Can't connect with other women.

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Do other girls with Autism or Aspergers have trouble connecting to other women? I have almost no interest in the things that all other girls seem to love. I despise romantic comedy's and instead go for action or better yet foreign drama's in their original tongue. I enjoy romance novels, but sci-fi and good fantasy are more my style. I find makeup disgusting; I mean, who wants to put bat guano on their eyelashes? I tend to think that a lot of women are downright stupid in the things they do and wonder if they are flighty or just somehow braindamaged from all the chemicals they pour on their hair and bodies.
I have never met another Autistic girl in my life. Even my sisters and I have a bit of trouble and I am the wierd one in their midst. I get along with boys very well, especially my Autistic brothers. I like the way they seem bit more straightforward, but I have never been able to have a guy friend because they always wind up looking at me sexually.
So am I just strange or is it because I am Autistic, and should I pretend to be a bit more girly? I'm sure if I studied long enough I could become a girly-girly. Any thoughts on the subject?

I believe I'm quite feminine in the way I dress and I do use minimal make up and other chemicals. However, I do find it much easier to connect with men than women. I think it's because of my interests and the way I think (it's based more on logic rather than emotions).
I've had and still have some great male friends but there's been some misunderstandings over time too. The key is to stay open and communicate your intents and worries.

I feel very much the same way. I have a lot more in common with guys, generally, and trying to connect with other women just...tends not to work out well. I always end up listening to monologues about "beauty" or relationship drama, and trying to keep from saying things that they probably don't want to hear. On the positive side, I've gotten a reputation for being a really good listener.

I don't know that trying to put up a "girly" facade really does much good. I tried that, and e.g. picking out clothes was sort of amusing for a while, but it got old pretty quickly, and anyway I don't think I'll ever be able to force myself to get a manicure or anything like that (shudder).

I don't relate to women in this culture, am not into romantic films, or books, & find shows like Gray's Anatomy to be absurdist fantasies...but not in an interesting way..
I do wear make-up, to protect my skin from UV, and you know, it seems I just can't get it right with women in terms of fitting in, as the zero make-up crowd think it's all about vanity & being fake, & the make-up wearing crowd seem to be predominantly about trying to attract men....as if men are another species entirely. That kind of sexism, which comes from both genders, is so illogical, so counter-productive.

I've had mostly male friends all my life, but have thus noticed that men are just as capable of those daft faults associated with women...gossip, vanity, bitchiness, and a hyper interest in relationships.

It would be nice to fit in somewhere, but my conclusion is that it's not a gender problem. It's about being in a minority, but without enough definition, so far, to be able to locate other members of that minority...

Thanks, to all three of you.
keira; I also think I am feminine. I mean, I like jewelry and skirts and I even like heels. But, oh Lordy, talking about things like that for hours, without anything resembling a view on politics or history even art is enough to make my brain implode from boredom! Its nice to know that it is possible to have guy friends though, since I will likely never fit in with my sister's crowd. Its also nice to know that there are other logical females out there.
Artemisia_Amaryllis; I know what you mean. I was once literally pushed out of the group of girls I was in for daring to explain... something, forget what. I was also deliberately left behind on a hike by several other girls when I was twelve. I also tried be a little girly for the sake of my older sisters, but after wearing those tight little jeans that are the fashion and feeling like a stiff sausage about to burst, I gave it up prety quick. And manicures? I got one once and it HURT ! I think that you would be better off without that particular experience.
ThinkTrees; Gray's Anatomy is a nightmare of slushy mushy girl goo, and I never made it through the first episode. House is great though. If it did'nt have that blonde guy, would have been the best ever! What culture would you relate to, though? I have never had a real friendship with a guy before, but I imagine you're right about them being capable of being bitchy too. It all makes my head spin. So when you say minority, you mean Autistic people like me? Food for thought .

It makes my head spin too, so I'm currently a hermit

"So when you say minority, you mean Autistic people like me?"

Well, I don't really know, as I don't have enough definition yet to know who or what other members of this minority might be...so the answer could be yes. It would be nice to think I have found 'my people' at last...

Hhmm, same here.
When I was very little, I only played with my brother, never my sisters.
When I went to elementary school, I had two boys who were my best friends. Girls hated me for some reason! No problem, I didn't like them either.
After elementary school to high school I had one best friend, a boy.
And now I have two boy best friends.

I did tag along with girls sometimes, when my boy friends weren't around. But I really just followed them around, didn't really talk or do much with them.

Now I'm 24 and my sisters and I still don't get along.
No big deal to me, I enjoy the company of men much more.

When women and I meet for the first time, there seems to be an implied hate towards each other sooner or later ;-P

I think all you have to do is try to get along with "important people", like, hmm, mother in law, and such.
I don't think you have to be girly or wear make up, if it's not you. I don't because it's not me. I do not tell other women to be like me, so why do I have to be like them?

There are also a lot more "Aspie-woman-friendly" women out there than you think. Every once in a while I find one and I'm so happy to get along with another woman for once. Generally women with a working brain ;P Works out for me, I like my friends to have working brains.

I know what you mean. I find all the talking and obsessing about make-up, shopping and celebrities awfully boring and mind-numbing too. Unfortunately, I have to put up with a lot of that at work as most of my colleagues are women.
By the way, I really like heels too!

