A Lot of Grief With Paranoia

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So I've been told that fear and paranoia are part of the Aspie package.

Somebody I know, who is a fellow Aspie, is suffering terribly from paranoia.

It's gotten to the point where said Aspie is damaging relationships with friends and family. Zi (keeping said friend's gender under wraps for privacy reasons) is overtly cautious and panics majorly when the paranoia boils over, and friends and family are sick of years of having to deal with it. Zi has a hard time keeping zirself calm and is still struggling with problem solving and coping. Zi acts as if the entire world is out to get zir, and zi, I think, has a very low opinion of zirself.

Any help?

In my opinion, speaking only from my own experience. Paranoia doesn't just spring out of a hole in the ground. It is founded on past rejections and problems.

I suffer from it also, It crops up specifically when people I talk to on a regular basis then quit talking to me for no apparent reason. It invariably leads to me having a meltdown over what I could have done to make them stop talking to me. Even if another week later things are back to normal, they just were busy, out of town, etc.

But when I was in gradeschool, I had friends who I thought were really my friends, then suddenly they weren't my friends anymore. No warning given, no idea it was coming, just they woke up one day and decided to hate me. It happened multiple times, and where as a lot of people shrug that sort of thing off, it made me into a paranoid wreck. Also didn't help that my sister actually was plotting against me during the whole period either, any time I managed to talk to a girl, she would some how manage to screw that up.

The trick is trying to decide if the paranoia is unfounded or if they really are out to get you. It's something I've struggled with for a very long time. Generally speaking though, the triggers of my paranoia are as I said, a change in routine. I go from talking to some one regularly, to not talking to them at all, and freak out.

Yeah I kind of have paranoia issues, I've only more or less recently realized that though.......I mean I realized I literally expect everyone even family members to be judgmental. I think if I get too emotional or anything like that they're going to think how immature and annoying I am. But a lot of it has to do with how I was treated at school when I was a kid, I kind of had to teach myself to try and suppress emotions and such because people would mess with me and if I got upset or anything they just persisted so I got used to it and started really keeping to myself and bottling things up(not healthy by the way).

But the thing that's helping me now is some of my friends and family have proven they are there for me even if I do embarrass myself sometimes. They aren't waiting for me to do something wrong or whatever so they can jump on me for it so its what I expect, then they don't do that so its kind of helping break that habit. So I would say one idea is try and be there for them, especially if their family is 'sick' of them I mean if they start expressing that too much and that's all the reaction he/she gets it would probably just re-inforce the paranoia.

I suffer with paranoia. My mind is full of paranoid thoughts, and I just can't get rid of them. I've been through CBT on the internet, I've read books, I've done some counselling, but I still can't stop these paranoid thoughts. And yes, things have triggered them off. In the passed 4 to 5 years I've been getting the buses and being independant like that, but since then this new anxiety and paranoia has built up due to some mild bad experiences. I say mild because they aren't life-threatening or anything like that, but these little things have all built up and now it's all built up into one big solid trauma. I seem convinced that I look so outstandingly weird that strangers constantly single me out and make me feel even worse about myself, even after all the hard work and effort I've done to make myself look no different to anyone else, and I have honest feedback from close friends and family, and I even go out walking a lot and sometimes do swimming, which helps with your gait, and now there is nothing that stands out differently about me, so I don't know what it is that makes people have to single me out. I would write down all the passed experiences I've had when strangers have singled me out or made me feel intimidated, but it might bore you all to death, so I will just leave it at that. So anyway, yes, there is no logical answer, so the only real logical answer is I somehow look weirder than all the true weird people put together.

And it's turned me into a VERY paranoid person and it's affecting my life. And just ignoring or not caring isn't as simple as it sounds. These paranoid thoughts are so strong that they won't just go away over night. Even if I do go out feeling confident and trying not to worry about other people, if I experience one stare from another woman, I suddenly feel all paranoid again and keep thinking in my head, ''what did I do?''

Help! I can't live with this any more! What I really need is a proffessionalist to have a day out with me and observe other people's reactions to me and give me honest feedback, and if they say something like, ''we've seen hundreds of people and only one or two just happened to look at you'', then these paranoid thoughts might go away, since there is proof that nobody is really noticing me, because I can't experiment on it myself because it all seems so real.

Boy do I hear you. My daughter is 24 and has had her own apartment for almost 2 years. She has been having some serious bouts of paranoia. Her's concern what other people hear from her apt. And what she can vaguely hear from hers. As an NT my reasoning is this -- there is a lot of "white noise" in life. Do you know what "white noise" is? It is the noise of the refrigerator in the kitchen that you hear all the time; the sound of the furnace fan running; the sound of trucks and cars going by outside. But it is also the glances people always give other people around them, the stares that they don't know they are giving a person because all they are is Lost in their own thoughts, the person looking at the writing on a t-shirt that you are wearing. We NTs don't notice all these "white noise" actions and activities in life-- they just blend into our every day moments. Aspies however are more sensitive. And I mean it in a good way even if it causes you problems. You are just more acutely aware of ALL that is happening around you with no buffer. It makes you more attuned to life but also overwhelms you and this causes anxiety and yes paranoia. I don't know the answer to help only to commiserate and hope that someday you too can block out some of the "white noise" of living.

You might not be old enough to remember this. But here is a youtube link to a 1981 song called 'Paranoia' by the Kinks:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRpAANsoG8I[/youtube]

Unfortunatly, also the story of my life as well. I've come to think of paranoia as a defense mechanism. Keeps me on my toes whenever I have to interact with 'NT's'.

Sweet Pea hugs