a nice change, I think Not so much guesswork involved.

get her a hot water bottle, maybe hot tea would help, as little sugar as possible, maybe non.
or maybe she should just try to sleep it off.
some woman suffer horribly on their periods, i used to have knifelike pains tearing me up for the first six and a half hours - very long six and a half hours. i'd lie huddled with my forehead touching my knees, unable to talk and barely breath from the pain. it was unbearable.
it doesnt hurt so much anymore.
maybe your wife can try practicing on loosening the muscles in her stomach when she's NOT in pain, till she gets good at it, and then apply it when the pain starts.
she called you what she called you because she was in pain and humans and animals alike tend to be very aggressive when in severe pain.
i think it's nice that you asked what you can do. my parents used to screech at me to stop being a baby and get up right now, and go to school. my mother especially. she'd march out of the room when i wouldnt get up like she wanted, and slammed doors hard. so not everyone is as understanding and concerned as you are.
maybe you should talk to her when she's in a better mood.