It can be more difficult to get along with women, depending on how we are.

I find that I get along with guys well for a couple of reasons, either because we hang out because of mutual interests and engage in those activities with each other, or because we connect over intellectual topics and discussions.

Most women prefer to connect over emotional stuff, which is something I find difficult to do sometimes. Sometimes it comes naturally, but at other things it's a very learned behaviour. For that reason, I make sure the women I hang out with we at least have one mutual interest and that they can have the occasional discussion on deeper things. Usually that works out well for both of us and keeps me sane, and also allows me to hand out with them and learn more "girl stuff" that I should already know. The girls have taught me a lot over the years.

That is exactly what happens to me. The last place I worked was all female and I spent hours listening to a litany of problems. When I have had female friendships they tend to be very one sided, with them talking and me listening and trying to keep the right expression on my face. I would really like a really close female friendship that wasn't like that but that isn't something I've managed so far (but I am endlessly optimistic).

All my close friends are male - I feel on safer ground talking about their interests (even if I don't share them) than I feel about discussing feelings. In the past I have had the problem that Autistic Belle has had, with men wanting things other than friendship. I'm clueless when it comes to people's intentions and so it would always come as a horrible shock when they eventually lunged at me! Now I am a bit older I manage to set boundaries a bit better. My best male friend is gay and so are quite a few of my male friends - we both get the friendship that we want with no possibilities of romantic entanglements which is the ideal situation for me.

I dunno about you guys, but after reading that I think Belle sounds kinda hot. In seriousness though, from a male perspective I have a similar experience. I find most guys bore me senseless and I've always got on better with women, and guys are just the same. I've been labelled gay and all sorts. Chatting about football for 14 hours every day just is of no interest to me in the slightest. And they say nerds are nerdy.

ThinkTrees; All Hail The Hermits . I used to dream about having a little cabin hiden away in the mountains somewhere, a surplus of mean dogs and sawed off shotgun. But I found I prefer a 22 rifle much beter. Their smoother and don't knock me flat when I pull the trigger.
coconapple; Girl's don't like me either. I can pretend for very short while that I am interested in what they say, but thanks to my build, my affinity for guys and the fact that I have very little in common with any girl I have met, they tend to instictively know that I am not friend material. I played with my a lot when I was younger, mostly things like Orgeon Trail and such, but I tend to obsess over where to put our imaginary supplies in our equally imaginary wagon and by the time I roped off an area of the yard in a wagon like shape and started dragging bags and boxes over, they lost interest. Historical accuracy apperently is not a big part of creative play.
keira; Poor you, surounded by people who are the same sex but have little else in common with you. Still, I suppose that you are learning to appreciate their views. Maybe.
Kjas; Maybe that means there's hope me finding female friends? Then maybe I too can learn to appreciate girl stuff a bit more.
SilkySifaka; Yeah. Listening problems can get old, but what really chaps my hide is when I offer a perfectly logical solution toa problem and everyone stares at like I have an extra head and tell me in no uncertain terms that that is stupid. Well, excuse me for analyzing the problem and not obsessing over how it would feel to be in their shoes. I would like to have guy friends and I kind of like the thought of gay guy friend, but my parents and the rest of my family would kill me for it. And no, I don't want to talk about that.
ZX_SpectrumDisorder; reading your reply made me laugh. Thanks for that. So, you get along better with girls? Not really surpising, I suppose. My youngest Autistic brother comes to me all the time because I am the only person willing to actually listen to all he has to say, while our brothers just tell him to shut up and play HALO. I don't like talking about sports too muchbecause that is one particualr issue that gets blown all out of proportion. I have nver seen a man get so emotionally involved in anything except sports, to the point where they weep for their team if they lose and threaten to eviscerate the other team. I'm the kind of person who cheers for both teams because they both can make very good calls and such. Why limit myself to just one? I've been told its a loyalty thing and one must stick with your team at all costs. Bleh. Oh, and nerds being nerdy? Oh, what a shocking observation! Who would have thought?

I think all guys have the capacity to be nerdy, it's just more socially acceptable for many reasons to be into sports. Especially football (soccer), here in the UK. 20 spoiled, millionaire mental cripples trying to put the leather sphere in the rectangle for 90 mins seems to be all important. I think it gets almost as much newstime as the actual news. I have sat through many 'WE BEAT YOU IN 1972" discussions, enough to know how s**t it really is to live vicariously.

ZX_SpectremDisorder; I think thats because in bygone ages, men were always the provider and had to be strong go out and conquer world and bring plunder and blah blah blah. Nowaday's brains are actually more important when it comes to being a provided and brawn is. But instinct, in many cases, has not caught up with intellect.
I actually prefer nerds and geeks. Especially those that can beat me at WordSearch and understand the meaning of the words they are looking for.
Which is another thing that seperates me from other girls. I have never met a girl is genuinely attracted to intelligence.

Yes I have learned that the correct answer to 'But I love him and will never meet another man I like ever again' is definitely not 'Actually, statistically you probably will'. I would find that comforting, but apparently NTs not so much!

I'm sure you will find the right friends: interesting and understanding people are out there, they are just a bit harder to find than other people.

YES... Could also be because I grew up around all boy cousins.