Be a jerk, she'll fall in love with you

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Sounds stupid doesn't it? It works. I feel as though I have been pretty lucky throughout my life. Even though I have asperger syndrome I was blessed with an exceptionally cute face. So when I was younger I was able to pull quite a few beautiful women. The problem was I was too nice. I would become obsessed with the girl and I would kiss her ass so she would fall in love with me and stay in love with me. The way I figured it if I did everything she wanted me to do she would love me for it. Nothing could be further from the truth. Women don't respect men that they can control. If there is no respect there is no affection. No affection, no play. It's the man that tells her what to do that she falls in love with. It's the one that completely ignores her that she wants. You have to be mean. Especially to beautiful women. You can't let em know how much you like them because they will use it to their advantage. Women know the power that they hold over men and they will swear to the heavens that they don't. A lot of people will say that women are smarter than men. I don't believe that. I think that women are more evolved than men. They probably have to be. I can't fully explain it but if you are too nice women don't really respond to it. They want to be intrigued. Don't get me wrong. I don't claim to understand women. I just observe and comment on what I have experienced.

SteveViktor, I hope you're ready for some slightly negative reaction from the Lady Aspies on this site ! ! You should be getting a slew of responses any moment now ! !!

(Talk about dropping a hand grenade ! !)

Steve,

I don't know your vintage, but a lot of what you have said, quite articulately, in a lot of cases, bears merit.

I hope one day you will find someone who appreciates you, as you sound like a fine man. I hope you don't turn into one of those men you talk about, just for the sake of keeping a woman, though you appear to have more intelligence than that.

Jus

I still believe there are other ways to keep interest besides control and/or ignorance.

Though I must say, my girlfriend exists in both camps... Meaning she craves reassurance and security, but when she gets it she pushes me away, ignores me and vanishes. When I ignore her however it doesn't turn her on it causes her to stress out and worry that she's not good enough.

I think yes there are many women who would use a doormat to their advantage, HOWEVER many women are actually seeking someone genuinely kind..

Personally I find a balance somewhere between, always being there for my partner, always supporting her, but doing so in a sometimes over-critical way

Also I won't hang out with her friends, and other certain rules that enable enough space for her to miss me, this way I don't have to feign ignorance, or disinterest, and I can be as obsessive with her as I want.

I've dealt with a lot of jerks in my life. This is the reason that I find Routemasters more attractive to look at, than guys.

Why does it seem so many men interpret holding their own as being 'mean'? Frankly I think its stupid to relate the two so closely. Things are not black vs. white ie; you went from kissing ass to being mean. Women don't (usually) want to be controlled; they want their man/partner/whatever to have control over themselves, so that all the responsibility doesn't fall on them; the woman in question. And that speaks to the need/want for security, not 'machoism'. I don't think women are more evolved, I think they are generally more logical and men generally don't seem to understand the language.

Ahem, and I also think that goes back to 'Mommy' in most situations, so, grow up, basically is what I'm saying to anyone with this ongoing problem, and look for a partner rather than a replacement matriarch.

As a woman I'd have to say..... you are not all that wrong.

I have experienced this with woman as friends. I usually let them step all over me, when I treat them the way they deserve to be treated, talk back, say mean things, do mean things to them, they smile and look at me with respect. I don't get it. And I don't respect people like that.

It's about being socially strong I guess.

And a lot of women want what they can't have.

hehe... Lady Aspie here chiming in...

The number one most difficult thing is to not approach this situation to the extremes that you have presented in your post. There are more options than butt-kisser or jerk.

Women want a man whom they can respect. Your beliefs may be that you should treat a woman you love, very well. First you need to earn her respect and get her to commit to a relationship. THEN you can kiss her butt.

Do not confuse respect with being a jerk to her.

What you need to ask yourself is how can you treat her respectfully while also staying true to yourself (aka, respecting yourself).

Women also want a man who is self confident. You have to dig deep emotionally and first figure out the fine line between self confidence and cockyness. Do not go the way of cockyness. Don't brag about yourself. Let your actions and your performance speak for you. If she is meant to notice that, she will.

Going out of your way to make someone love you ends in heart break - you will always ask yourself, does she like me because I'm being true to myself or does she like me because I did things to please her. Life is taxing when you are trapping someone who uses you.

What you said is partly inaccurate Scientific. With correct understanding, you could have best of both worlds. I will elaborate later on, but many woman want you to be good to her disregarding others. NTs behave very similar to wolves in a pack trying to climb the pecking order to be alpha male.

Aspie women....Pretty sick of hearing this line of thinking.Some men who are very nice are also very boring.I dont dislike them for being nice ,but for being boring.Nice isnt enough.Never has been ,never will be.If I am with someone who is intelligent,funny,occassionaly considerate but sometimes moody or selfish....I will chose him over someone who is dull,has no interests or thoughts of his own but kisses my ass.I have never been attracted to a guy JUST because he was a jerk but I have tolerated less then perfect behavior from guys who had other qualities that I valued.Problem is,some guys cant see the positive qualities of the guys they are jelous of.

I am sure there are some psychologically messed up women who have "abandonment or daddy issues"
who choose men to act out these issues with.Maybe to many daddys are distant or rude?There are some girls who view guys as "competition"....they want to prove they can get the guy who no other girl can pin down....these arent the type of feales you should want to hook up with.What I have observed about gender relationships is.......Men who will put up with horrible behavior from females just because of their looks.They will spend more money,do more favors,put up with bitchiness,just to be with the popular or prettiest girl.I know alot of guys WONT do this,the ones who think with more then their little heads.

My daughter and I always felt that any woman who refuses to date a guy or keep a relationship with a guy because he is too nice deserve what they get. My son is a very nice guy and feels the same way. He has no trouble getting a girlfriend. He just got out of a relationship he was in for over a year. He's only 19 so thats a long time for someone so young. He loved her dearly, but sometimes things just don't work out. My daughter turns quite a few heads when she walks into a room. She is beautiful, and the man she married treats her like gold, and she in returns does the same for him. I have raised both my kids to only date who is worthy of them and who they are worthy of dating. If I ever heard of my son honking his horn for his date to come running like a dog to his masters whistle, then there would be hell to pay. And in high school my daughter made it clear to her dates to never pull a stunt like that, or else it would be my husband or myself come a running to them, and my guess....they wouldn't want that. My advice, only date those who expect respect, they are out there. You don't need some immature airhead to date, marry and produce offspring with. Oh gosh no....those kind of people do not need to populate. We have enough don't you think?????

OP, could your avatar get any bigger?

It is a bit big, isn't it? It could do to be about this size:

Take the link from the image and use that one instead (it's Imageshack):



And the link (sans spaces of course!)

[ IMG ] http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/6526 ... r10eu2.jpg [ /IMG ]