Fear that your kids will have autism? How do you discuss it?

Post Reply New Topic

I have AS, and my older brother has moderate-strong classic autism (he can't work, live independently, etc.). It is suspected from coming from my dad's side, as he displays many AS traits.

My mom told me a few years ago that I should be wary of having children, and said there is a "high chance that they will have autism" because of the gene... This has made me kinda scared about having kids. I was in a fairly serious relationship a few months ago, and the woman really wanted to have children... I told her I was open to it and have no problem with kids (which is true for the most part), but she continued to press the issue and ask why I was uncomfortable with the idea of having kids when I told her I was scared about passing on the autism gene. She never said it outright, but I think her attraction to me sank a bit from this (we broke up a month later). I just wanted to be honest about how I felt, and I guess that backfired a bit.

I see this issue rearing it's head again in the future, probably in the next serious relationship I become involved in. I don't even know anymore if I don't want kids or not... I guess more than anything, I don't want to be alone and it seems like to accomplish that you need to agree to have children (this is what most women seem to want, to be a mother and wife).

I can't empathize. The thought of having a child on the spectrum doesn't at all change that I want children.
There are any number of conditions and/or illnesses, many of them far worse than Autism, which are genetic/congenital, and tend to run in families.
No one would have children if this fact prevented them.

There are definitely women out there who don't want children, though, few they might (seem to?) be.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your attitude. Quite the opposite, you are being highly responsible in thinking of these potentialities. It's the exact opposite of a deaf couple I read about a few years ago who wanted to try and create a deaf baby, "Because they couldn't love a hearing baby".

Now that is selfish.

If you have kids, they will either be on the spectrum or they won't. But at least you aren't saying " I really only could love a baby who is on the spectrum"...

Let me clarify that I don't hate kids... I think they are/can be cute, and the longer I have mulled it over, the more I warm up to the idea of children. The only caveat is that I want a wife whom I'm really attracted to, and who won't divorce me. I'd want us to have a great life together. When I read about AS male/NT female marriages, they say the divorce rate is very high (like 80%), and that most of the stress comes out after there are children... especially if the NT partner sees communication difficulties/lack of emotional connection with the child. Having a child with autism will increase the stress on the marriage too. I guess what I'm saying is I want a happy marriage for both people, and I would love to "have it all" (IE a beautiful wife who is as in love with me as I am with her, and children I can provide a great life for). I think these are just legitimate things for me to be thinking about now, before the fact. I know that there are no guarantees in life, but the first 28 years of my life have been tough enough that I want to strongly consider all the possible outcomes. It just seems prudent, especially considering all the bad decisions I've made in life so far.

We aren't you and can't decide what's right for you. If you don't think kids are a good option for you, then don't have kids. I personally love being a mother and it doesn't matter one way or the other to me if my children are autistic.

I don't know whats right for me either. I wish someone could tell me. Suffice to say, life is extremely confusing for me. I'm a smart guy, but when it comes to relationships and personal decisions, I tend to do poorly and lack good judgment or discernment (in my opinion). This includes work/education decisions which I find baffling.

The things that you need to consider is not so much they have AS but if you do have a child needing more help or attention will you be able and willing to provide. Parenting doesn't have sick days off. Not saying it isn't an awesome experience but it does tend to get messy and crazy sometimes.

You will have a much better understanding and awareness when it comes to raising the child so you will know how to deal with certain situations that arise from being on the spectrum.

I don't understand why people are afraid to have children with Autism. Sure, it may make things a bit harder on the parents, but so can tons of other things that are at least as likely to happen to anyone. As for the children, I, personally, would rather die than give up my Autism. I know a lot of other people on the Spectrum don't feel that way, but I think a lot of that has to do with how they are treated by their families. If families accept their Autistic children for who they are, I think the children will be just as well-adjusted, and in addition they will have the advantages that come with being Autistc to make up for their deficits.

I, personally, would prefer to have an Autistic child over a Neurotypical child because I worry that I will have trouble communicating with the child and the child will not like me. It will probably be hard enough for the child to grow up with a Pagan transman for a parent...

I really want to have children and I wan then to have either Autism or AS it really is a gift in my opinon I know the good and bads about it but I have more good thing's in my life because of AS.

Some scientists have called it the next step in human evolution some of them say we can absorb information like a sponge.

Their are so many good traits about being a Aspie that most people don't even notice.

Good comunincation skills are overrated in my opinon.