Trying to imagine what it's like to be popular

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I've never been popular before, and often I try to imagine what it's like, and I try to put myself into that position. Like when I'm in bed, I get comfy and close my eyes and try to picture in my mind being a popular NT, perhaps through High School, since that's quite easy to imagine being popular amoung a group of friends.

Can anyone else imagine what it's like? Give me some ideas too. Also, imagine what it's like being popular and always being socially alert, never getting tired of it, and taking your social skills for granted, and having so many people like you but having to do practically nothing because most of your social skills come so naturally.

Let's share our thoughts and imagination on being popular.

I've never been popular either. I'd like to imagine the same things you do. I can also imagine the drawbacks:
- self-serving people only being your friend to enhance their reputation
- girls dating you only to look cool
- being expected to maintain a constant high facade, even if you feel like s**t at times
- high expectations imposed on you by various people
- being subjected to drugs

check out this article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/19/your- ... wanted=all

I would only want to be popular if it was my "fantasy" group and didn't include people who annoyed me. If being popular means a bunch of d-bags cling to you for status, it sounds horrible and I dont want to think about it.

Yer but I'll take that as a compliment. That would mean that I look cool and I am well liked and accepted and my confidence would be very high.

And I'd rather girls to date me to look cool than girls dating me because they lost a bet with their mates and so that's their ''punishment''.

OK, I am putting myself into the shoes of a popular boy here, but the same goes if I was me but a popular NT me, except it'd obviously be boys after me. I remember my mum telling me that when she was a teenager she went out with a boy but he only dated her because he had lost a bet, and when my mum found out, she was so upset and hurt that I think it has scarred her for life. Funnily enough nobody has ever done that to me, but when I fancied boys they liked me inside but felt embarrassed to date me because they didn't want to be seen with ''the unconfident/unpopular freak''. I feel so bad because I remember at college when an Autistic boy asked me out, and everyone in the college group took the piss out of me for going out with him, and I had to dump him because I didn't want to lose their friendship. He wasn't my type anyway, so it'd be worse if I did date him because then it'd be false, but it's the reason to why I dumped him what made me feel bad. But the good news is we are still good friends, and that is OK with me.

Well, I might be able to answer your question somewhat.

When I first entered middle school, I was actually reasonably popular I guess. Like I wasn't in any state of social outcast/misfitting until basically the end of the year when an untrue rumor started about me, then all downhill from there. What happens with me is, I initially appear to people as like, a smart, good looking and sorta "cool" dude, and then when they get to know me they're like "Gee, you're weird." So it makes it hard not to make friends, but to keep them.

But I guess an example is this. When I first entered middle school, I got to sit at much "cooler" tables. Then I just decided I didn't like them. Their conversations were stupid and lame and I knew nothing about what was going on. So I sat at the "nerd" table with some people who very likely could have been diagnosed Aspergers, in fact one guy I think was DXed. So we got to talk about anime and politics, it was sweet. I think for me, it was the simple issue of not wanting to compromise, if that makes any sense. Though I was sort of easily in a position of power, if you would, to become popular, I just didn't wanna compromise and like and do the same things everyone else did.

As far as how it "feels" well of course it feels awesome to have everyone liking you. That's sort of a given. I don't know, as far as middle school and high school went after 7th grade, well, I had rumors about me and stuff, and I went through one of what I now know is like a "shut down" throughout it all, basically my life sucked. I didn't really have the choice to be popular then. I think before the rumors and general notniceness of live came about, though, it was just a simple choice for me of whether or not I wanted to "play along."

It's odd for me now, as like, I'm sorta "cooler" than most of my friends actually, I wear name brand clothes (I get them very cheap at Salvation Army), and it's weird, because it's like I'm "cool" now, but I don't have a "cool" social circle to go with my "coolness." And it's also weird, in that sort of my hobbies and stuff now alot are athletic, or working on cars, basically almost "anti-nerd" things, whereas my friends have graduated from anime nerds to D&D nerds. I no longer "fit in" with the "nerd" social groups, but I can't fit into the "cool" social groups either, or seemingly any social group.

Overall, I'd say don't feel sad about not being popular. If you value your independence, it's not a good state to be in.

http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html Very good article that reiterates my point.

I was popular for a very short while when I was 12, and that was because I got a brace. You'd be surprised to know that braces were very common in that age range, and so when I got one I became ''cool'', and all the girls (and even some of the boys) crowded round me and admired my brace. It was a ''traintrack'' brace, what a lot of kids had. I was only popular for a couple of weeks, then it died out again.

And I remember one afternoon when I was 11 (but still at primary school) I suddenly got popular, which only lasted one afternoon. I went off to eat lunch on my own (because I always assumed nobody wanted to eat with me), and then after my lunch I went on to the school field where the girls in my class were all sitting, and they suddenly all jumped up and drowning me with greetings and making a huge friendly fuss over me, and then two of the girls linked arms with me and walked round the field with me, and it was the first time I was ever in the middle of two or more other people when walking along or sitting, because I was always so used to just being perked on the end and forgotten. I was very happy, and I found I was more able to be social because everybody was giving me a chance and being really nice. And in class in the afternoon, all the girls all wanted to be the one sitting next to me around the table, and the teacher said they can't all sit next to me at once, so they had to compromise. And I was the center of attention all afternoon, and I was so happy. But then on Monday morning, I went into school and all the girls in the class acted like it never happened, and I was ignored and excluded again.
So to this day I don't know what happened on that special Friday afternoon.

I was never popular always invisible........pushed, shoved, unwanted and nonexistent

Well if i were popular i would have had lots of friends, a group, mix of boys and girls, probably we would be hanging out together
watching movies, going to mall's, vacations

i would have had the experience of dating someone.........i had many crushes but they remained as crushes nothing materialized....

In my office there is big group they have lot of fun together i am not part of that group i am excluded all the time i have to travel alone....if they include me i could have company but then i am that shy, introvert, nerdy type and they are fun loving...........

But i like nerd friends who are intellectual, brainy........but they are boring also they never want to have fun, call up, meet outside...
they just exists till the time we are in that place.

...Exhausting... i want no part of that

I don't bother to do that, because I'd rather be happy than be popular for the wrong reasons.

I've had a glimpse of "popularity" before...it cost me a vital friendship and was draining....never again will I seek it out, though I have benefited from being well-known (people knowing and liking you for who you are or just by seeing you around).

That's how I would describe how it's been for me.

Interesting read. I really liked this paragraph the most:


It sort of explains why social groups come up with some pretty stupid internal social rules for it's aggregate members to follow.

I imagine that being popular would mean a lot of invitations to things, people would agree with you a lot. They would offer you their lunch. They might bake you cakes.

You would always have people to go to the movies with.
You wouldn't have to go on holidays by yourself.

People would want to do you favors. You would be first to get promoted.
People would avoid doing things that affect you negatively if they liked you.

That's all I can think of right now.

Yes! I was gonna say they EXACT same thing. Plus, you'd have to be catty and cruel. If you're just a genuine person, you'd never be one of the popular kids.

I bet it's exhausting because you have to consider so many things. If you have many friends, you need to organize so much more.

A friend of mine likes to think of herself as a very social person. So she meets up with people because she has to. Otherwise she'd lose that friend. It also means most of her friendships are quite superficial.


I don't want to be popular, I just wish getting along would be easier.

Being really popular sounds too exhausting... and honestly not much fun. I'd much rather have a group of 3 or 4 close friends, and not have to deal with anyone else too much.