Sad Birthday

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Hi I'm new to this type of communicating. I'm a 60+ year old mother of a daughter who is an ASPIE. today is her 24th birthday and once again I get to face being rejected. My husband and I were going to ask her out for a birthday lunch. There is a deli she feels comfortable going to if we arrive early before the lunch 'crowd' comes. She informed my husband that she would go if it was just herself, my husband, & 2 of our friends who have 'tucked her under wing' kind of as mentors. My husband asked if that were alright. What was I supposed to say? She needed some celebration on her birthday! But now I sit here at home (sorry) crying because of the rejection. I love her so much but she has never really connected with me. Have other's experienced this? How do you cope with the pain of it repeatedly? Thank you for the responses--by the way it is her birthday that I wanted to share in not mine-- and I acknowledge her right to choose-- just hurts.

Would you like a virtual hug? *extends arms*
My "best friends" do this sort of thing to me all of the time--they cast me aside, ignore me, and even specifically exclude me.
I've noticed, during my seventeen year old life, that the younger generation, aspie and neurotypical, are becoming more and more detached from their parents. Despite having lived with my father all of my life, I have already decided that I would move with my stepmother should she move out. My friends (if we can still call each other such) feel no reservations about ditching their family on very important holidays and even complain that I, a person who would rather lock herself in her room and read than socialize with her family, am far too attached to my family, for I at least acknowledge important holidays and anniversaries with them. It's just the way the world is evolving as of late, I suppose: the current critical dangers of our war-like society warrants a survivalistic state of mind, and affection and attachment isn't part of that mindset for many people.
Your daughter's distance from you is likely nothing personal: she may not entirely realize the impact and implications behind her decision. Heck, maybe she is plotting a surprise party or celebration for you and requested your lack of presence so that you may be taken aback when the surprise unfolds. I've seen this happen before. On the other hand, she could be plotting an intervention of sorts. Either way, her distance may not be a particularly negative occurrence in this situation.
*offers box of tissues*
There, there. You are still loved. <3

Oh, I am sorry. But, like WerewolfPoet wrote, her distant nature is not personal towards you at all. I cannot know, but I imagine your lunch meant more to her than you know - how very kind of you! Just an idea, might you ask daugher if she'd like to join the Wrong Planet? Anyway, welcome to the Wrong Planet, JJ50.