Hating a coworker & boss says "fix it"

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I don't often actually hate anyone - I just don't sustain any emotion long enough to last past pissed off for a short time. But I currently have a coworker who is such an ass that I just can't stand her. She's arrogant, has only shallow regard for anyone but herself, she screws around on the job and undermines the group's goals as set by management all the time, and so on. She's just a poster child for "Walking Loser", and I can no longer stand her. Problem is, she's also one of these people who constantly have to have everyone thinking she's great, so she's constantly getting in people's faces to make sure they still "like" her and so on.

Luckily I don't have to work side by side with her, though our work does impact each other's on occasion. When I do have to deal with her I do so succinctly, and only about the work - I never chit chat, smile for her ego, or hang around to admire her. I pass the info that needs passes, and I'm out of there.

My boss (who I admire a great deal) has suggested that I tell this person what an ass she is and see if she will listen and change her ways. I'm severely doubtful that would have any effect, and I really doubt I could do it with the tact my boss is giving me credit for - which all means trying to "make nice" with this coworker could blow up into a nightmare. "Nightmare" being defined as she becomes not just bugged by me, but actively hostile to me, AND I don't have enough social skills to be able to understand fully what's going on and protect myself.

What do you think? Should I try to talk it out with this coworker (if so, advice on how to do it right)? Or should I keep doing what I'm doing? Or something else?

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Your boss initiated the conversation about the co-worker, or you went to your boss to file a complaint?

Ah, so co-worker filed a complaint about YOU and boss wanted to hear your side of the story?

I think my boss listens to workers complain about each other a lot. I have complained about this coworker being so bad for.our workplace and undermining this boss (as have others). This coworker complained about me not liking her. I believe this went on for a short while and when it didn't resolve itself by itself, then my boss brought it up to me. I'm guessing she's also counseled the coworker as well, but that's entirety a guess.

Reading between the lines I think your boss is worried the situation will escalate, I think you are doing the right thing by being professional but slightly aloof.

Is your boss also the person to whom your coworker reports, or does she have a different boss?

In my experience it's counterproductive to take anything regarding co-workers to your boss unless you've tried everything you can think of to deal with the problem on your own and the situation has either become actually threatening or is making your work impossible. (your personal discomfort does not matter to management)

Unless one of those two criteria are met, it only ends up looking like tattling and you end up looking like a whiner.

So here are the facts as I understand them. You complained about your co-worker's performance to your boss. Your co-worker complained to your boss that you don't like her. You have been asked to find a way to make this relationship work.

This sounds to me like you need to be careful where you step and that your boss has decided that YOU are the squeaky wheel. Or your boss is unprofessional and unequipped to deal with actual leadership duties. Either way, this is a hard situation.

My advice: Play nice with the possibly narcissistic co-worker. You never know when insecurity will bloom into vendetta. Smile at her. Ask her about her kids/grandkids/dog/cat... shrubs, whatever she'll respond to. Try your very best not to ever show your disgust for her. Never ever talk to other co-workers about her and/or her failings. It's easy for office politics to become popularity contests and this is not a good time employment-wise to be making enemies.

On the other hand, if her performance is so bad that you could qualify for whistleblower status, go for it.

I totally agree with cozysweater.

just pretend to like her

Thanks to everyone who replied. But you've only given me more questions.

But first - I told my boss that the coworker was undermining her and her program as part of an overall set of comments about how to get things running like the boss wants them to run, after the boss expressed frustration with things not working without stress and problems. The coworker had been complaining to the boss that I don't like her separately from that. I heard that she had done so through other channels of information.

What I'm confused and frustrated with now: what do you do and how do you "fix" it with them when a coworker's work screws up yours? Maybe 1 time out of 10 do I actually get something done correctly or with anything more than half-*ssed thought, when I have to get something from her, or she is in charge of scheduling something for me, and so on. I've moved everything I can out of her realm of control, but she's embedded herself into the structure here (as all arrogant incompetents always manage to do) and I can't get everything away.

Seriously - just kiss her butt, as some have suggested? Make nice? How does that solve the fact that files are being messed up and clients being dumped and so on?

Hi,

Could you give a specific example of something she is doing that you don't like, how you tried to deal with it, and what happened?